did the wrong thing, to the right girl - Kyra - June 1977

[Kyra Thatcher]

"All right," she conceded warily, figuring it was his right to know after all, "but you can't say I didn't warn you. And, mind you, I don't want to be a downer, so forgive me. But you've got to tell me about Gid doing that later, okay?" The young woman sighed and took up the beer he'd gotten for them, downing a fair bit of it to make the telling easier, seeing as her earlier buzz was daring to desert her, and retook his hand firmly. "So, your lifeline, here," Kyra began, lightly tracing it with the pad of a finger, from between his thumb and forefinger and its drooping end at his wrist, "all these chains and downward branches. They're signs of poor health, emotional or physical. And sort of - er - general sadness? But could be due to loss. And your head line is just above. Goes all across your palm, which means you're very brave, as we know," she quipped with an ephemeral smile, "but that you can also be prone to - ah - selfish behavior. The length of it though, you're rather bright, and you're not reactionary. Take your time with decisions and all that. But the waves..."

Her eyes flicked to Fabian's and she held them there, wishing she had the courage to speak out. I wish I'd learned all this before. Either from you, or from this. For while she knew the man well, better than many she thought, he'd always held a fair bit of mystery about him. And Kyra liked that - or, at least, she'd found it intriguing when they were younger. And while she still did, she worried...Are you ever going to let anyone know you? "You're torn. A lot. Your practical side and your emotional one, they're in constant conflict." She swallowed and averted her eyes from his to finish, pointing out the final line of interest. "Your heart line's above them both - see the cracks in it? Like a chain? That's for mood swings, or - or emotional trauma. But the branches upwards?" She bit the inside of her cheek, steeling herself, and let herself see him again. "You've got the capacity to form strong relationships. But it's got to be your choice." Her heart swelled within her chest, and she wished she'd have had more positive insights to give her old friend and partner...

"Be good to yourself, Fabian," Kyra said sincerely, squeezing his hand through the discomfort. Because they...didn't talk like this. But if things were to ever change, a healthier relationship of some kind between them...She went on haltingly, throat dry with nerves. "I could've gotten any of this wrong, but - still. With your promotion, leading missions...You probably hear it too much already, but - but be careful. As much as you can. It's a rough road fated, but you...you don't have to walk it by yourself." 

[Fabian Prewett]

Her words were so sincere, he didn’t know exactly what to make of them. Surely nothing about the lines on his hand could be that bad. Palm reading, tea leaves - it was all boring stuff they’d had to learn in school. Why he let himself get talked into that many years of Divination, he wasn’t sure. But he watched with interest as she traced his lifeline, he felt a nervous energy he hadn’t been expecting. Poor health? He certainly didn’t hope that was the case, it would be a burden on his work if he were to fall sick. Sadness due to loss...that one he didn’t want to think on too much. He hadn’t yet lost anyone close to him in his line of work, but it was only a matter of time before it became more personal that it already was. He could easily remember the day he’d found out Voldemort had approached Arthur, how that moment set his resolve to join the Order when offered the chance.

His headline was more interesting, and he shot her a grin. Of course he was brave, he was a true Gryffindor after all. His smile twitched though, as the word selfish caught him off guard. That much was true, although he wasn’t going to readily admit it. Especially to Kyra, although the girl was unaware of just how selfish he could be. He wondered if she ever wondered about the memories she couldn’t quite recall, he wondered how much damage keeping magic from her was causing. But he didn’t wonder for long, not as his eyes found hers. To hear that his palm said he was torn, to have emotional turmoil he kept to himself so easily written in his skin. Relax, you’re reading too much into this.

At her last words, he had to keep himself from reacting. Of course he could form strong relationships, he had some incredibly close relationships. There weren’t many people he would die for (although the list grew with every kid his sister had), but outside of his family, the girl sitting across from him was one of the numbers. And she seemed so concern, so serious, he felt himself choking up at her words. Her urging him to be careful, it was too much. “Kyra, I…” he trailed off.

What are you going to tell her?

            The truth.

Torn a lot. Constant conflict. You can’t just tell her the truth.

“I…” There was so much he wanted to tell her. He wanted her to know that he loved her, that he’d fallen for her years ago and never really gotten over it. He wanted to tell her magic was real, that things she’d only dreamed of were possible. He wanted to tell her that she knew all about it, because he’d tried before. He’d tried to be a partner to her like Edgar was to Phoebe, with her knowing the truth about him. And Voldemort had shown up practically on his front porch, trying to recruit him and his brothers to the other side. Maybe she hadn’t been in immediate danger then, but it had sure felt like it. He had watched what it meant to love a muggle, he knew the struggle the Bones faced. The amount of times that someone had said something snide to Phoebe, or to Edgar about Phoebe. He was fighting in this war to make this world a better place for muggles and magical folk.

Clearing his throat, he tried to ignore the burning in the corner of his eyes as he squeezed her hand, before cupping her cheek with his other. “I can’t promise you nothing will ever happen to me, but I promise you I’m going to fight. I will fight every day until this world is a safe place for you."

[Kyra Thatcher]

Well, he's certainly not laughing at your attempt at palm reading, Kyra thought, unsure what to do as she saw tears glisten in the man's eyes. While she was a believer in such things, she'd figured he was just going along with it to humor her - but had something she seen, something she said, truly struck a chord? Never before had he been so lost for words around her, or so close to crying; it was too easy, most times, for her to forget what he did on the daily. She didn't see him when he came home after time away on a mission. She didn't see him strategize beforehand, making plans for the greatest potential for success and smallest risk. She didn't see him on missions, making life-or-death choices for himself, for his squad, and for the unknown enemy. Usually when they were together he was just...Fabian. The same guy she'd run around the neighborhood with in the summertimes between school terms, careless and carefree. She'd caught glimpses of what he must be dealing with through times with the Bones', hearing about how Edgar was handling the work from Phoebe, noting shadows in the big man's laughing eyes that never quite went away. And now - that Fabian had come so close to her, and she was paying attention, and the veil had been tugged back - she could see the same sort of shadow within his.

For the millionth time, Kyra wondered what had propelled him - and Gid, and Ed - to take on the world's problems. Was it that they wanted to live big lives and leave their marks on the world? Did they believe so strongly that the world needed saving that their savior complexes declared that it was them who had to save it? Because it wasn't the morbid joy in a fight that propelled them out of bed, it couldn't be. Too good of hearts, the lot of them. So as Fabian turned his words over and out, with such passion and conviction, Kyra found curiosity stroked. And the part of her that hadn't ever let him go...she wouldn't let herself think fully on his first, because he couldn't...

"Fabs, what are you on about?" she asked quietly, cautiously, around the lump in her throat, tightening her grip on his hand. "You don't have to - you don't have to fight on my account. I don't want you risking yourself for me. If I've done something to make you think that..." Because how he'd said it, he made his fight seem incredibly personal. As though he was fighting for her. Not the safety of the UK, not for the people of the world. Her. And, if she let herself think on it, he had been her personal protector at times. Unasked. He'd gotten her out of scrapes a few times, but none that had been awfully out of the ordinary. Crowds rioted. Muggers abounded in central London. She'd willfully put herself into those scenarios, knowing that something could happen. The world's a mess. Will be, until we all wipe each other out. Humanity was hardly humane for long, after all. Bits of peace threaded through history, but then someone wanted to take over the world, or looked at a man's wife too long, or natural disaster struck and left refugees with nothing, and no open doors. You think you can fix all that? Her heart began to thud as her mind whipped through possible explanations, each as unlikely as the last - although conspiracy theories were something of her bread and butter, she hardly believed that WWIII was on the horizon - and she trained her eyes on his. Attempting to be shrewd yet, through the drink, and through the feelings brought on by his half admission. "So far as I know, the world's as safe as it's ever going to be for me...what's it you're not telling me?"

[Fabian Prewett]

He was getting too worked up over this, something he hadn’t planned on. To know that his future was so bleak...there was no doubt that if Kyra was right, that was what his future would be. He knew better than to doubt a palm reading, or a tea reading - when it was done by someone that cared. And Kyra? He was sure she’d researched this tirelessly. For her to come to the conclusion that he was hurting, that he was conflicted, she might as well have been in his mind. There was no hiding the tears burning in his eyes, or the way his chest felt heavy as he looked at her. He had wanted a fun night out, and this was what he ended up with. The girl he loved telling him that he was, essentially, broken. It was all too much, and he was glad for her words to draw him out of his thoughts.

What was he on about? Had he really let himself get so caught up in the moment that he had forgotten the secret he needed to keep? While his reasons for fighting in this war did strongly resolve around her, she couldn’t know that. She couldn’t know the reality of his life without being in danger. They had tried, before. More than once. And every time it ended in heartbreak, with him acting like he was fine while picking up the pieces left by their end. Only Edgar and Phoebe had ever really seen the way he was one of their breakups, other than Gideon. They were the ones to pick him up off the floor, to make sure he didn’t skip meals because his heart hurt too much to eat. Phoebe always hated it, never understanding why the two of them just couldn’t work it out. But here was the answer in the palm of his hand - he was selfish. He wanted Kyra in his life, but he didn’t want her in harm's way. And it was a choice he made, not one that he had given her. Phoebe has made the choice to be with Edgar, magic and war both told to her before they’d gotten married. Phoebe’s never been hurt, what harm is there really?

And what was he not telling her? Just the biggest secret he had kept his entire life. “Just, give me a minute?” he said abruptly, taking his hands from hers and standing. He was quick on his feet to his bedroom, snatching his wand up from the bedside table. He hadn’t brought it with him tonight, a risk in these times, but he hadn’t thought he’d be out long. Or that he’d run into Kyra, and have the night that had him shaking in his core. Walking back to the other room, he sat down across from her on the couch, wand held aloft in front of her. “This is what I’m not telling you,” he said, fingers wrapping around the wand. “Lumos.” The tip of his wand lit up at his words, and he placed his wand gently into her hands. “‘Magic is real, and I’m a wizard. And I’m not fighting the IRA, but in a secret organization fighting an evil wizard. One that wants to eliminate people who can’t do magic.”

He watched her, the reactions to magic so familiar too him. They would have to fight about this, he knew that. It was how it always happened when she learned the truth. But tonight? Tonight he just wanted magic to be real, to watch her face light up as he got to show off. Tomorrow they could discuss memories, they could talk things out. “I’m fighting for a better world for you, because you deserve to be a part of it Kyra.”

[Kyra Thatcher]

Great work Thatcher, now you've done it. Ruined a perfectly fun night by telling him he's doomed to misery and misfortune, like there's some sort of curse on him. Well done, give yourself a round of applause, then.

She shifted uneasily on the couch after Fabian disappeared down the hall. After Fabian disappeared down the hall with tears in his eyes and a heart heavier than the most massive of stars. And it was her doing. With her persistence about the reading, which she'd half thought would just lead them into an excuse to fool around. The reading she could've fudged, and would he have been hurt for it? No. Damn fool, you should have done that. Because what the reading portended...who would want to know that? She'd thought, at first, that it would give them hope. Hope that his life would not only be a fight - outside and inside. Kyra wound the rings on her hands and ensured that the bottle was properly drained, mentally preparing for her departure. Her purse and shoes were in the entry, the glittery things still in sight; she'd just gather herself up and get on home, apologies and excuses galore...

She heard him coming back towards her and despite her reservations about staying - she'd only make things worse if she did - Kyra found herself distracted. Because what Fabian held could only be described as a wand, and he'd made it glow and was - handing it to her? Her attention was split between the wand in her hands and the words he spoke until she forced herself to look away from the wand and focus on him, mouth gaping slightly as the weight of his speech hit her. Thoughts of leaving went out the window, replaced by ones with much more intrigue. Magic exists. He's a wizard. There's an evil one. Who wants to eliminate people...like me. He...is fighting for you. The realization turned her insides out, and the usually loquacious young woman didn't know what to say, and much less what to think. Because there were broad implications of everything he'd said; a world within a world; Gideon and the Weasleys and - and the Bones' had to know - no, no, they were all magical, silly that she hadn't realized this before; who knew what other of her theories could be true; there was an invisible war raging - contained to Great Britain, or far-reaching?...And...he's still got feelings for you. Must, if...if he's willing to...could this be why you've always broken up?

Knowing Fabian, and now knowing him more, he wouldn't want to do anything that put her at risk. And if what he said was true, didn't their past make much more sense? Her heart burned uncomfortably with a great surge of feeling, one that she did know what to do with and felt her partner would agree to, given what he'd just implied...

"Always knew there was something different about you," she managed after a time, shooting Fabian a wan smile. "I wish you would've just told me this forever ago...instead of making excuses about why we could never go to Loch Ness." Her smile spread uncertainly as she continued processing the slew of information; Kyra set the wand down gingerly on the end table and moved closer, peering at him with great interest. "This is mental, you know - hell, I am, for just believing you like this," she thought aloud, the too-good-to-be-true-ness of it all ringing loud and clear. Her gut, though, told her Fabian wasn't lying. Why would he? "But...I do. And I want to know everything, trust me, but - I've just got to..."

Mind settled about one thing, at least, she rose with a huff and settled in his lap, arm around his shoulders for balance. She'd never fancied herself as the damsel in distress type, waiting in her tower for the brave knight to slay the horrible dragon keeping her captive - but she couldn't deny how bothersome it was to know that, on some level, what got him fighting was his desire to keep her safe. That she was somehow important enough to him, treasured enough, loved enough, that the risk was always worth it. All right, Pheebs, fine - I get it. "This noble hero thing is infuriating," she commented blithely. "Can't be bloody proper peeved with you for keeping magic from me right now. It won't last forever, though, so I think we should make the best of it." There would be time for questions and answers, for apologies and excuses, but Kyra stayed the swirling half-thoughts in her mind as she brought him to her...

[Fabian Prewett]

In the few moments that he was gone to fetch his wand, his mind was racing. Telling her now, like this, it just felt right. He knew she would be upset that he had kept magic from her for so long, but he could handle that anger. What he wasn’t ready for tonight was the real anger, the I’ve-learned-all-this-before-but-you-altered-my-memories anger. That anger was always harder to deal with, but usually because it came right before he had to alter her memories. But he didn’t want to do that anymore, and he’d give her back all her memories if she asked him to. He would save that conversation for tomorrow though, he was already feeling very emotional.

Returning to her, he wondered what other kinds of magic he could show her. Lighting up the end of his wand was simple, but he didn’t want to do anything too startling. Phoebe had needed to adjust to being around magic, and he figured it would be the same with Kyra. Words were spilling out of him, and he wasn’t surprised by her look of shock. It was a lot to take in, and he was pulling an Edgar and overwhelming her with information. Starting off her re-introduction to the magical world by telling her there was an evil wizard out to kill her wasn’t his best planned speech. Her mind was going, he could tell, and he felt it best if he just waited for her to think things through. He would be here to answer as many questions as he could that wouldn’t give away some of the deeper truths he felt he should keep to himself tonight.

He couldn’t stop the grin as she spoke to him, feeling the urge to spill all the secrets about Loch Ness in that moment. They would have to go this time, he would show her all that he could. Hogsmeade for sure, but not Hogwarts - they’d learned with Phoebe that muggles couldn’t just walk up and see it even with a wizard. But Kyra would love Diagon Alley, and she’d find the charm in the Leaky just like he did. He had to laugh as she simply believed him without wanting to see more magic, because he’d been thinking about what spells he could show her next, but he certainly hadn’t been expecting her to plant herself in his lap. This noble hero thing hadn’t been his intention behind his words, but who was he to complain when she was kissing him?

Fabian loved Kyra, in many ways. She had been one of his first real muggle friends, and even though it had started as a crush, they had so many good memories together with their friends over the years. She was one of his closest friends, she knew how to get him out of his head when he needed to stop thinking about the war and the implications of it in his life. He hadn’t even planned on seeing her tonight, but seeing her had been just what he needed. While he’d never been one for palm reading before, but it meant something coming from her. She would always, no matter what, be someone he loved.

[Kyra Thatcher]

Three years. Nearly. Three years since the last time she'd been here like this, wrapped up with Fabian in his flat, hoping that Gideon would be out for a good long while. So much had happened since then, including doing her best to be friends with an ex for the sake of their hearts and their friend group, but the events of the last years paled in comparison to the news of this night. That Fabian possessed magic, that he was fighting to protect her...

That he's been lying to you. The whole time you've known him, he's been lying to you.

    He may have had his secret magical reasons, but he's still lied. He can't just get away with treating you like that, come on...

She wanted to enjoy this moment with him, and it was so tempting to let their night dissolve into nothing but the kisses she could all too easily lose herself in with him. It was a different kind of magic when they came together, and how easy would it be to let herself go there with him, when after all this time he still wanted her, holding her like they were stealing kisses in her sister's car? Were his honesty and her impulsivity really bringing them back to the past? But the voices coming from within, sounding all too clearly like Liz and Phoebe, were impossible to ignore. "Okay - okay," Kyra moaned as she sat herself up, "hero or no, you've got some explaining to do."

She shook out her hair, looking anywhere but him as she tried to find a way to start. Because this was huge news, and it wasn't the first time that someone she loved had admitted a gigantic lie. She could all too clearly remember Phoebe telling her about Edgar lying about his career, which had been as shocking as this...There's no way Fabian's a wizard and Edgar isn't. It would explain - it would explain everything. Her brow furrowed for a moment as she thought back to that day at the bar with her best friend, because Ed - he'd admitted that he was training to be a soldier, and Phoebe had stormed out of their place, but Phoebe - Phoebe had to know he was a wizard, but they'd only spoken about Ed lying that one time, hadn't they? Kyra could feel herself start to turn around in circles, and she definitely needed to talk to Pheebs...she squeezed her eyes closed, mind feeling more like Swiss cheese than a steel trap, and spoke up to steer herself away from that frightful thought.

"Why...why are you willing to share this with me now?" Kyra asked, eyeing him as seriously as she could from her spot on his lap. It's not like he hadn't had every opportunity in all of their shared time before tonight, it's not like she hadn't asked for reasons why he did this or that, it's not like they hadn't been trusted confidants on so many other issues. What made this, now, mean enough to make a change?

[Fabian Prewett]

While most believed that twins could communicate without speaking - and they could - Gideon had walked in on things a fair few times. He could only hope that the girl his brother had met at the bar had her own place, or that he didn’t come back anytime soon. There was a voice in the back of his mind that sounded like Phoebe, scolding him for not telling Kyra the whole truth. But if she found out what he’d done to make her forget, she’d never speak to him again, let alone kiss him. And she’d want to remember, and while he’d found a spell to alter her memories, he wasn’t sure if it would work to put them back. He hadn’t done any research on that, because they’d always swear that this time would be the last time. The last time she’d learn the secret of magic. And maybe this time could be the last time, with the two of them starting something real together.

It wasn’t a surprise when she pulled herself away from him, as he knew she would have questions. Not ones that would be easy to answer, he was sure. It surprised him that she didn’t have one right away though, and he waited as she gathered herself and her thoughts. He would need to explain this to Edgar and Phoebe, and he knew both of them would tell him the same thing. You have to tell her the whole truth. She’ll find out at some point, and the longer you wait the worse it will be. But if he couldn’t bring those memories back, what was he supposed to do? The idea to alter instead of erasing had been on purpose, but the last time magic had come on and Kyra and Phoebe had delivered a very good argument, he’d done the research. He didn’t know the reverse of the spell, and you couldn’t just go around asking people how to fix modified memories. The admission, however, was on the tip of his tongue when she spoke, and he hadn’t been prepared to answer that one. “I uh…

Well, technically I’m not supposed to tell a muggle - sorry, that’s a term for non-magic folk - but I sort of thought f*ck it because I don’t…” he trailed off, giving a sigh, “I don’t want to die and for you not to know. These people, this war, it’d get swept under the rug. I’m a Captain now, and I’m making decisions for a whole team of people, and these new recruits get younger and younger every year it seems like, I mean barely 17. I’ve lived a whole life since I was 17, and you - you’re the best part of all of it. That’s why now. This world is not worth living without you in it Kyra Thatcher.”

[Kyra Thatcher]

"You can't just - you can't just say that to me like we're more than we are." There was too much to dissect out of his speech, not to mention the rare vulnerability in his eye. And while the whole mass and mess of it was weighing on her bones, Kyra untangled herself from him and stood defensively, breathing heavy in agitation. On top of everything, it felt like he was on the verge of an admission of love, or that this was his sort of admission. The muddle of confusion, anger, hurt, hope, fear for him, and regret at her impulsive kiss, all were having their fun wreaking havoc on her nerves. That was so stupid of you, Kiki, you never think! She could still taste him on her lips, and she wished she couldn't.

You could have just learned of magic and his life within it and not complicated things again - why did you do that?

    He can't still love you. He can't. If he does, if you fall for him again, who's going to pick up the pieces of you this time?

They didn't speak of their feelings, not since their breakup years ago and the walls had formed up around them again. But Kyra pressed on, pacing in front of him as she spoke, unable to stop what felt like a long time coming. "Maybe we've been to you, but you've had the full story. I haven't. I let myself - I let myself love you, Fabian. That was no small thing for me, and you forced me away. I accepted that we were never going to work, not for anything real, and you - you can't just say that to me, it's not fair. I had to force myself to stop loving you, because you left me for no reason." Blinking back tears, she gestured broadly, arms out wide. "It was something to do with all this, wasn't it? Unless you were hiding something else from me?"

Letting out a harsh breath, trying to gather herself, Kyra continued firmly. "But I won't let you - die, or disappear. I won't allow it." I need you to be in the world. "I can't imagine what it's like to lead your team, the weight you carry. To see their youth and promise and wonder who...I want to understand, and I want to help." She paused before him, mind buzzing. There was more to air out, and she felt like she was missing things, but Kyra sighed, quieting. "I would have been here this whole time if you'd given me the chance."