Aug. 13: It'd Be So Nice, Right?: Roderick

[Mary Macdonald]

▶︎ both of us, we'll be thinking about how different we are
from those scared little kids...

directly after: can't blame a girl for trying 
mary's sabrina carpenter era

This isn't a good idea - why would he want to see you today?

    No, it needs to be now, he needs to know that nothing happened -

As Mary landed at the apparition point near Roddy and Bill's, her tumbling thoughts returned, and she adamantly shoved them down. It was in the neighborhood of four years to the day since the first time she'd been here, although she had side-along'd in those days, clinging tight to her beau and delighting in the closeness and novelty of the journey. She'd cheered at his graduation and danced with him after, she'd known that he wasn't returning to school with her - but somewhere over that summer, in some ways more indecipherable than others, Rod had grown up. Or so it had seemed to her when she was just looking ahead to her fifth year. It was so strange to think that she was now that "grown up" - sure, Roddy had always had a direction that she lacked, which gave him an earnest certainty, a trusted maturity. But he'd still been just as sweet and kind and silly, and she doubted that he'd ever taken down that weary party banner...

Maybe he hadn't outgrown her then, as she'd worried he was starting to. But these years apart had allowed them room to grow, he'd flourished in his program and hadn't had to worry over a girlfriend in Scotland, she'd been made prefect and had wanted to laugh about that with him so badly... The what if's had haunted her since they parted, and part of her hoped they'd done the same to him. For he'd never left her mind, or her heart. Not really. Today had shown that, if nothing else had.

For today. Today. Her date with Fabian had been nice, perfectly nice. Her sister had nudged them together, and having Alice's stamp of approval was something of a must. And he made her laugh, humored her at the teashop, was a jolly time to be around...and when they'd run across Roderick on the lane, she hadn't seen him in so long - and she'd never wanted to end a date faster. It felt all kinds of wrong to be on anyone else's arm, even if it was all speculation on her part that he may have been bothered by more than simple surprise, even if she had no reason to feel as guilty as she did. 

And perhaps Mary was being foolhardy, running here immediately after saying goodbye to Fabian, both knowing that romance was not in the cards for them. But it felt like so much was unsaid between her and Roddy, and now - now that both of their lives had changed, was there still space for the other? Maybe even greater than before? And maybe he had had his own what if's, and maybe he thought she hadn't. He should know that I do. If he still feels for me, he should know what I still feel for him.

The young witch turned on a heel and left the alley, straightening herself up in the windows of shopfronts as she went, heart thundering in her chest as she neared the building. The stairs gave her greater time to think, to doubt, to turn back, and Mary kept on. A loss of momentum today, and who knew how many more years would pass before they faced each other plainly? Even if he didn't feel that way for her any more, could they still clear the air? Find a way to be friends? Could you stomach that? "Roddy?" she called at the door, knocking rapidly. "Roderick? It's Mary, are you home?"

[Roderick Bones]

This was quite possibly one of the worst f*cking days ever, and he didn’t think he was being too dramatic about it. Knowing that a man he had always considered his older brother was on a date with the woman he had himself convinced at 17 he was going marry was really just too much for him. But he should have just left it at the knowledge this was happening - thanks to Edgar - and not gone to see for himself. He knew this should have been expected, and he was sure this wasn’t the first date Mary had gone on since they separated so long ago. He’d been on a few dates, although the last one was the reason he felt he should have been more prepared for this. He’d gone on a date in Hogsmeade, and he knew she lived there and it was possible to run into her. They hadn’t talked to each other, but he’d still felt terrible and was glad that the date was over. He hadn’t been out with anyone since, even with Bill and Annette trying to encourage him.

So he’d popped on over to Hogsmeade, and checked the usual places for a date, although he avoided Puddifoot’s. It turned out he didn’t necessarily need to, as he’d run into them walking down the lane, Mary on Fabian’s arm. It was clear that Fabian had been slightly surprised to see him, but the two hadn’t spoken. There was nothing that needed to be said that wasn’t apparent on his face. So he’d gone home and vented to Bill and Annette, who were definitely tired of hearing about this by now. That was when he had made the decision that he was going to Hogsmeade, and he was going to her house to tell her that it didn’t matter that it had been so many years, he loved her still. He’d prepared himself on the way there for her to tell him it didn’t matter, that she didn’t feel the same. But she wasn’t home, he learned from the Applebee twins, and Roderick was frustrated that her date with Fabian was apparently going better than he had expected.

So he was walking home, having apparated back a ways from his flat so that he could clear his head with a bit of a walk. Mary was allowed to date who she wanted, but Fabian could have told Roderick about it instead of him having to hear it secondhand. That was a rude move on Fabian’s part, and the two of them would be having words about it. If Edgar didn’t tear into him first. Taking the steps up to his flat two at a time, before stopping once he reached his floor. Because he heard his name, and he knew that voice, and as he came out of the stairwell he saw Mary standing on his doorstep. “Mary?” he said, fishing his keys out of his pocket as he approached her. His heart was beating fast in his chest, but he didn’t want to read into the fact that she had come to find him like he had gone to find her. “Was out for a walk, here let me…” he trailed off as he unlocked the door. He held it open for him to follow him inside and was silently thankful that Bill and Annette didn’t seem to be around at the moment. “I uh, well,” he tried to say as he went into the kitchen, suddenly desperate for a glass of water. “Water?”

[Mary Macdonald]

What'll you do if it's just Bill? He could've gotten an earful already, will let you have it -

    You'd deserve it -

This is what you get for being impulsive, Roddy could be anywhere...

The look on his face when they'd passed each other in Hogsmeade, it had broken her heart all over again. What he'd been doing there to begin with, Mary couldn't say, it wasn't as if she'd seen him out and about there since she'd started living in the village. A little shopping, meeting friends, a drink? But what's in Hogsmeade that isn't much more convenient to find in Diagon Alley? She couldn't help but wonder, and with the longtime ties he had to her date as well - Foolish, selfish, hurtful of you, Mary. - she wondered if he'd...hoped, or feared, running into them...

Before long there were hurried footsteps on the stairs, and she turned to see Roderick coming down the hall. It was hard to read his face, while he seemed as flustered as she was - was there any part of him that was glad, or relieved, to see her? She smiled uncertainly and followed him into the flat, closing the door behind them, and the quiet assured her that they were alone. Something that, consciously or not, it felt as though they'd gone to great lengths avoid since their breakup. To keep from...pain, temptation, regret? To pretend that they were fine with how they'd ended, and with living separate lives since? Well, not that they were completely separate - especially as Frank and Rod became so close, running into each other at this event or that was inevitable, and always a shock to the system that she did her best to hide. 

Being invited by Frank to be involved in his proposal to Alice over this last holiday, while something she would not have missed for the world, and something she was so grateful to him for including her in, had been the most difficult of such overlapping events. Because, naturally - Roderick was there. And it was just the two of them, witnessing the most heartfelt exchange of their nearest and dearest, crying tears of joy and doing their darnedest to keep out of their heads and celebrate the newly engaged pair. At least, that was how it had been for her. Trying to ignore how hearing such beautiful words between Frank and Alice stirred up their own days of sweet nothings that had meant everything, to forget that the last time they'd witnessed a proposal together they were only just beginning, to keep focused on the deliriously blissful couple... She couldn't be happier for them, but sharing that moment with her first and only love? Brutal.

"That'd be lovely, thank you," Mary said as she trailed after him, not quite sure how to begin. The last thing she wanted was to scare him off, which she now feared surprising him at his doorstep had already done. Regardless, the young witch kept close, and took up a spot against the kitchen counter top. She tracked him with her eyes as he moved about the kitchen, worrying at her lip as she worried over an approach - This is why you prepare. - and sent a smile of thanks as he handed her a glass. She took a sip and started turning the glass around in her hands, looking up to meet his warm brown eyes. Eyes that made her melt, and hope that they could at least sit down with each other for a little while, even if the words were so easily fumbled and difficult to get right. "Roddy, I'm - I'm sorry to show up like this, I don't mean to invade your space uninvited, but I really wanted to see you tonight. Just us. I truly want to apologize for today, and I feel like there's this - this wall between us, and I get why it's there, but I..." She trailed off with the breath of a laugh, chancing a short-lived smile at him as she continued, "Merlin above, I just want to kick it down. Can we please talk? Openly?"

[Roderick Bones]

He desperately wanted to read into the fact that Mary was on his doorstep, but he knew he didn’t want his mind to get carried away. It was a mistake on his part to go to Hogsmeade when he knew she was going to be on a date with Fabian, but part of him hadn’t wanted to believe it was true. He’d needed to see for himself that she was moving on, even if it was with someone he considered to be his brother. At least, that was what he had told himself. If he saw her with someone else, maybe he could finally find it in his heart to give dating another try. Because their paths had crossed over the years since their split, more than once. The last time Mary was here, he had been moving in with Bill, and there had been so much excitement all around. He was out on his own, and she had supported him endlessly. Even when they called things off, he still felt that she always had his back. Over the years he had grown close with Frank, and that had ended up with their paths crossing again as Frank and Alice went from casually dating to Frank proposing over the last holiday. It had been such a special moment to witness, and yet a painful one. Because he’d convinced himself long ago that Mary was his one, and watching her sister and his best friend take that next step with Mary by his side, but them not together? It had stirred up all sorts of emotions, and luckily his tears had been interpreted as happy tears for the newly engaged couple.

Mary followed him inside, and he found it was easier to focus on anything in his flat. He could hear the sound of her footsteps following him into the kitchen, and he busied himself with getting water for them both instead of looking over at her. There were so many things he wanted to say to her, but he wasn’t sure where to begin. Or why she had even sought him out tonight of all nights. But it only took so long to fill two cups with water, and he finally looked at her as he passed her a glass. There was a lingering silence between them that he desperately wanted to fill, and as she looked up at him, Roderick wanted nothing more than to ask her to stay, and never leave again.

But Mary spoke first, and her words caught him off guard. He hadn’t expected her to apologize for anything, from showing up to seeing each other earlier in the night. Or that she wanted to talk to him openly about things because there was a wall that had been built between them. He had put in there to keep himself from expressing how his heart had broken when they’d split, or how it had stayed broken over the years. “You don’t have to apologize,” he answered her quietly, reaching forward with his free hand to brush stay hair behind her ear, “I should be the one apologizing, I shouldn’t have come to Hogsmeade tonight. It’s just…I didn’t want to believe it. You and Fabian, it wasn’t my business.” Which was the truth, it wasn’t his business. He’d made it his business after Edgar had tipped him off. “But if we are talking openly, I would like to admit that I wish you wouldn’t have another date with him. He’s a great guy and I get the appeal. But he’s…” He trailed off, unsure of what he wanted to say. He didn’t want to speak negatively of Fabian, and he wanted to just tell her that he still was in love with her. Both of those options didn’t seem right to him at this moment. “I wouldn’t want to see you get hurt.”

[Mary Macdonald]

Rod's words came in a whisper, gentle as the touch of the hand that swept back her hair. The frenetic energy that had propelled her this far still buzzed within her, and this momentary touch, this slightest tender gesture, gave her the hope she so needed to continue. This did nothing to soothe the heart making a proper racket in her chest, and Mary - she couldn't quite fathom the rush of feeling, but she was glad for it. She was glad for for its intensity, as intimidating as the oncoming flood was, after being so forcibly held back since their goodbye. She'd needed that protection to cope, but if her hope wasn't misplaced...it was good to feel the wall start to crack, and a surprise, and threatening towards overwhelming...and it was good, all the same.

As he spoke and his arm fell back towards his side, she reached for him, catching his forearm, drifting down to his hand. Mary shook her head, his hand held warm and secure in her own where it belonged, because he had nothing to apologize for. She had had no ulterior motive with Fabian, she hadn't been trying to get Roderick's attention that way - but regardless of her intent, he'd found out, and come to the village. She'd thought that they'd find each other again once she was done with school, she'd been waiting on a sign that he still held a torch for her - although she should have sent one herself and saved them this trouble - and this was it. A sign from the love she thought she'd lost, even as he both commended and warned against Fabian, as only he could, in showing that he still cared for her. The pain in his voice couldn't be ignored, and she ached to take it away. She would take it away.

You will, you'll clear this all up.

    He doesn't want you to not go out with him again just because Fabian is...Fabian. Right?

"He can't hurt me, honey." She took a shaky breath, adrenaline pumping as her eyes darted up to meet his. "We've called it. I can't speak for him, but I think...I think we're more alike than we knew, and not in ways that help us. Seeing a first date with someone new as less risky than...this." Daring to face someone they'd loved, someone they did love, that they shared unfinished business with. Roderick had her heart yet, full of all the love she had to give, however much she'd tried to convince herself otherwise. He could hurt her far more than Fabian ever could, just as she suspected a certain muggle could still wreak havoc with the Agent's heartstrings. But with their whole lives ahead of them, and both freed of what they had allowed to pull them apart, if there was ever a time to trust instead of fear, to take a worthy risk... "I made a mistake, Roddy. Well - lots of them, really, but the worst was letting you go. I should have fought for you, you have always deserved someone who will do that. I couldn't then," Mary admitted, the mangled fears of losing him for good having gotten the better of her all that time ago, "but I'm here now. I'm here, and I'm hoping I'm not too late."

[Roderick Bones]

While he didn’t want to admit it, he probably owed Fabian an apology too. And he would give Fabs one, right after he was done tearing into him for not having the guts to tell him about the date himself. He didn’t consider Fabian to be a coward, Fabian was easily one of the bravest people that Roderick knew. So why hadn’t he come to Roderick to tell him about the date? Perhaps because he didn’t want to say anything until it was more than one date - but Fabian should have known that Edgar would spill the news. After all, Mary was to Roderick as Phoebe was to Edgar. He wondered if Kyra knew about it, and what she thought of her ex-boyfriend's actions. The on-again, off-again relationship Kyra and Fabian had was a point of contention in their whole group, mostly because of the covering up of magic and altering of memories. It would be easier if she just knew the truth.

So while he wouldn’t speak ill of Fabian, he had to make his feelings about Mary dating him known. Even if she hated him for it if she told him it was none of his business. But she reached for his arm as he pulled away, her hand finding his. He gave her hand a squeeze, willing himself to not get emotional over the simplest touch. His eyes didn’t seem to get that memo though, and he blinked back the tears that had sprung to his eyes. But he met her eyes with his, hoping that she wouldn’t see he was about to cry, and listened intently to what she had to say. He was caught off guard that she and Fabian had already called it, and had to wonder if his arrival in Hogsmeade had something to do with it. At least, there was a part of him that hoped she still cared for him the way that he cared for her. He felt like his heart was pounding, and willed himself to keep listening to her and not interrupt with his confession of love.

While he had imagined this moment over the years, he’d always figured he would be the one admitting to mistakes and asking for another chance. It had never crossed his mind that she might be the one to admit to it all first. “You aren’t too late,” he said quietly, bringing her hand to his lips to kiss the back of it. “I should have never let you go, and I should have fought for you too. I’ve spent the years we’ve been apart regretting the decision I made to let you go.” Having this out in the open felt like the wall they’d built between them was falling, and he smiled at her before he placed a kiss to her forehead. “You’ve always been the one, Mary MacDonald.”

[Mary Macdonald]

Decisive, defining moments didn't come her way often. Or, rather - Mary didn't often pursue them. Life was simpler when she continued forward on the path she was already on, and after all, she was generally content. The friendships she'd built buoyed her when she needed such lifts, especially in this time apart from Roderick. Her work was enjoyable and steady, and she was learning more of the behind-the-scenes of the business now that she'd graduated, and was excited to, one day, take what she'd learned into a shop of her own. Living with the others in the house was like being in a home full of long-lost family, complete with shared jokes and little annoyances and bigger triumphs, and she was grateful for every minute of it. But nights like this, where she'd not only gone out with someone new, but ended a relationship before it began, and all but turned and run the opposite way down her path, taking the fork that led her back to Roddy - no, these nights didn't come often, and she vowed to remember every second of this one. Because whatever his reaction, she owed it to them both to try. After this, whether they chose to try again together or to let the past go for good, they would have their answer.

He let her take his hand, and his eyes shone, and it didn't seem like he'd thought this was how the night would go, any more than she had when she'd left Puddifoot's. But Roddy was here, hearing her out - stunned, frankly, and Mary didn't blame him one bit - and he was still here. She said her piece and her heart lay exposed, and Mary hoped she wasn't - she hoped that she wasn't too much, that she wasn't unwanted, that time hadn't dulled or soured or corroded his feelings towards her past the point of return. He would never be cruel to her, he didn't have that in his heart, but indifference would wound just as much - 

You're not too late.

He spoke, Roddy spoke, and he said words she'd needed to hear from him for so long. They crashed into her in thunderous waves, even if he could only get them out in whispers, too overcome for anything more. His soft lips kissed the back of her hand, her forehead, and Roderick smiled. Tearfully, joyously, he smiled, and before he moved any further away, before either of them overthought this any more, Mary pulled him to her.

You've always been the one.

She pulled him to her, herself to him, and kissed him fiercely. She pressed herself against him, and let her inhibitions go as whatever was left of their wall crumbled down. The rush of feeling, the long-denied burning for him, would leave her scorched, and she welcomed it. In finally, finally, admitting what she wanted, and finding he was of the same heart - Mary was in no rush to unwind herself from him. She couldn't make up for their separation with one kiss - that was far too much pressure to put onto a (round of second) first kiss(es), and rather unfair - but by the time they parted, she felt confident that they were well on their way.

"Oh my word, honey - I have missed you," Mary breathed as she blinked away tears of her own, balancing against him and on the balls of her feet as she tenderly took his dear face in her hands. She thumbed away the wetness at his eyes with a smile, tempted to laugh at herself at her earlier anxious, fleeting thought of the possibility that he could be indifferent. She took him in, and he was handsome as he'd ever been, her Roddy, with a jawline and dimples out of a romance novel. The little things she hadn't been able to take notice of in their last few shared times, not wanting to get caught staring, she took advantage of the moment to look for. Clues about the long hours, the strain, of his training, would surely become evident in time. But in this moment, with their focus on her, she couldn't see anything else in his eyes but - dare she think it - love. The energy that had brought her here began settling itself into something more manageable - she was still dreadfully excited, delirious in her happiness - and she breathed easier for the first time since seeing him in the village as her hands clasped behind his neck. "Do you have work in the morning? Or can we - I feel like I've missed everything that's happened with you, and we could be up for days catching up, and I'd love nothing more."

[Roderick Bones]

Roderick knew this night could have gone in so many different directions. He could have made a scene - although that wasn’t like him - or he could have shown up to the Prewetts flat and given Fabian a piece of his mind. Instead, he had come home, to wallow more than anything before Bill and Annette returned. He had expected to see the girl of his dreams on his doorstep or to hear that Mary still felt the same way about him as he felt about her. Had he always held out hope that one day maybe they would come back together? Of course, he had, and it was why any dates he’d been on since he and Mary split never worked out. He wanted Mary, she was the half that made him whole. Roderick had always thought Edgar was foolish when they were younger, for hanging on to hope that he and Phoebe would be something more than a summer romance. And now they were married with kids, living the life of their dreams. Roderick should never have doubted his bond with Mary, he should have fought with everything he had to keep them together. He would have figured out Hogsmeade trips, and summers spent together would have been filled with laughter.

He couldn’t change the past, but he could decide his future. And his future was the woman in front of him, laying out her feelings and waiting for him to return them. It was hard to keep the smile off his face as he spoke, and even harder to keep the grin gone as she pulled him to her, and kissed him with fervor. This was their happily ever after, and he knew he would treasure this moment forever. Their second first kiss, the kiss that reminded him that his heart wasn’t frozen and that he could still find some happiness in a world that seemed so bleak. Mary MacDonald was a ray of sunshine that was putting his heart back together, and he never wanted to let her go.

They pulled away, and he smiled down at her as she took his face in her hands. He hoped his eyes could say what he felt, because Merlin, he loved this woman. And if he was Edgar, perhaps he would get down on one knee and propose to her right now. “Work can wait,” he said, leaning forward to give her a kiss. “We can take all the time in the world catching up and I’d love nothing more than that. Although,” he said with a laugh, “Bill and Annette will probably come home at some point. But they can deal with it. I don’t ever want to leave your side again.”

[Mary Macdonald]

Rod treated her to another kiss when she was still reeling from the first, and while she knew that her housemates and Alice were all expecting to hear from her about tonight's date, and that some may come to an entirely incorrect conclusion if she didn't check in, she was not about to put a pause in this. They'd paused for long enough, and the lot could have their giggles now, to be corrected later in triumph. Just how much "later" had yet to be determined - her aunt and uncle would have forbade her from seeing him again if she'd ever successfully snuck a night here that summer, but she was no longer a teenager under their roof, and the prospect of an uninterrupted night spent however they chose was a thrill to the young witch in and of itself. And while Alice had encouraged her and Fabian to take a chance on each other, well - surely they could all still be friendly, it was only one date, and Mary couldn't imagine her sister being anything but elated for where she was now. They'd have all the time in the world to talk, she and Alice and Roddy and Frank, soon enough.

Oh my word. Their wedding. We'll be together - at their wedding!

As her love affirmed - if work could wait, the rest could too. The joy in his words was something she had longed to bring out of him for so long, and while Mary knew that there had to be some bumps waiting for them as they learned each other again, it was the easiest thing to promise - "Good. I'm not going anywhere. And I suppose, if we must, we can stop and say hello when they get in. It'll be so good to see them, really!"

While they hadn't been an item in the days Mary had frequented this flat before, she'd been elated, if surprised, to hear tell of the couple. They were going strong a few years in, if her memory tracked, and she was excited to see what they brought out of each other with her own eyes. She'd been a tad intimidated, back then, by the towering Mediwizard who tended to speak before he thought - and did hope that he'd be happy to see her like this again, if just for Roddy's sake at first. Annette and the men had taken care of each other through these years of her absence, and she owed the couple her thanks. 

"Weddings seem to be something of a charm for us, you know," she teased with the tug of a grin, dropping her heels and taking him by the hand. "Living room's still this way?" Alright, so, the strung-in-the-stars marriage of his brother and sister-in-law couldn't wholly be credited to the pair of worried teenagers hunkered down over an ice cream, playacting their way through real problems - but at the time, it had certainly brought her a mountain of undue pride to see Phoebe accept a ring. "The first time we connected, well - fixed everything for Edgar and Phoebe, didn't we? And they were engaged within a month. And now, Alice and Frank and about to walk down the aisle, and we've found each other again."