'Cause lately I've been craving more | Boy's Dormitory | Doc

[Hestia Jones]

19 May 1979

It was a Saturday morning, and the common room was completely empty. It was complete different from how this past week had been. After the events at Hogsmeade the weekend before, the common room had been filled with people. But not in the normal way, no - it was calm. A sense of lingering fear in the air, people talking in hushed tones about what had happened. People grieving, people comforting. Some of them just sitting and not doing anything at all. Life continued on at the castle, but it hadn't been normal. Hestia had no idea if would ever be normal again, or what normal was even supposed to be at this point. They had all read the papers, heard the rumors. But it hadn't effected the majority of them directly. Not until this.

This affected Hestia, but it hadn't been the first time. Willa had invited her and Doc to a party for New Years eve. And when the attack had happened there, and Willa had been taken? Hestia had almost lost her mind at not being allowed to help try and find her. Willa was her sister, she had every right to be a part of those efforts. But it was the members of the Order who got to go, and Hestia had been forced to return to the school. Things had changed for her then, and had changed between her and Doc. At least that was the way she felt, like a strange vibe had fallen over what they normally had.

And normal had continued then, but this past week had been different. Doc's sister, that had hit them both hard. And so things had changed, there was an unspoken confusion, with both of them feeling down and not themselves. And Hestia had found that the feelings she'd never listened to where suddenly in chest and threatening to come spilling out every time she was around him. Every sweet word, every hug they shared. She did more than love Doc, she was in love with him. She had decided they needed to talk, but as she stared at the empty common room she was realizing that perhaps they actually could.

The Quidditch Match today, most of her house was gone. She'd almost forgotten about it with the past week, but she knew Doc wasn't going to be there. Which meant he was probably still in bed in his dorm. Turning around, she headed down the tunnel to his dorm, the familiar path she had taken so many times before. Not even bothering to knock, she went into his dorm and to his bed, sitting down on the edge of it. "Doc...how are you holding up?"

[Doc Dearborn]

Despite his protests to the contrary, Rhiannon insisted that none of this was his fault, that she was just glad he hadn't been hurt.

Doc sat in his empty dorm room holding a book of hers in his hands. Just sitting. Thinking. The room had emptied as his roommates went off to gather with the rest of the school for the day's Quidditch match, hoping that the activity would help them put the past behind them. But Doc, who always tried to look forward, couldn't stop looking back. His mind was on his sister, on the attack...but when he could, he did look forward. And for the first time, his future was taking on a shape. It was a shape he never would have anticipated, and he didn't know if he could do it, but he had to do something.

You'd be the shittiest Order member, you know that. Why would Dumbledore even take you on?

More than frustrated at himself, the young man abruptly threw the book. It slammed onto the floor beyond his bed with much force but not so satisfying a sound, just being a little paperback thing. He huffed out a breath and closed his eyes, leaning his head back against his headboard, trying to calm back down. Nothing you can do about who you've been - who Dumbledore wouldn't ever want working for him. So you've gotta...you've gotta man up.

The door opened and he looked over with little curiosity, until he saw who it was. Hestia - cute as a button, as always - came in and sat gingerly at the edge of his bed. He couldn't blame her for her caution - another something that hurt him - and tried to form a convincing smile.

"Hey, baban," Doc said in greeting, moving to sit beside her. He was fidgety, really the only normal thing about him today, as he cleared his throat, unable to hold her gaze or really answer her question. She'd had enough weirdness from him lately. She'd seen him, heard him, in a rage after the attack. Seen him retreat inside his head for the last week, moving as if on autopilot. Sitting through some classes, ditching many others to either go on a walk outside or sit with his sister in the Hospital Wing. For someone who'd never held on to anger, who'd seen it as something he was above, Doc was trying to suppress the unfamiliar feeling that threatened to overtake him when his mind wandered. For someone who'd never thought about revenge, who'd never thought he'd have a need...he was spending an awfully lot of brainpower on it. Last week in Hogsmeade, he'd just been palling around with friends, and then - out of nowhere - there was shouting and curses and chaos. He'd been thrust into a mode of panic when he and the other students were corralled and shuttled back to the school, when he couldn't find his sister. Even with his height, and the friends he had looking for her, there was no sign. Finally he'd spotted one of her friends, pushed through the mass to get to her. The girl was in tears, horribly shaken, but he'd yelled at her for answers. Not exactly helping matters.

But he'd gotten his answer - their little group had been ambushed in the main street, and Rhi was knocked out with something, had fallen, hitting her head, her thin frame stomped on as students and townspeople flooded the street en masse. Thinking only of themselves. The girls had cried for help and she was eventually swept up by one of the Order members. Her friend said she figured she'd been sent up to the school somehow, and Doc rushed forward with the rest.

Seeing her laying prone in the Hospital Wing, bruised and unresponsive, Doc had lost it. Poppy and her helpers had their hands full, and his demanding that something be done for his sister hadn't exactly been seen as helpful. Kicked out of the Wing, his agitation hardly quelled until he got to see her again, which felt like days later. By then Rhi's bruises were gone and she was awake, but there was something changed within the her. Where her beautiful dark eyes had only shone with light and hope there was fear. The kind world she believed in had failed her, and Doc hadn't been able to get that look out of his mind. Or the pointless, circuitous thoughts of I should've been there. Or the leaden guilt in his stomach. No matter Poppy's coaxing, she kept saying that she was in pain, and Doc was there to back her up, even though he figured she was only trying to delay her return to classes. If she didn't want to be back yet, she shouldn't have to be back yet.

"I, ah - I'm okay. I was going to go see Rhi soon. Poppy's pretty much demanding she be back in classes this week, so...that's something to work on. You didn't want to go to the match?" Doc was admittedly hopeful that this was the case. During the past few months, their simple lives had changed. They'd needed each other in ways they before hadn't, relied on each other more, even if it was just having someone to hold, or someone to cry with. She had been more than his best friend for so long, and if anything good was happening with all the awfulness of the world intruding on their relationship - they were growing closer, stronger, and he was more than grateful for it.

*baby

[Hestia Jones]

Hearing his familiar greeting when she opened the door caused a smile to tug at the corners of her lips. He'd always spoken to her Welsh, a common language they shared due to the place of their birth. And yet in all the years they had lived in the same country, she'd never met his parents. Only his sister, a sweet little girl who was still in the hospital wing. "Hey yourself, golygus." But it was clear he still wasn't doing alright. He was fidgeting, a slight return to the normal, but the vibe in the air wasn't the same.

Seeing his sister in the condition she was, Doc had lost it. Hestia had been just as angry, and unable to help calm him down. Rhi might as well have been her little sister too with all the years she had known them both. Neither of them had been able to find her in the chaos as they were being rushed back to the school. And while it wasn't either of their faults - how could they have known this was going to happen? - it still felt like it.

Rhi had to be back in classes this week...that was a harsh thing to hear. The girl needed time, and forcing her back into the school wasn't going to help. But Hestia would be there, that was for sure. She'd help Rhi get caught up on the homework, look after her. When she could, between Quidditch and her new found desire to apply herself more. Joining the Order had been weighing on her mind, and she hadn't exactly proved herself worthy up until this point.

"No, not without you. Would it be alright if I went with you? To see Rhi? I understand if you want to go alone," Hestia replied quietly, reaching over to take his hand. She gave it a gentle squeeze, her heart fluttering in her chest. "I wanted to make sure you were holding up okay, you know. And talk, if you have time."

*handsome

[Doc Dearborn]

The Hufflepuff Quidditch star didn't want to go to the match without him? Without her even trying, she was easing Doc's frustration with himself. Because if she - the wonderful Hestia - wanted to spend time with him and his sister instead of going to the match...then things between them were even better than he'd thought. And that was something to be nothing but happy about. So he looked over at her fondly as she took his hand in her itty bitty one, and as she continued he turned their hands so their fingers were interlocking. Doc leaned over to kiss her soft hair, squeezing her hand back, before meeting her eye. "1 - I absolutely want you to come, and I'm sure she wants to see you too. 2 - I've definitely been better, but I've also been worse," he admitted with a little smile, "and 3 - I've always got time for you. I'm sorry if it hasn't seemed like it this week, I've just...I've been doing a lot of thinking. But what's on your mind?"

For as well as he knew her, Doc would never presume to think he knew her well enough to predict everything going on inside of her head, and so waited patiently for her response. Was she still as wrecked about the attack as he was? Had her decision to join the Order strengthened due to this second first-hand experience? When Willa had been taken on New Year's, he'd had to talk her down - not even Sirius had been allowed to go and look for her, and his friend was a member of the organization. Since then, Hes's goal had been to join up. It was something that frightened him, if he was being honest. But she was determined to help, to stop something like that from happening ever again, and who was he to tell her no? When the only reason he would caution against it was because he cared about her? And with his mind turning the idea over that he should join as well, how much of a hypocrite would he be then?

No - if either or both of them got the opportunity to work against You-Know-Who and his followers, they would just make sure they were prepared. Ready. Train as hard as they could, push each other to be better. Because their names weren't going to end up in the newspaper, they weren't going to wind up a statistic...

It could be something besides the war, you know...

[Hestia Jones]

In 7 years of school, Hestia had missed very few Quidditch matches. She loved the sport, and when she wasn't playing she was watching. Besides, under the Quidditch stands had turned out to be quite a perfect place for a good snog, especially with Doc around. With the majority of the school and teachers focused on the game - and some games taking hours - it had quickly become a past time for them. This year had been no expection, but it had seemed as if things were changing between them. Especially in the past few months.

Smiling at Doc as he intertwined their fingers together, she did her best not to let her breath catch as he placed a soft kiss on her hair. Simple things like this had never bothered her, it had always been so easy. Sure, she knew she loved him a long time ago. But to be like this, to know she was in love with him. Even the simpliest gestures were causing feelings to stir.

"Oh no, don't apologize," she answered quietly. It wasn't a surprise that he had been doing a lot of thinking. Many people in the school had, with an attack happening so close to them. "I've been thinking too, you know. With everything that's happening, and just wondering if I'm cut out for this. For joining the Order, you know." She could go on for a while about her feelings regarding the Order, her feelings about the war. But she needed to get her feelings off her chest first.

"I just, I wanted to talk to you about something else though. About this." She lifted their hands that were intertwined, feeling a blush creep up her cheeks. "What happened to Rhi, and others, could have been one of us. And I've been thinking about how I would feel if I lost you. I've realized that I don't want to think about that, because I can't lose you. You mean so much to me. And so I was wondering if you would be interested in making things more offical."

[Doc Dearborn]

Doc listened, nodding as she spoke about her doubts regarding the Order. It was most assuredly not the easiest career path - could it even be considered one? - for an ever-growing number of reasons. Besides putting a target on your back for the unfriendliest of the unfriendly, the personal risk was high, safety always going to be uncertain, and you - if you were in the field, fighting, you...you had the potential to seriously harm others. Kill, even. To play God in that way...Doc didn't know if he could do it. It went against so much of what he believed, and stomaching the reality of joining...you wouldn't hesitate if it was a Death Eater or Rhi.

If he had to - then - he'd have to.

But he was getting mightily ahead of himself, here.

Before he could reassure her that her concerns were valid and encourage her to keep going about them so they could discuss what in particular was tripping her up about it, Hes was blushing a delightful shade of carnation pink. That was...curious. To say the least. What had they to be embarrassed about in front of each other any more? But as she went on, the weight of what she was saying hit him, and...

She wants us to be official?

Doc began to grin.

He didn't have any experience being a "boyfriend," having made it clear to every girl he'd been with that he wasn't looking to get tied down...but not having to worry about Hestia being asked out by any other bloke? That would be nice. It'd been more of a worry lately than he'd let on, actually. And having the freedom to not just throw his arm around her but to hold her hand out in the castle? That would be nice too. And if he was going to take the step to make things "more official" with anyone...how could it not be Hes? The two had just seemed to grow together over these years, finding and losing bits of themselves in the other. And he couldn't tell her no.

"Cheer up, buttercup," he said with a laugh, bending down to kiss her gently. "I want you to be happy - I want us to be happy. And besides,

If this is what you want then I'm in, although you'll have to excuse me for my inexperience." Although, as he said it, Doc realized...you've basically been dating since she and her last boyfriend broke up. They automatically partnered on projects. They spent an abundant amount of time in each other's company. They were great together physically. Their mates teased them about their relationship relentlessly. And he was his happiest when he was with her. Apparently the same went for Hestia, which was a wonderful coincidence.

[Hestia Jones]

She'd had boyfriends in the past, of course. She wasn't completely against relationships, she never had been. But before this, she hadn't really ever felt the way she did now. It'd been nice to have someone that was always there for her, that she knew would hold her at the end of the day. But then again, hadn't that always been Doc? In between her relationships, and ever since the end of her last one he'd been there. Holding her hand, listening to her rants. A lot of people had always simply assumed they were a couple. But with Doc there had never been pressure to be anything more, and they had both liked it that way.

Which was why admitting that she wanted more was so terrifying.

But his laugh, his kiss, and his words quickly eased her worries. Resting her forehead against his, she couldn't help but let out her own small laugh. "I don't know how I would survive without you either, honestly." And for him being inexperienced? Really, nothing was going to be changing except the fact the teasing they received would be well earned. She was sure most of their friends would simply shrug, tell them it was about time, and continue on their day.

"So I'm not worried about it, you know?" They would still be Doc and Hestia. Just more. A new path for them to grow and learn together. And in this moment, in these moments that would be following in the next few months when they went to face a world that was at war, they were going to need each other. Hestia was sure of that. "Is it okay if I ask what you've been thinking about so intensely this week?"

[Doc Dearborn]

You love me?

His laughter ceased at hearing those words come out of her, and he sat up to look at her curiously. No one had ever...he hadn't expected anyone to ever really love him. Few took the time to get to know him well enough for the words to mean anything, anyway. And Doc didn't know how to respond. Because she did know him. And this meant...something enormous. He was beyond honored, humbled, by the words, by the mere notion that she loved him.

There was the obvious response, of course, but he was admittedly caught off guard and didn't want the words just tumbling from his mouth. Even if he did feel them. There was such a depth to love, at least how he'd pondered over it. To truly love someone, to see them for their faults and embrace them not in spite of them but for them, to not only have lust but also friendship and romance, a desire to be the one to make them smile, to be the one they came to, to want a life with them...

And she wants this with you.

This is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart. A line from one of his favorite poems on the subject came to mind, and his smile slowly returned. "If you're not worried, I'm not worried - for you are whatever a moon has always meant," Doc replied cryptically, reaching out to grab the little book of e.e. cummings from his shelf. He flipped to the earmarked page and held it out to her, his moon. "They're not my words," he prefaced, "but they're good ones. And even though they're not mine, I mean them, and I don't think I could put it better." Since discovering the poet, Doc had felt a connection to him, to the way he explained emotions and the way of the world - until he could figure out a way to put it better, he'd borrow from one of the best.

After she'd read the poem and asked about what he'd been thinking about, Doc nodded and scooted back on his bed, laying down on his quilted comforter and patting the space beside him for her to join him. "I've been thinking about joining the Order," he admitted quietly, watching her closely for her thoughts. "But like you said...I don't know if I could do it. I don't know if they'd even have me - haven't made much of a good name for myself here, y'know? And I'm not - I'm not a fighter, and I don't want to be...but I don't know if I could live with myself, just going to university or something when maybe I could help. What do you think?"

[Hestia Jones]

She wasn't one to think before she spoke, at least not all the time. And telling him that she loved it, it was just easy. She'd had it on her mind for a while, she didn't even hesitate to let the words roll of her tongue as she spoke. Hestia wasn't expecting a reaction, especially not the one she received. The way Doc sat up to look at her, the feeling she got from him as he stared. It was magical and overwhelming all at the same time. Sure, he gave her looks all the time. But not like this.

She gave a smile as he spoke, carefully taking the small book of poems from him. Doc had always had a particular way of thinking that Hestia found simply fascinating, and as she read the poem over with a grin on her lips she could imagine him writing the words as if they were his. And knowing that Doc meant those words was enough to send her heart leaping out of her chest.

Scooting over so that she could lay down next to him, Hestia propped her head up with her arm as she watched him carefully. She couldn't stop her reaction to his words, eyebrows shooting up and a small oh escaping her lips. The topic of the Order had been a rough one for them, she knew he hadn't been fond of her wanting to join. But he was thinking about joining himself, something Hestia could understand. "I think you should follow your gut. I can't take a regular job knowing that people are dying out there, that I could do something to help. And if that's how you feel, you should try. Besides, I think I'd be happy if you were there to watch my back and I was there to watch yours. At least I would know for sure if you were safe."

[Doc Dearborn]

He watched with interest as Hestia gingerly took the book and humored him, and the beautiful grin spreading as she did let him know that he'd done all right. He would need to say the words himself at some point, and say them bluntly so there could be no misunderstanding, but...she understood him. She'd know that the poem was an echo of her own sentiment. Hestia would be patient as he figured it out, right? This was new territory, letting himself be open to feeling more, to committing himself to her. He wasn't regretting accepting her offer so quickly - it was a fantastic offer - but he needed some time to mull everything over. They would still be them, would anything really change?...

Her reaction was as surprised as Doc could have anticipated - she knew he wasn't a big fan of the organization. It'd taken in a few of his mates, and many had been promoted to active work lately. It was terrifying to know that while he was writing essays and doing other things that, in the grand scheme of the world, didn't actually matter, that they were out fighting so that he could lead a peaceful life. And that was the life he wanted to lead. A peaceful, carefree life, where he could think and write about what he actually felt, not what he was prompted to do by professors. A life where he could go to concerts and poetry readings, sit out in a park and play his guitar. A life where he didn't have to worry about his safety, or the safety of those he held dear.

But Doc was realizing that he didn't have the right to be so selfish.

He couldn't expect to get that life for free.

It was still a possibility, but it wasn't something he could launch in to after graduation. He felt he had a role to play here, but there were still questions remaining about the likelihood of him actually getting to play the part. Because he couldn't see Dumbledore being too chuffed about the underground supplier of Hogwarts' airheads joining his team. But he nodded as Hestia spoke her piece, smiling at her end. "I think that'd make me happy too," he agreed. "And you're right - I can at least try. And if they won't have me...you still will. This was a binding contract, right?" he teased, eyeing her playfully.

[Hestia Jones]

Perhaps one day they would both be able to say the words directly to each other, but this method seemed to work for them. Because as much as Hestia did love Doc, she hadn't said it directly. And neither had he, instead letting the poems speak for them. Which, if she really thought about it, was sort of typical of how their relationship had been up to this point. Nothing had ever been "normal" for them, and it was simply the way things had always worked. At the end of the day, they were together. And that was what mattered now.

That, and the fact he had been considering joining the Order. Doc was a lover in all aspects of the word, not a fighter. He was possibly one of the most laid back people Hestia knew. It was understandable why he would be considering this, after what happened to Rhi. Even if if hadn't been their fault. It was clear that the world needed people out there fighting.

"Oh, it absolutely was," she answered with a laugh. "You're stuck with me now." It was hard to really determine if Dumbledore would accept either of them. But with the fact that Death Eaters attacked Hogsmeade, some place so close to the safety that Hogwarts had always been home. "But we will make it, you know? We can prove that we're capable of defending our own."

[Doc Dearborn]

Doc grinned in answer to her laughter, rather liking the sound of her words. He'd never say he was "stuck" with the girl, though - he had the opportunity to be with her, and that was a beautiful thing. He laid a hand on her thigh and brought her a mite closer to him, losing his grin as she continued on a more somber route. Doc sorely hoped that what Hes was saying was accurate, that the two of them could join the ranks of the Order. He wasn't sure about her, but he knew he hadn't made the marks - or even taken all of the right courses - that could get him an interview for the Auror program. So joining the Order? It really was the only way for him - and her too, probably - to take part in the war. And hearing the fire in her voice as she spoke...Doc wouldn't deny it was awfully attractive.

"We'll make it, Hes," he agreed solemnly, leaning over to her to catch her lips with a slow, reassuring kiss, even though he didn't yet have a game plan on how to make that happen for them. But as they kissed, Doc tried to feel if this was any different than before they'd become "more official." However, it was hard to dissect his emotions while he was kissing a beautiful girl who openly loved him, and Hestia always had been able to get him fired up, so the strong, overlapping feelings of attachment and lust and love weren't altogether new, were they? He'd tried to not think about his feelings for her so intensely before, accepting that the two of them were connected but hadn't focused on picking things apart. But, he supposed, nipping at her neck as he became more playful, he should probably put some brainwork into this before too long.

[Hestia Jones]

Ever since Willa had been taken, she'd felt this desire to do more than just exist. Being denied the option to help, being shut out of everything had been the worst. And it had also been a realization of just how terrible things really were. While her parents certainly did not support the Dark Lord, they were purebloods. The risk for her family to experience something like this was incredibly low, especially as they were keeping to themselves and not openly participating in the war. But other people close to her, they didn't have that option.

Like Doc. A muggleborn, the exact kind of person this Dark Lord wanted to wipe off the face of the planet. The boy she loved could very easily be killed simply because his family line wasn't full of magic, and it enraged her. It wasn't fair, for this one person to make these sorts of decisions about who deserved to know magic and who didn't. Doc was just as worthy as anyone else.

But the rage inside of her was cut off by Doc's words, and the way he caught her lips with his. Instead it was replaced by a fire, one that she had always felt around him when they were together. He nipped at her neck and she stifled a giggle as he hit a ticklish spot. Sure, they continue this and have a good deal of fun, but visiting hours at the hospital wing didn't last forever. Pulling back, she smirked at him before shaking her finger towards him. "Now now Doctor, shouldn't you be going to visit your sister before you get to work on this patient?"

[Doc Dearborn]

This day was turning out to be better than anticipated. Hestia always made things better, but her admitting to loving him, to wanting more with him than their casual more-than-a-fling-but-unlabeled relationship...it was the boost he needed. He knew he'd be at her side in the years to come, and this only solidified it. They were going to figure out a way to help stop the war, help the innocent from suffering, from being taken advantage of, from getting hurt...

They would find a way.

But his little minx was putting some space between them, and Doc let out a loud laugh at her words. "She's going to freak out about us being 'together,' you know," he warned as he sat up, halfheartedly fixing his hair. "Caradoc," he went on, imitating the young girl's loving but scolding tone, "I love you but you're being a bewt* - when are you going to stop leading Hestia on?"

He grinned, leaning in to plant another kiss on her, before getting to his feet and holding out his hand to her. While friends and Rhi had tried to push them towards this for ages now, well, Doc had been content with going at his own leisurely pace. And as long as Hes hadn't minded, he hadn't felt the need for an "official" change with her. For all of the bothering about it by well meaning folk, a saying of their country, dyfal donc a dyr y garreg ("Tapping persistently breaks the stone."), hadn't seemed likely to come true. But he hadn't a bad thing to say about the change, and his sister was going to be thrilled, and seeing as she needed something to be thrilled about, and he needed something to go right, this couldn't be coming at a better time. He hadn't really had good news to give Rhi on these visits, and this time he was bringing the best news, and the best person, he had.

*idiot
*also this is a collection of welsh sayings that are hilarious and awesome

[Hestia Jones]

His little sister had become like her sister over the years, and she knew that the girl would be pleased with the news. After all, she had heard plenty of stories of her giving Doc a hard time because they weren't anything official. She reached over to help Doc fix his hair - his sister didn't need to know all the details of what they got up to - and laughed at his words. "Well I do hope she will at least find a bit of happiness in it, I wouldn't doubt that she's been waiting for it to happen."

She took his hand and climbed out of his bed, wrapping her arms around his waist for a hug. Just knowing that things were different now, that they were official was making her heart skip beats and keeping a grin on her face. Things were terrifying out in the real world, but she had Doc by her side. And more than him, they had friends already fighting who would help them train, teach them how to survive in a world that was at war.

"Alright, I should stop stalling," she finally mumbled as she stepped back and intertwined her fingers in his. "Let's go give her the news so she can scold you for taking so long."