Letting It Out - 16 December '78 - Charlotte

[Remus Lupin]

It was finally winter break, and he couldn't help but smile as he draped his arm over Charlotte's shoulders as the entered the main hallway of his flat. He had picked her up from the train station, flowers in hand, pleased that they would have a few weeks together. But as they walked up the stairs, the reminder of the conversation he needed to have with her was hitting him hard. Two days ago had been the full moon. It had been a rough one, as was the case with them these days. Many of his cuts were still fresh, and he had been glad that the trip from the train station to his flat with Charlotte hadn't been full of questions about his new injuries.

Unlocking the door to his flat, he let her enter first, picking up her bags and closing the door behind him. She was only here for a couple of days before she would have to go see her family - before he would meet her family - and he needed to make the most of it. Because it was very possible that after the conversation he needed to have with her, she wouldn't want to be in his apartment. Or meet his family. Or have him meet her family.

Trying to calm his thoughts, he pulled his girlfriend into his arms, resting his chin on top of her head as he enjoyed the moment. Things had gotten worse in the past few months. Daisy and Peter were back together - but her mother had been killed my Death Eaters. And the war was getting more real to them all everyday. He needed these simple moments, the reminder that not everything the word was bad. Placing a kiss on the top of her head, he let her go, intertwining their fingers as he looked down at her and nodded to the couch.

"Do you want to sit? There is something I need to tell you." 

[Charlotte Fudge]

There really wasn't a good way to begin the I-know-what-you've-been-hiding-from-me-is-that-you're-a-werewolf talk.

Any way Charlotte had tried to wrap her head around it, nothing seemed to make much sense. Because it wasn't something she could just come out and say - this was, with any luck in the universe, something Remus would bring up. It was his secret to share, after all. But just because it was his secret didn't mean that 1) she hadn't figured it out and 2) needed to talk about it. After their different sort of encounter in October, Char had put her mind to work, doing what she could with the vague rationales he gave her and what she had observed so far in their time together. Many hours in the library later and not very long ago, everything had clicked into place, and today the fresh wounds she could see in skin not covered by his winter gear only confirmed her theory.

The full moon had been two days ago, after all. Needed more time than that to heal up.

So it was a quiet trip to Remus' flat, the unsaid things following them closely - he'd shown up for her at King's Cross with flowers, bless him, and was being so loving that she didn't want to ruin the sweet moments that these were with bringing something so serious up. But it needed to be addressed, and until it did she felt that there would be something between them, which Char didn't want. This just had to be what he had been so worried about, the reason that he thought she would leave him. The funny thing was, though, that she had finally been able to breathe again after realizing what was going on. It had been settling to determine the cause of his seemingly irrational behavior rather than unnerving to discover. It explained so much, and now that she knew she would help in any way that he'd let her. It only raised her opinion of him, that he had gone through schooling and had joined the Order, not letting this hold him back as it so easily could've. She had about a million and one questions about it all, true, but felt that with time he would open up - and none of the answers she could get to those questions would make her feelings towards him negative.

She was in love in a way she hadn't thought she could be, and wasn't about to let him go.

And this holiday break was a time for the two of them to move forward. There were plans in place not only for her to stay with him these next few days, but for him to meet her family, her to meet his...they needed honesty if this was all going to happen. She hoped that Remus knew that, and would take the step to tell her. Otherwise Char didn't know what may blurt out of her today, because there was no way she could keep quiet for much longer...

But being held by the man that she loved was nearly all she had wanted these last few months, and for the most part been denied by circumstance - so being in the flat they had practically called their own in the summer that felt so far away, wrapped up in him, inhaling the familiar smell of his jumper, was something she absolutely needed before jumping into the conversation they needed to have. The corners of her mouth quirked as she felt his lips against her hair, but her heart was soon beating out of time at his words.

Her mind was pulled in two distinct directions.

One was wondering why people always seemed to think that bad news or big news or simply news in general was better given and received when all parties were seated. Were they frightened that the other's knees would give out and they would be left not only with whatever news they had had, but also a person collapsed at their feet? Making a hard situation worse?

The other that the former was trying to distract from was one single important thought: Is this it?

Her nod was a tad belated as she tried to stay calm, and she soon found herself on the couch, legs tucked underneath her as she kept a hold on his hand. Fingers traced his old scars as she met his eye with a small encouraging smile, and she resolved to give him whatever time he needed, vowing inside to stay quiet until he spoke. If what she thought was about to happen really was about to happen, this was an enormous moment for them. Char didn't want to mess it up - it couldn't be easy, telling people this, figuring who and how and all that. The trust that went into it was immense, and him deciding to let her in like this?

No going back.

[Remus Lupin]

Remus has gotten in some practice with telling people his secret. He had told Lily at the start of his seventh year, and told Marlene only a couple of months ago. So telling Charlotte should be easy. Quick and painless, just like ripping off a band-aid. But that isn't true. Ripping off a band-aid was never painless. Doing it quickly still hurt, it just hurt for a smaller amount of time. And no matter which way he went about this, the end result was going to be painful.

Charlotte was going to leave.

He had convinced himself that these small few moments before he told her were the last ones he would get with her. And so he wanted to treasure them. Sitting down next to her on the couch, he reached over and tucked some lose strands of hair behind her ear, letting his hand remain on her face as he stroked her cheek. His hand moved to lightly touch the scar above her eye, his stomach twisting as his mind relived that night.

After a few seconds, however, he pulled his hand away. And as much as he wanted to distance himself from her, he remained on the couch. The silence is the room was deafening to him, and he shifted uncomfortably as he looked up to meet her gaze.  

"Charlotte, I love you. So much that people probably think I am crazy," Remus started, doing his best to blink back the tears that were threatening to fall. "But I haven't been truthful with you in the past year, and I am sorry. More than you will ever understand. It was for your safety, and for mine." While Remus had never thought that Charlotte would tell his secret, it was always safer for him to limit the number of people who could expose him. Especially while he had still been in school. Now was a different story, as it wasn't long before Dumbledore was sure to need Remus' condition put to use.

"Char, I'm not good for you. And I'm okay if you want to leave me, because you deserve someone who is better, and not..." he trailed off, unsure of how to phrase his next words. He knew the word monster was not the one to use, no matter how true it might have been. "Someone who is human. Because I'm not, Char. I'm a werewolf."

He had finally told her. And the panic set it. Within seconds he was up from the couch, wiping at his eyes as the tears started to fall. He crossed to the kitchen counter, resting his elbows on the counter as he cradled his head in his arms.

"I'm so sorry."

[Charlotte Fudge]

On the couch, quiet and straining to be contented in waiting for him to speak, Char leaned into his gentle touch, holding his gaze as much as he would allow. Her concern was quick to appear, as well as a twisting in her gut as the silence filled the room palpably. The happiness with which he had greeted her at the train was gone, his look bleak, and a slight sheen to his face reminiscent of someone about to be sick developed as Remus traced her scar. That had been one of the biggest hints towards what was going on, once she'd taken the time to think about it this fall. Remus had been distraught when it happened, and while any partner wouldn't want the other hurt, he seemed to take her injury as a personal attack. It had taken ages for her to convince him to not take responsibility for it - could've happened to anyone, she told him countless times, but now...now she knew why he'd been so resistant to accept that. The man who had attacked her had been a werewolf, that much was evident, and if he wanted to cause pain to a werewolf in the Order...he had. Remus had explained knowledgeably that the scar would never go away, and even then she'd thought of the thin scars that covered him...

Remus let go of her with obvious reluctance, and the girl clasped her hands, urging herself to be patient as she usually was. This was just so...important. To him, to her, to them. And she needed to be patient, not retake his hands in hers as she desired. When he began, full of love and teary eyed, Char felt her own eyes begin to water. The last thing she wanted was for him to get upset, and him getting upset had always upset her, but she knew this wasn't going to be easy, and the tears were as inevitable as his admission.

For much as she had tried to prepare for this moment, as many times as she had walked herself through this, nothing could truly have made her ready for his words, the angst and self-loathing in his eyes. He said the words bitterly, resentfully, obviously fully expecting her to run for the hills. But she had had these arguments with herself during countless sleepless nights since figuring it all out. Because once she knew, she had had to make her choice.

She was still here.

She trusted him.

Regardless of the extra trials that his condition would cause them as they moved forward - fewer employment opportunities, monthly reminders and outbursts, and more - Charlotte, in finding this out, was certain beyond what she had ever known that he was it for her. Because she wasn’t scared.

She was sure.

She hadn’t thought of their future much before, but the knowledge had made her do so. And as much as it was unnerving to imagine being married, as she still felt so often like a child, she knew that she would be happiest with Remus. Whatever came their way was worth it, if they could be together.

So here she was, watching the man she loved retreat, bury himself in his hands as a muffled ”I’m sorry” made its way to her. Charlotte brushed away her tears but more came in their place, and she soon gave up. There was no way to not cry when Remus was, so she stood and made her way to him on quiet feet, gently laying a hand on the small of his back when she reached him.

"You can’t apologize for who you are, Remus," she said quietly, voice catching, running her hand in slow circles on his back. "Thank you for telling me. And I want you to know that I’m not...I’m not going anywhere. I’m exactly where I want to be, because I’m here with you." She took a moment to wipe her eyes in frustration, upset with herself that she couldn’t hold them in. "I...Remus, I know. Knew. Well - as much as I could, I thought I knew, library's got a lot of resources you know, and now - " She sighed, leaning back against the counter, trailing her hand down his back, catching the hem of his jumper as she tried to catch his eye. "What I mean is - you can trust that I mean this, because I’ve thought about it. Merlin, but I have thought about it. And I am here." Please believe me.

[Remus Lupin]

Remus had played this conversation out in his mind. He'd talked to his friends - who had assured him that she wasn't going go storming out the door the second she found out - and yet he still wasn't entirely ready for the conversation. He had wanted to go to his mother for more advice, but he'd told her ages ago that Charlotte had known about his secret. And his mother was so excited to meet his girlfriend, it was going to be unpleasant to give Hope Lupin a pathetic excuse as to why she wouldn't be able to.

He should have told her sooner. James and Lily's wedding would have been a good time - he'd finally gotten the courage to tell her that he loved her then. It had only taken the one man on the entire planet that he hated to get him to spill the words he had been wanting to say for months. He should have explained to her why the scar above her eye caused him rage. Fenir had wanted to hurt Remus, that much was obvious. But to go after the one person at the wedding he loved more than life itself? It had been a mistake on Greyback's part. And the older wolf would pay.

But that was the past, and thinking of it now as he cried into his hands wasn't doing him any good. He had been so sure, only a few days after, that everything would work out. But the more he had thought about the incident, the more the desire to keep the secret from her had grown. Even after he'd gone to see his parents, and asked his mother for his grandmother's engagment ring. A ring that now sat concealed in his bedroom, waiting for the day he hadn't yet decided to ask.

He felt a hand on his back, and he wiped at his eyes, removing them from his hands as Charlotte started to speak. He didn't look at her - not yet. He wasn't ready to see the pain on her face. But her words surprised him, and as she pulled on his jumper he looked over at her, his heart crushing as he saw the tears running down her face. Those tears were his fault, and he hated causing her to cry. But the reality of her words sunk it, and he stood up straight, the confusion he was feeling appearing on his face.

She knew.

And she wasn't running. Instead she was showing him love, and staying. She was here in front of him, and it only took a few more seconds before he pulled her into his arms, burying his face in her hair as he let himself cry. She knew, and she was staying, and suddenly everything that had seemed bleak and terrible in his word was bright and perfect again. Because Charlotte Meyers wasn't running away from her big bad wolf of a boyfriend.

Pulling away, he brushed more hair from her face, wiping at the tears that he had caused her to shed, "Thank you. Thank you for understanding and for staying and -" He stopped short, the reality of her words finally fully hitting him. "You knew? As in, before now? How...when...I..." How had she known? If the boys had told her, or Marlene - he felt annoyance rising in the back of his mind and quickly shut it out. None of them would ever betray him, there had to be more too it. After all, Charlotte was brilliant. She had mentioned the library, and she had spent enough time around him in close proximity. He should have known she would catch on. "I love you."

[Charlotte Fudge]

You shouldn't be crying, if anyone should be crying it should be him, right? He's the worried one here, isn't he?

Remus had always had a way of making her feel in a way she hadn't before let herself. It had been better, before, to numb what she could. It helped her not be stressed out about finishing both her own and Cole's work, to stop worries about being found out by professors, to halt whatever anxiety she had about being held back. But once she had begun to open herself up to him, it had been extraordinarily difficult to stop. Emotions were, apparently, healthy, but she was still trying to get a handle on them.

He rose up, a head above her as he brushed at his eyes, perplexed as all hell. Char realized her words - she hadn't meant to let that slip out about her knowing, she should've said that later, not just after he admitted his secret, she had practiced this! - and bit the inside of her cheek in nerves. Was he - he was going to be angry with her for knowing and not telling him, wasn't he? She had had a gentler way about this, and was trying to remember what it had been when -

His arms were around her, body shaking as he let himself cry, and she did her best to pull herself back together as she closed her eyes against him, fingers twining in the back of his jumper.  But silent tears fell from her eyes, dampening his chest until he pulled back. She smiled sheepishly as he tried to dry her cheeks, thanking her, but his confusion was back and she did her best to hold his eye as she answered. But it was difficult - Char had felt guilty keeping this from him, but telling this in a letter? No way. "I love you too, Rem, and it hasn't been long. Only just been confirmed now, but I had...it was the only thing that made any sort of sense, once I'd put everything together. You know how I am with puzzles," she said with a little laugh, breaking their gaze as she twisted back her hair. Some would probably think it boring, but there had been many enjoyable summer nights of puzzling at his flat, and she got unexpectedly and undeniably competitive with them. Remus' mystery had been another puzzle to solve - she by no means felt that she'd solved it, but knowing this rather large piece did help. Immensely. "When I took the time to think back, I could see a pattern develop, the periodicity undeniable...and with a bit of reading, everything just...fit. I was going to bring it up today, beat me to the punch, though." Her eyes flitted back up to his with a slight smile, unsure of how he would take this, and hoping her stumbling wasn't too evident. Had others done this before? Who really knew? She had her theories - Sirius, Peter, and James of course would know - but nothing was confirmed, of course. It was with this uncertainty that she continued, words rushing into each other as she went on.

"Are you - are you all right? Is it okay I figured it out? I know you asked me not to ask, and I swear I didn't, but I couldn't sit by, knowing you were here hurting and that there might be something I could do."

[Remus Lupin]

It didn't matter that she had already known. While he should have told her sooner - that much was obvious - she had figured it out and she hadn't broken up with him over it. More than that, she had let him tell her first. Even if she had been meaning to bring it up today, she'd given him a chance to get it out. He smiled at her as she spoke, feeling terrible that she seemed so uneasy about telling him how she had figured things out. He was proud of her, it had been a puzzle to solve, and he should have guessed from the beginning that she would catch on to the signs. After all, it only took the boys a year to figure it out.

"I should have known you would figure it out. Wasn't exactly good at hiding some of the more...unpleasant symptoms." The anger was one he had been working on for a long, but still something that tended to flair up. It had been easier around the guys, they would simply make fun of him until he calmed down and started acting rational again. But when it was affecting someone else he loved without any explanation, well, it made perfect sense than an explanation needed to be found.

His smile only grew at her next words, and he shook his head, leaning down to place a kiss onto her forehead. "I'm fine. I'm better than I've been in a while, actually. Keeping this from you was eating me alive, and I'm perfectly alright with the fact you figured it out. As for you helping, I'm afraid there isn't too much to help with," he said with a sigh. Intertwining her fingers, he pulled her gently to the couch, pulling her down onto his lap as he sat.

"The boys are there for me each month when they can be - they figured it out in our second year of school. Lily knows, and Marlene found out back in October when she came to visit me. And Doe knows. They've all been fantastic about it, of course." 

[Charlotte Fudge]

"Well, good news is there's no need to hide anymore," the girl said happily, surprised that this was going so smoothly. Char gave him an understanding smile as he admitted to not being able to hide everything, just glad that he wasn't upset. It was just something so big about him, and she didn't want him to think she'd been being invasive. Her hope was that now that this was out, they could simply be. There wasn't anything to hide anymore. This was all...what they had needed. She breathed with relief of all kinds - that he was happy she knew, that he'd wanted to tell her, that she had been right in her deductions - although she was going to argue the point, at some time, of her being unable to help with anything. There had to be something she could do. True, she wasn't much of a potioneer - she'd have to inquire about whether or not he was getting the Wolfsbane Potion - but she could learn more about healing for after the moons, be there for him, do something to make him happy before. He had to dread the lead-up, maybe she could figure out a way to make it not so horrid...

His hands guided her to his lap and she comfortably leaned into his shoulder as he spoke, pulling his arm around her by the hand that she held. Remus was sharing new information with her now, questions she had had starting to be answered as more billowed up within her. James, Sirius and Peter were with him during the full moons. How? They had discovered this in second year, which gave her more of a timeline. She'd been so curious about the timing of all this, and if they had figured out in year two, he likely had been bitten before year one, to give them the time to determine it themselves. There was still the matter of how and why - random or targeted? At home or out?

Lily, Marlene, and Doe knew as well, and although she was glad to hear that all had been accepting and supportive, Char couldn't help but think back to the letters she'd been exchanging with Marly this last term. She had needed someone to write to about what was going on outside of Hogwarts, someone to keep an eye on Remus when she could not, and she'd let out her concerns as well as her hypotheses as the months went on. Marlene had known and hadn't told her - Lily's known too, and all the blokes...

He must have asked them not to say anything, but she felt more than slightly foolish now. Marly had assured her that he would tell her what he was hiding, but she didn't know that the other girl knew!

Stung.

A bit.

Granted, Remus had been close with everyone he named for far longer than they had been together. But being one of the last to know was a curious and off-putting feeling, indeed. The important thing is that he told you before you both went mad, focus on that, would you?

"I'm glad they've been able to be there for you, there really are no better friends you could ask for," she said, looking at their intertwined hands and playing with his fingers out of habit. Char was trying to formulate how to inquire about some of the questions she still had without pressing him too much. "You had to hide this all through Hogwarts? How - " She swallowed, burying her head back into his shoulder as she mumbled on. "I mean, you don't - whatever you're all right sharing..."

[Remus Lupin]

Good news. She was right, it was good news. No more hiding, no more pretending that he and his friends had rough housed too hard, or that he had been clumsy. And it was the first good news he had heard in months. While his life would never be simple - their life together would never be simple - it was a start. No more secrets. At least no more hidden conditions that could make or break things. He still had some secrets to keep, although he wouldn't be surprised if she figured those out pretty quickly. It wasn't like his mother's engagement ring was hidden very well in the apartment. If she decided to go snooping his master plan wouldn't work.

He nuzzled into her neck as she leaned into his shoulder, waves of relief washing over him. They could finally just be, in any meaning of the word. They could be together. Be in love. Be happy. There was silence between them, and it was nice. He let her gather her thoughts, well aware that more questions would be coming after he told her who all knew. He was sure she would want to know when they had found out. It was obvious that his best friends would know - and by extension Lily. She had been his best friend for quite some time.

Those questions didn't come, however. The next question she asked was the other one he had been expecting. How had he hidden it? And the root of the question - how long had he hidden it? It wasn't an easy question for people to ask, and many of them were downright shocked to find out the truth. He shifted so that he could pull her closer, placing a kiss on her forehead as he settled into the couch.

"I couldn't ask for better friends, that is true. But I also couldn't ask for a better girlfriend," he said, resting his forehead against hers for a brief moment. She was just as important - if not more important - than all of his friends. And he hoped that she knew it.

"I never thought I would get to go to school. Dumbledore showed up shortly after I turned eleven, and my parents did everything they could to keep him out. He got in the house anyway, brought my acceptance letter personally. They had already planted the Whomping Willow by that point, and they assured my parents I could lead a somewhat normal life during school," he started, smiling as he recalled the memory of the older man breaking into his house.

"There is a path under the tree that leads to the Shrieking Shack, and that is where I transformed for the entire 7 years I was in school. Although please don't go poking around it, it's a dangerous tree and it's not safe unless you know what you are doing." He gave a sigh, trying to ignore the memory of the time Severus had been told figured out how to stop the tree from moving. He had never thought Sirius would take anything that far, but that had been a long time ago. His friend had changed...mostly.

"I'll answer whatever questions you have, love. You deserve to know everything."

[Charlotte Fudge]

Char's worries about overstepping were soothed as he nuzzled into her, causing her to smile as he tugged her even closer to him, reassuring her worth to him. She knew that he and the blokes, as well as Lily and Marly, were all very tight, and she didn't want to displace any of them - but he was becoming her most important person, and needed to know that he was feeling similarly. As he went into his story, Char listened intently, trying to keep up. This was all so...him telling her this was astounding, and learning more of his story, him being so open to sharing, meant so much. He was letting her in, and she couldn't be more grateful and relieved for it. Admittedly she had been having doubts about them, that if they couldn't talk about this - well - how could they be together? But here they were, and he was giving her pieces to the puzzle she so needed.

He had been bitten before school, and a long time before it, or so it seemed - if it had been soon before he was set to start, how would Dumbledore have made plans specifically for him? Set up the Whomping Willow and Shrieking Shack to accommodate Remus' needs, including that of privacy? The respect for and loyalty to the headmaster was something Char had noticed previously whenever Remus had spoken of the man, but that now made much more sense. Dumbledore had personally gone to the Lupin household to ensure Remus' education, and that was something he would forever be thankful for...

So he had been bitten prior to Hogwarts, the boys had figured it out during their second year - did that mean Cole knew too? She couldn't imagine he did, there was no way he'd not have fought harder to keep them apart if he knew Remus was a werewolf - but that meant that she hadn't been a fool for not knowing. If another bloke living with the four of them didn't know...it was all right it'd taken some time for her to discover it. But at his asking that she not investigate around the Whomping Willow made her grin in her relief about it all; after he'd finished she looked up and, with a little nudge, kissed him. And their kisses had always sent something warm throughout her, but after his opening up, there was more than just simple warmth. A tingling buzzed through her nerves from the moment their lips touched, and she uncharacteristically deepened their kiss, 

"I promise I won't go to the Willow, no need to worry," she said after they parted, unable to stop smiling. "That's...remarkable, about Dumbledore. Not that he should've done anything less, but it's just wonderful that he did all of this for you." It wasn't as if she hadn't had a high opinion of the man before, given his accomplishments, but knowing that he would make such effort for a student he didn't even know was very telling to his character, or so she thought. "Is that part of why you wanted to join the Order?" she asked, shifting about so she could find his eyes. They had spoken about the position after Remus had been offered it, but this was helping to clarify that decision as well. Dumbledore had ensured Remus' education and safety, so it made sense that Remus would want to do anything he could to help the other man later on. Not that Remus wouldn't have been offered this on his own merit - he was doing grand as a Sapper, and although the idea of him in the field was an unnerving one, she knew he would do so well - but it...was another piece, she was sure. She had many more questions, that was for sure, but not wanting him to feel like he was being put on trial...held back, hoping to get through each point as it came instead of overwhelming both him and her.

[Remus Lupin]

Telling her his story, the story that he had only told a few times before. It was different. Of course all of his friends had been there for him, understood and accepted. But this was Charlotte. This was his girlfriend, the love of his life. All the secrets and facts about who he was had been tucked away for so long, and he was finally letting them out. Exposing himself in a way that he had never truly done before. There was telling a secret, and then sharing your soul. And in this situation, it was the second. Everything he had experienced in his life, he could share it with her. Tell her all of his darkest secrets and she would accept him.

It was more than he could have ever asked for. And quite more than he deserved.

She sat there, snuggled into him, and listened to him explain things. And when he finished, he expected questions. Questions that for once, he wanted to answer. But instead of questions, she pulled him closer and kissed him in a way she hadn't before. There was more energy, a tingling that he felt throughout his body, and he wanted nothing more than to sit there and kiss her forever because it was perfect.

But he let her pull away, still holding her as close to him as he could. He felt relieved, and a tad silly for being so worried about it the whole time. Suddenly everything just seemed perfect and natural, like she was always supposed to know. Supposed to be there for him. He met her eyes as she searched for his, ready to answer whatever question she had next. But she had a way of surprising him, and this question wasn't one that he was entirely sure he knew the answer to himself.

"Dumbledore is a remarkable man. I imagine he knew as soon as I was bit, probably planted the tree that year. And yes, that is part of why I wanted to join. I owe him more than he will ever know. He gave me a chance at a real life," Remus paused, smiling at Charlotte. "He gave me a chance to meet you. And I don't know if I can ever repay him for that. But if I can do just one thing to help him, I'm going to." Even if that one thing may be the last thing on earth he wanted to do. Remus was talented, he was smart. He knew he would make a good agent, there was no question about it. But he was a werewolf, and he couldn't help but wonder if that was why Dumbledore had asked him in the first place.

Shifting so that he could look at her more directly, he lifted a hand to brush her cheek. He would share those worries with her at some point, there was a chance that he was simply overthinking things. And while they still had so much to discuss, especially since she was meeting his parents soon, he didn't know where to go from this moment. So he did what he wanted to do, and that was to pull her too him and resume the kiss she had pulled away from, moving his hand from her cheek to the back of her neck, letting himself do what felt natural for once instead of questioning his every move. He always held himself back, afraid of pushing any boundaries or coming on too strong. It was a kiss of passion, one unlike others he had let himself experience. 

Remus Lupin was in love, and he was happy. 

[Charlotte Fudge]

Char watched him after their kiss, indescribably relieved at how this was going. He was so utterly uninhibited about this, and it was making her want to be so too, to put aside any of her qualms - because if he could share with her and honestly mean it when he said she could ask him anything? There was no doubt in her mind that she had made the right choice, choosing him, choosing to stay. Because she was in love with him, and lucky to be loved by him - but if they hadn't been able to talk about this? No matter her feelings, she...would protect herself. Loving someone who couldn't let you in would only lead to, down the line, worse and worse things - couldn't it?

So - thankfully - her world was righting itself as Remus contentedly met her look, ready for whatever line of questioning she was feeling. She nodded, listening intently, but broke into a wide smile at his mentioning that Dumbledore allowing him to school had allowed him to meet her. She wanted to hide in his sweater at that - it was too much - but resisted, wanting to hear the rest. His joining up was beginning to make more sense - not that it hadn't when he'd proposed this plan to her before he graduated, but filling in this piece was making it clearer...

Her mind was turning this over when he moved a bit, his hand finding her cheek, a new sort of look in his eye as he brought her to him. The girl's heart leapt in her chest at the intensity of his - ah - approach, as she did her best to keep up.

She had, for months, felt loved by this man. Even before they had exchanged the words after their friends' wedding, she'd known how he felt about her. As it was something she'd never felt before, never seen in someone's eyes or their smile - that's what it had to be, or so Char had figured. It was in the way he never missed an opportunity to hold her hand and walk with her, no matter how short the distance - being escorted from the common room entrance to her dormitory stairs really wasn't necessary, but it was lovely; how they'd never part company without a kiss - not making a point to do it, but not feeling right leaving things any other way; how he'd always be touching her in some way when they were together - their feet somehow wound up overlapping under their study tables, which she'd notice belatedly. It was just in the way he was with her, that she'd never had to doubt his love.

But this was the first time that she'd felt wanted.

It was different - but a good different - and she was finding herself wanting to reciprocate but nearly altogether at a loss of knowing how. And while there hadn't been a bloke she'd wanted to kiss before this one had come into her life, Char was belatedly realizing one of the true detriments to her sheltered teenage years. Because - although she felt she may be in the middle of one now - she'd not experienced a "snog" before, at least in the way that Daisy had always described when talking about Peter when they were younger. Char had not listened as well as she could have during her more experienced friend's delighted talks about this subject, seeing it as having little relevance to her own life and making her feel a bit awkward, to be honest.

In hindsight, it'd been bad form to not take notes on this unacademic but admittedly important subject.

Because what was she supposed to do with all of her that was not her mouth? It was just a tiny part of her, really, but the only part that had been active in their moments leading up to this over the past year. Merlin - she had lived in this very flat for the majority of the summer, or so it felt, and they hadn't taken things this far! Had this discussion been holding them back from this as well? It made sense - the girl realized as she finally matched him, hand slipping behind his neck to pull herself closer to him - because if they weren't being absolutely honest about themselves and had worries about being accepted, how could they not have worries about being accepted physically too? So she - she tried, Charlotte was trying, she was, to make him feel the way he was making her feel. Words and other pleasurable affections had told him her feelings so far, but hopefully this would translate well.

Charlotte Meyers was in love, and she was happy. 

[Remus Lupin]

How many years had Remus heard about snogging from his friends? How many conversations had they had in the dorm room about who kissed who, and how many times, and what broom closets were the best? Not to mention all the people he'd found snogging after he had been appointed as a prefect. He should know how to do this. But Remus had never taken notes, sure at the time that it would never be important in his life. After all, what girl was going to want to date a werewolf, let alone snog one?

But he needed to stay in the moment, which wasn't hard considering that Charlotte was recprocating his actions, her hand slipping behind his neck as she pulled him closer. The only problem was the rest of his body, which he had no idea what to do with. And trying to think back on catching his friend's snogging was certainly going to do nothing but ruin the moment between them. He did not need the mental image of finding Sirius in bed with a women in his thoughts at this current moment in time.

But they were in a weird position, with her half in his lap and his neck was all crooked to the side and this was going to get uncomfortable quickly. So, as gently as he could, he slid her more directly onto his lap, adjusting so they they were more equally matched in height and sitting position as his hands trailed down her back, still unsure of what he should be doing. This evening was going to warrant a conversation with his friends, and they were going to make fun of the fact that he was so ignorant in this situation.

[Charlotte Fudge]

After a short while, he moved her to a position that was hopefully better for him, and now eye-to-eye with Remus, Char could see - as he likely could on her - the drying tears from his admission, which she tenderly thumbed away. The gray streaks in his hair were more visible as she curiously ran a hand through it, and were now explained - premature aging was something she'd read about when researching lycanthropes, and this was a sure sign of it in her boyfriend. The scrapes on him neck - claw inflicted? - were clearer now as they were usually hard for her to see, he was so much taller than her. She hoped she hadn't just been hurting him, touching him as she'd been while he was still healing...will fix him up later. It was like discovering him all over again, having this new information, and it was wonderful - he was still her Remus, still the man that she loved.

That thought in mind, the girl smiled and nuzzled against him, forehead to his, as she got did her best to get comfortable with this new way of being with him. Straddling him was - ah - different - and making her feel especially warm against the winter chill, among other yet unnamable feelings. "You are going to have a real life, Remus Lupin," she said quietly, surely, in the space between them, echoing his earlier mention of having a "chance" at that. He had more than a chance, and had to know it. Placing her uncertain hands on his uncertain ones, Char moved them under the back of her sweater as what she hoped was encouragement that this was all okay, before again catching his lips with hers.

[Remus Lupin]

Sitting in this position, it was far more comfortable than he had expected. And he smiled as Charlotte gently wiped the drying tears from his face, before running her hands through his hair. He sat in the silence, letting her touch the scrapes on his neck gently. He knew she was going to worry, and after this conversation he was going to have to let her help fix him up. And if it would make her happy, he would oblige.

Charlotte nuzzled against them, and he couldn't keep the smile from his face. He was happy she was adjusting to this new position of sitting, even if was a bit strange for him. There were new feelings and he didn't exactly know how to handle them. He hadn't ever mentally prepared himself for this sort of situation, the assumptions that he would be alone forever having been his plan for life.

Her words hung in the air between them, and Remus was so incredibly happy. But his mind didn't have much time to process them as she was guiding his hands under the back of her sweater. His mind wanted to understand what was going on, but she was kissing him again and it was all so very distracting. What was he supposed to be doing? He needed her to use her words to explain the situation, none of this was simply normal for him. He returned her kisses, slowly moving his hands up until they hit the strap of her bra.

Now what?

He paused, his mind fumbling for an answer to this riddle he had been presented. What was he doing? Snogging his girlfriend, yes, but what all did snogging really involve? This was new and confusing and he was trying to not seem like he was panicking because he did not want to ruin this situation. Sirius' advice over the years would have been so useful, if only he had paid attention.