Montioring the Malfoys - Episode 1 - The Banquet

[Lucius Malfoy]

“Am I a bad guy or a good guy? I have a light side and a dark side. It depends on the day really,” Lucius said with a chuckle under his breath, looking back to the cameras in his home, “Today I’m feeling a bit like a good guy.” He gave a few nods of his head, grin across his face before he continued. “If I was to take you out - if I was...I’d have to think about it. If I was to take you for a night out it’d probably be dinner,” he laughed, “Dinner and a show, maybe. Uhm..” Trailing off he let out another laugh, eyes flicking to the camera. He lived for the camera, had been dying to be on television for as long as he could remember. And here was there chance, filming their first season of their lives for the world to enjoy. It was absolutely perfect.

“Are we done here, then?” he asked as he stood up, soon wandering away as they prepped Draco for his interview. This would be good for Draco, some real time in the spotlight. They were already one of the most well known families, but this would take it to the next level. No longer just lower royalty, people would know them for more that just their connection to the Royal Family.

“Baron Malfoy?

Turning at the sound, he signed at the a familiar voice, looking at Dmitry - the housekeeper who was constantly a pain. Giving a sigh, Lucius tucked the phone he’d just picked up into his pocket, before giving the man his attention, “What is it Dobby?”

“Do you know what you are planning on wearing to the banquet tonight?”

“What?” he snapped, looking around Dmitry to observe how his son’s interview was progressing. His little shining star was already so good in front of the cameras, and while Lucius would argue that perhaps his son was a little too animated at the moment, it was good too see he was enjoying himself. “What banquet Dobby?”

“The one Baroness Narcissa is hosting.”

His eyes snapped back to Dmitry, anger suddenly threatening to bubble over. But - the cameras were still on, that was part of the agreement they’d made for this show. So after a deep breath, he turned on his heel and headed through the manor. “Narcissa!”

[Narcissa Malfoy]

(filed under yes, i am extra, don’t forget that you love me →
monitoring the malfoys title sequence,
introductory interview compilation)

"Heavens, Lucius," Narcissa scolded lightly, coming into the shot heels clicking on marble as she rounded a corner, clipboard in her manicured hand, "if I didn’t know better, I’d think you were poorly bred, at that tone. What is so important that you feel the need to shout for me?"

The housekeeper at her husband's heels deemed it appropriate to pipe up, his voice both nasal and accented, so thickly foreign she was certain that their poor producers would be forced to place subtitles every time he spoke. "The banquet, Baroness, it is, ah, a surprise - "

"The banquet that’s been on his calendar for weeks?" The stately blonde surveyed the little man and her husband in annoyance. She needed to remember every little thing she was feeling in this moment, for surely she'd be asked later on in an interview about what was going through her mind when Lucius Malfoy couldn't even be bothered to remember an event she was putting on for their son. 

Well, I can't say that I was surprised at his lapse, unfortunately. You see, when you're married to someone like Lucius - not like there's anyone quite like him - you become accustomed to taking care of items of importance yourself. He has so much to juggle on the daily, from the accounts to larger family affairs, and now adding in interviews even at home, that I always schedule in extra time on days like today to make sure he knows what's going on. I have to be forgiving of him, seeing that he does so much, and I am - why, I'd manage his schedule myself if that wouldn't make me his assistant.

"I was on my way to find you, so I may as well catch you up - and Dobby, remind me to find another assistant for him," Narcissa instructed, offhand, as she gave her clipboard to Lucius. The letterhead atop each page included their family crest, naturally, and her checklists for the day printed impeccably. She took an elegant invitation out from under the clip, eyeing him. "Don't tell me you have no memory of this, I spent a whole day on the phone with the printing company after they used the wrong weight of paper..." One long-suffering sigh later and she dove in to the elements of the banquet: a benefit for Draco's school, which desperately needed to update their dormitories, athletic facilites, and theatres to meet the demands of the modern student, and the modern student's family. Caterers, florists, and their special the manor is being used for an event help were already making moves to get the manor ready to host. Now it was her time to trust them to do their jobs, check them off on her list, and...take care of Lucius.

"Surely you can see the need for it - don't you remember when that light fell during last year's rendition of Peter Pan? I could understand if it was Phantom of the Opera, but the professor was hardly convincing in making it seem purposeful, the poor dear. This is to help Draco and his classmates, darling - all you have to do is put on a suit, make a toast, and make everyone enjoy your company as much as I do. Not too tall an order for you, hmm?" She kissed his cheek softly and took back her lists, doing her best to "forget" that the cameras were around. Their ubiquitous presence wasn't something she could properly prepare for before this, their first day of filming, and while it was a dramatic day to capture - while their events were always successful, something of a personal nature, riveting to their future viewers, was bound to happen - Narcissa was slightly apprehensive. With all of the added movement in and around the manor from the help and the show's staff and their future guests...You can only control so much, Narcissa. The people want to see what it's like in your life, even on messy days like today...

[Lucius Malfoy]

He loved his wife, he truly did. But how did she expect him to keep track of all of these things? He didn’t have time in his day to always check his calendar, that was what his assistant had been for. If the girl hadn’t been so pretty, perhaps she would have lasted longer. After all, with the show starting, he couldn’t have her around spilling any secrets about his schedule. Not that his latest assistant had been any good at knowing secrets in the first place, the blonde girl always talking about her travel Instagram and never any good at keeping his schedule. Pandora something or another - she’d come recommended by a former well-loved assistant Lydia. Now the secrets that girl could share...

Narcissa’s poorly bred comment hit a nerve, as he was sure she knew it would, but with a camera right near him, there was little he could do. He had to keep a calm face, a cheerful demeanor because everything about their lives needed to seem perfect.

Well I mean of course it bothered me, poorly bred. I was born a Malfoy, she only married into the family. But it’s a little thing really, not something worth making a fuss over. That’s the thing about the people you love the most, they know how to get under your skin. But she’s just wonderful really, Narcissa. She takes care of so much with the Manor, and taking care of Draco. I mean, look at all this work she’s doing just to raise money for his school! It’s quite brilliant.

He took the clipboard handed to him, looking over the familiar invitation that she was pulling from the clip. Could she really blame him for letting this slip his mind, with all the work he had put in securing the show for them. “Of course Darling, it’s all coming back to me,” he said with a sigh, nodding along dutifully as she launched into a story about raising money for Draco’s school, ignoring the phone that was vibrating in his pocket the best he could. He chuckled when she brought up Peter Pan, the disaster of a show that it had been. He’d sworn he’d have the head of whoever almost injured his son - even if Draco hadn’t been anywhere near the light that fell.

But their donations to the school would not have continued if he hadn’t gotten his way, and the banquet was a perfect way to continue to keep the school in their pockets. “I’m looking forward to it, love. My parents are as well, this must be them that keep calling, excuse me.” Turning to the producer, he motioned to the cameras as he took a few steps down the hall, “Could we get these off me for a moment? I have to take this - and find out when Rabastan is getting here, would you?”

[Rabastan Lestrange]

"I do not consent to be on your recording, you will hear from my lawyers if this goes anywhere," Rabastan declared, uncomfortable and painfully articulate as he looked into the closest camera before he shouldered past them and into the manor. Having worked for the family since graduating with his accounting degree, and wanting to get out of whatever was being shot at their home, he had no qualms about bursting in. But the scene was worse inside than it was out - and it was bad outside, to the man who knew exactly how many pounds the family had to their name. The catering vans and the like were one thing - a whole gorydamn production was happening inside, and his worst fears were being affirmed. Perhaps he should narrow down his client list to only serve them, or have Lucius become more aware of his wife's spending habits, or leave the business altogether, because they could not keep hosting unnecessary benefits, parties that didn't put any money back into their coffers...

Hand out into the lenses that were thrust his way, ignoring the pleas to sign this document or that by whatever inane staff Narcissa had hired to tape the benefit for reasons known only to her, surely, he hunted Lucius down. The housekeeper was one of the only people around who actually had his head on straight, and subtly nodded him down the proper hall. "Malfoy, this is absurd, and I need you to admit it," Rab said flatly, annoyed above all else at the persistent crew. He shrugged his shoulders in apt disbelief, coffee and briefcase in hand as he stared at the other man. I could've done anything, but no, I help my sister-in-law's family, and for what? The constant frustration of dealing with other peoples' idiotic decisions, trying to make them realize that their panic wasn't his problem, that he'd warned them of impending bankruptcy, was exhausting. But with Cordelia busy with managing The Medusas, it wasn't like they were settling down anytime soon. He could afford the stress... "You're, what, shooting a documentary about a school benefit? While putting on an expensive event accruing no personal revenue? You drive me to drink by pulling this sh*te, you know that, don't you? Especially when you give me no warning."

[Narcissa Malfoy]

While the whole show was an experiment in and of itself - were they going to be as compelling on camera as they were off of it? would they have a viewership? what would the other royals think? - Narcissa was also interested in the social experiment bit of it all. Because she'd gotten under her husband's skin with her remarks, as she was often wont to when he'd forgotten something of importance to her, but instead of retaliating, Lucius controlled his tongue. Now the question remained - would he bring this up with her when they were alone, or would he let it go? Time would tell, and Narcissa was intrigued. They'd been together for so long, even if they didn't look a day over twenty-five thanks to the exclusive beauty products she took care in procuring for them, that one might think they'd grown tired of each other's antics. Hardly. She smirked as she spoke of the benefit's rationale and her husband "recalled" what she was on about, glad that he hadn't hurried to take his phone when it began to buzz. Priorities, my love. But she gave an assenting nod when he brought up his parents - they'd always loved her, she made a mental note to get them to sit down for an interview later on - and headed off to check with the florists.

That is, until she heard a disturbance from a rather familiar voice. Oh Rabastan, you really need to lighten up. Narcissa sent off the girl with the hydrangeas and headed back to where Lucius had taken his call, laying a placating hand on their accountant's arm, an innocent beaming smile on her face.

"Surprise!"

Unsurprisingly, her charm had little effect on the dour man, and she had to laugh. "Oh, come now Rabastan, don't be so sour," Narcissa cajoled, dusting lint from his jacket. "Will you never learn to trust us? We have this all sorted out, I promise! Don't we, Lucius?"

Don't get me wrong, I love my Rabastan. But he is such a stick-in-the-mud, and always has been. My sister's been with his brother our whole lives, or so it feels, so he really is like a brother to me. And with family comes love, of course, but judgement too. He thinks that we throw these affairs without thinking, which is so off-the-mark. Believe me, I know exactly what I'm getting into. I've even had my wardrobe planned for weeks, as you have to! Otherwise, I know from experience in my earlier days, you could be stuck with something terribly uncomfortable that does you no benefits at all.

[Bellatrix Lestrange]

“Hello!” Bellatrix called, peeking in the door to the house. A large group of people at her sister’s house wasn’t unheard of, but the people who turned to look at her were new to the Malfoy Manor. She knew most of them quite well (the benefit to being the wife of a producer) and greeted the individual closest to her with a hug and a smile. Fake pleasantries for fake people, that was the world that they lived in. “Darling, we must catch up over lunch sometime. I know, I know, you’re busy right now but call me later and we’ll set something up!” It was always busy on set, but today was the first day of shooting for her sister’s new show. It was important for her to be here, showing her support for the Malfoys.

I’m kidding of course, I’m not a witch. I wouldn’t have so many enemies if I was. But that’s the life of a music critique, you know. People don’t like hearing the truth sometimes, and I am all about making sure I’m truthful. It’s why I’m such a fan of the Medusa’s, although rumor has it that Lucius had a thing with one of the girls once. But it’s just a rumor of course, and I’m sure my sister would deny it if you brought it up.

It didn’t take her long to find her family, after all, they were being followed by the camera crew. She stopped as she found her husband, giving him a kiss on the cheek before she entered Lucius’ study. Much to her surprise, not only did she find her sister and her no good sister’s husband, but her own brother-in-law who was looking particularly sour. “Narcissa!” she exclaimed, crossing the room to hug her sister - smile on her face for the cameras, of course. “Oh, I couldn’t wait to come by, I’m so excited for this banquet for Draco. And Lucius, you look well.” Her brother-in-law looked annoyed by her presence, but not nearly as upset as Rabastan did. “What have you done to make Bunny’s face look like that? Surely Rabastan, you can’t hate us all that much.”

[Deleted]

"Get the bloody idiot off my set!" the young producer yelled across the room, a rarity in and of itself, seeing as Rodolphus never really raises his voice at anyone and was quite easy to work with...if you ignore his tendency to brood that is. Yeah, he has this quirky habit of being all nice and charming one minute then broody and off in his own world the next. Can’t take it? Then f*ck off.

Though for anyone that has worked for the young genius in the past, or has known him for even just a little while, they’d notice that he was particularly off today – unbearable, grouchy, impatient, etc. And the reason for his sour mood was currently in the next room, talking to his camera crew and filming the first ever episode of Head in my ass and not coming out anytime soon. While Mia had persuaded(let it be said that no amount of sex would have made him say yes had Mia not come up with an acceptable reason for him to go through with this f*cking circus but anyway, dirty sex was always welcome right?) him to produce the show…for the publicity and her sister and her moron of a husband, it was still a lot of work, since Narcissa had only said ‘please, people would just love to see our daily lives, no script or plot needed’ and left everything else that needed to be taken care of to Rodolphus. Typical Malfoy. The only reason he was currently purposefully away from his cast was so he wouldn’t accidentally massacre the whole show and just hang himself.

He could see it now, his legacy. Gone. Dead. Worst TV show ever.
To think he’d worked so hard to get to this point too…

Although Mia’s peck on the cheek did wonders for his mood, it was still a long way to go before he could say he felt the urge to kill something subside. Too bad they’d agreed a long time ago to never show too much public affection, seeing as the older Lestrange brother was private man and as jealous as they come. He swears he’d hit Alecto Carrow for staring at his wife so wantonly if it didn’t mean he’d be facing sexual harassment and assault charges.

Great, now to break the good news to Rab…

The moody former Slytherin thought silently as he heard the conversation shift to his brother. Clearly he was the only one out of the loops, seeing as he didn’t care for such trash. Too bad, he wasn’t getting out of this any more than Rod was likely to get out of producing this freaking brain-melting show. “Narcissa came up with the idea of making a reality show of the Malfoys’ lives and they bullied me into producing it. This is the first episode and as far as market reviews and surveys say, there are enough people who like watching this stuff sh*t to keep up ratings and rake in money.” hoping his brother wouldn’t kill him for bending to his wife’s will so easily. He never could refuse her, something his wife knew all too well and exploited all too much.

f*ck.

“The banquet is for Draco cause apparently somebody went to great lengths to stop Peter Pan from flying and now they’re raising money for the ridiculously overpriced private school that leeches on the elite.” Have I missed anything? Feeling a migraine coming as he came to a stop beside his brother, ready to call it a day and throw in his hat and trade it for some quality booze.

“Oh and you’re co-owner of the company so you don’t have to be their accountant anymore if you don’t want to be.” And that’s everything. At least he could edit himself out of all episodes of this ill-fated show.

This TV show will be one of a kind and I'm excited to introduce this new project to our viewers out there. I'm thankful for all the love and support and wish each and every one of you a happy day and we'll keep bringing entertainment and drama to the table for all you fans out there. 

Peace out

(the bellow will be never see the light of day, purely for rant)

f*ck Cissa for coming up with this f*cking disaster and f*ck them for thinking I'd even want to produce this in the first place. I mean, why would I? It's giving me cancer just thinking about it! And screw f*cking dumbass viewers for actually liking this sh*t! f*ck you all!

[Lucius Malfoy]

“Listen, I can’t talk to you right now. Just do me a favor - do us all a favor really, and lose my phone number,” Lucius hissed into the phone, pacing his study. He didn’t have the time to be dealing with the sobbing girl on the other end of the phone, and he gave a long sigh as she begged him to reconsider. But before he could continue, the door to his study was being opened and Rabastan was making an appearance, and the man wasn’t in a good mood. He hung up the phone, dropping it back into his pocket as he crossed his arms across his chest. Did the man really think they hadn’t considered every aspect of this before they had started? Thankfully Narcissa was soon joining them, her charm having little effect on calming the man. “Narcissa is right, everything is being handled.”

Before he could give him anymore information, however, a familiar voice was echoing throughout the Manor. Bellatrix Lestrange had impeccable timing it seemed, always arriving at the Manor when it was inconvenient. He should have known she would show up today, seeing as her husband was the one producing their show. She was practically eating it up, being in front of the cameras, telling him that he looked well like they were friends. They may have been family, but Lucius did his best to avoid spending time with the Lestranges when that was an option.

Rodolphus was getting Rabastan up to speed on what was happening, the man obviously still bitter about the fact he had been dragged into this in the first place. Lucius would have been willing to find another producer to make their show, but it was just so convenient to have Rodolphus do the work. It brought a spark of joy to Lucius to know that a man who hated him was now being forced to film their life. “I’d hardly say she bullied you into it,” he said with a laugh, clapping a hand down on Rabastan’s shoulder. “And you shouldn’t worry either, this show will bring in plenty of money. We’ve got everything under control here.”

What can I say about the Lestrange’s that hasn’t already been said? Rabastan is great at what he does, even if he is a little uptight. And Bella, well, she’s one to start rumors. I wouldn’t be surprised if she’s already trying to start drama - but it’s best to just let her do her thing. Her and Rodolphus are great together, almost as good as me and Narcissa are. In the end what matters is that they are family, and we protect family.

[Rabastan Lestrange]

Assurances upon assurances, family members appearing out of thin air, and none of it was proving to Rabastan that this was an idea worthy of anyone's time. 

The blonde had her just let me get away with this smile on, the one she wore when persuading those of even less intellect to bid higher at silent auctions, and she had hands on him that had never done a true day's work in their lives, and he stiffly shifted away from her to return his attention to her husband. Everything is being handled? I know you can organize an event on your own, that's not what I'm concerned about. Before he could rebut them, his sister-in-law chose the moment to arrive, shedding some light on what was happening today, at least. A banquet for your own son? He turned a look of deepening disbelief from Bellatrix to the parents who were keen on showcasing their talentless son in some sort of video production, evidently...

It wasn't that Rabastan had no patience. He did. For spreadsheets, numbers - not the wifi when it was down, but for his work, on his own, he was meticulous, and it didn't tire him. What wore his patience thin was this. Lucius and Narcissa doing something stupid, Bellatrix calling him that horrid nickname and wearing her most false of smiles. He was, thankfully, saved from saying something regrettable to the lot of them by his elder brother, who did quick work of filling him in. He met the other Lestrange's eyes, blue as his own, and while Rodolphus explained what was happening clearly enough, it was even more plain to him why this absurdity was occurring.

And you say I'm whipped. You've never said "no" to Bellatrix, have you?

Because surely the show's "star" had told her sister this is what she wanted, and Bellatrix did what she had to in order to ensure it did...

But did the general public truly have so little to do in their own lives that they wanted to watch the vapid "inner lives" of Baron Lucius and his wife, the Baroness Narcissa Malfoy?

Rabastan stared at his brother at the last - Do you really think I'm going to give up my independent business to commit to this doomed project? - and was shaken out of his thoughts as Lucius ever so genially clapped him on the shoulder. Why were they all so intent on being buddy-buddy today? Did they think he'd excuse their ludicrous behavior because they were on camera? For even now, the black lenses like the eyes of insects were peering in on this family affair. He shook off Lucius' hand with a look of disdain, letting out a grievous sigh, the first of many, he was certain.

At least Cordelia would publicly agree with him that this was idiotic.

"It is not that I hate you all, sister dear," Rabastan belatedly replied, words dripping in sarcasm as his cool eyes found Bellatrix's. "It is simply that I feel I should have been consulted on this before it began. I would love to see that market research for myself, brother mine. Seeing as this is attached to my name, whether I like it or not. Which, until I am proven wrong and shown that this is a lucrative venture, let the record show that I do not condone any of this. We have actual business to discuss, when you have a moment, Lucius." 

Exhausting, all of you. Could you not have kept your wife more entertained, Malfoy?

A staffer separated from the gaggle surrounding the cameras - how was someone supposed to move when there were so many people around? - and held out a clipboard with a release, touching his elbow to gain his attention and - 

His outburst was followed-up with his best camera-ready smile to placate the startled girl, and with another disapproving look to the people he was, unfortunately, bound to for life, followed her out. There wasn't yet a way out of this for him, but that didn't mean he had to give them everything they wanted. They wanted him to appear on camera? Fine. Interview? Fine. That hardly meant he was going to divulge personal details or make a fool of himself for the entertainment of the proclaimed masses.

[Narcissa Malfoy]

A sad truth to this world is that some people are determined to be unhappy.

Rabastan Lestrange could lead their pitiful little colony.

It didn't matter to him that she and Lucius had thought this through. It wouldn't matter to him that his brother and sister-in-law were on board. Hell, it may not even matter that he could double his income because of their combined efforts! No. No, once the younger Lestrange decided he didn't agree, there was little one could do to sway his mind. Some may appreciate that tendency, perhaps presuming he was steadfast to his convictions or something "noble" of the sort, but in reality - it was petulance, stubbornness, for no cause other than he didn't immediately see the value in something.

And, more than anything - he liked to be proven right. He would not gloat. He would not hold it over their heads if they failed. But he would have that knowing look in his eye, that condescending tone, and Narcissa would not allow that to happen. Her idea for the show was worthwhile. Her allies were more powerful than his. And he would be eating a whole tin of humble pie by Christmas Eve.

A blessing it was, then, that Bella arrived. While the blonde hadn't allowed her thoughts to bring shadows to her features, her smile did brighten as her sister came to her. "Bella, darling! Draco will be so glad to see you!" In hugging the other woman, her face concealed momentarily, she let herself breathe out some of her frustration in a heavy sigh. She had too much to take care of today for Rabastan to try and bring her spirits down, had he no conception of how selfish he truly was being? This was important to her, and they were family. She needed today to go well. Their brand was on the rise, but if they had missteps so early...You will fix this. As they separated, said spirits were buoyed up by her sister’s taunts. See what you get, Rabastan? That horrible nickname is going out to the world in episode one. Would it kill you to smile?

Her brother-in-law's entry to the already overcrowded space was unwelcome - words more than presence. Only a life in the spotlight, in one way or another, could keep her tongue in check. But the vein mostly hidden by the sweep of her hair was throbbing painfully as he painted so broad a swath over the production. You were not bullied. Our viewers do not like watching sh*t. It is positively uncouth to speak of money like this. And are both of you incapable of showing any positivity? Her saving grace, as always, was her husband. While she knew that this was not an ideal situation for him, he'd been nothing but supportive, and he was not failing her now. She spared him a look of thanks and affection, but Rabastan chose to make a scene...

"You're going to have to work your magic, Rodolphus," she whispered tensely after the man left the room. "Take that out, all of it. I'm disappointed. No tact from either of you boys. I expect much better in the future." Her phone chimed and she took it from the pocket of her dress, stifling a sigh as she scanned the update from the caterer. "Find an interview coach for you both, and make that a priority." She tucked the device away again and began out of the crowded study. "Bella, come assist me with Draco, would you? He needs to rehearse. But don't be too harsh on him. Lucius - " She turned on a heel and laid softer eyes on him, taking what comfort she could from the brief moment. "Thank you. Take the time you need with the Lestranges, but ensure that you are ready for guests by half past four." With that, she left to track down her son, presuming that her sister - and a pair of cameramen - were on her tail.

You’ve heard what? I’m sorry for laughing, darling, please forgive me - but certainly you didn’t get into journalism to purport rumors! My husband and I are as faithful as they come, and however “reliable” your anonymous source is, I swear to you on my son that they were leading you on in an effort to embarrass us! Dissatisfied former employees have been known to sell their lies to the tabloids to make a few pounds, never once thinking of the hurt they would have caused us had there been any truth to their words. But I assure you - if you want to dig, you are at full liberty to do so, but you will find nothing of such sordid interest.

He has no reason to stray, as surely you can see after spending even a little time with us. We will have our differences, as any couple does, but what matters in the end is that we’re family. We protect family.