An Unexpected Event - 20 October 1981 - Peter

[Daisy Hookum]

20 October 1981

Her appointment at Mungo's today had confirmed her fears.

Curled up on the couch, Daisy stared blankly across the living room. Peter was busy with work for the Order, and she had no idea what time he would be home. Things were simply getting worse with the war, and there was no end in sight. Things had been different not so long ago. Their friends got married, her and Peter got married. Babies were born, life was continuing on. But now life was threatening to be ended.

James and Lily, those she considered to be her family, were targets. The Order kept her husband away for longer hours, and well as the husbands of her closet friends. It was as if everything was slowly falling apart. And with the news she had received today, it was almost as if the universe hated her. All she wanted was to be with her husband - but even he had started to grow distant. It was as if something wasn't right, like there was some secret between them she didn't understand.

She heard the lock click on the door, and she wiped at her face quickly. She didn't want Peter to know she had been crying, it would make him worried. Pulling herself together, she waited until she heard the door close and his footsteps headed in her direction. "Peter, can we talk?"

[Peter Pettigrew]

This could not be his life
.
It wasn’t real. It couldn’t be real!

He must have slipped into an awful version of what his life was supposed to turn out like. That’s right, he had tripped up somewhere and ended up in an alternate universe. One where all the people and places were the same, except the world was terrible, a nightmare turned reality. And he was contributing to the hellish state of affairs in the wizarding world. Him, Peter Pettigrew. He sighed, picking up his pace as he walked the few blocks to his and Daisy’s home.

Daisy.

This was all supposed to be for her, his wife, his world. He had only meant to ensure her safety –and his own of course - and when the opportunity presented itself he thought himself supremely lucky to have gained the Dark Lords favor. He and Daisy were golden no matter who won the war. But things had gotten out of hand so quickly; all his sound reasoning now sounded foolish in his mind, he had been so stupid thinking he could play both sides without bringing harm to any of his friends.

James.

That hadn’t been his doing. Not directly. But now…now…things were so messed up, and he was the responsible one for all of what was to come. All the blood was on his hands now. Peter wanted to cry, he wanted to scream, he wanted to take Daisy and run. He could hide the two of them away until this whole war blew over. It’s what he should have done right off, but logically he knew he was in too deep now, he had put all the people he loved in even greater danger and they didn’t even know it.

Remus.

He took a moment to collect his thoughts, pushing thoughts of his friends from his mind before unlocking the door and entering his and Daisy’s little sanctuary. Though lately for him it hadn’t felt that way. He had been avoiding her and He hated lying to Daisy but he couldn’t stomach to tell her all he had done to ensure their safety. He couldn’t let her see him after a meeting with the Dark Lord because Peter knew it always left its mark on him. Dark magic always left its mark and he was riddled with it, he wasn’t strong enough to fight it like some people he knew.

Sirius.

His wife’s voice fluttered to him from the living room and he paused in the hall. That was never a question a man wanted to hear whether the world was at world or not. Peter steeled himself, his muscles going tense and his mind blank. He could handle whatever she had for him, he had lied to Albus Dumbledore straight to his face more than once, he could handle his wife’s woes. He entered the room and was struck by the expression on her face, her lovely face. His mind immediately jumped to the worst, all thoughts of a normal marital problem going out the window to be replaced by grisly images of all the people he loved dead. “What’s wrong? Are you okay?”

Daisy.

[Daisy Hookum]

It was clear that her attempts to hide the fact she had been upset were in vain, especially as Peter asked her what was wrong. There was worry on his face and in his voice, and it was her fault it was there. This wasn't the end of the world, not really. They could get through it, she just didn't know how right now. With the world at such a bitter point in the war, with the amount of lives that had already been lost fighting such a pointless battle - bringing a new life into the world was the last thing that she wanted to being doing right now.

But she was going to, that much she was certain of. And she could only hope that Peter felt the same. They had wanted children - at least she had - and now they were being given the an option. James and Lily had kept Harry, and while the world was spiraling out of control they loved that little boy more than anything. Her and Peter could do this, if they were on the same page. But it meant addressing the elephant in the room that she wasn't sure she was ready to face.

Because something had changed within Peter, she could see it when he got home. He avoided her, but there was something happening with him that she could just feel wasn't right. And it was something they would need to talk about if they were going to raise a child together. "It's...I'm fine. I just want to tell you something and it's probably best you sit for it."

She waited until he made himself comfortable, before looking down at the frayed blanket in her lap that she had been fiddling with since returning from the Lupin's cottage. "You know I haven't been feeling well, so I made an appointment at Mungos...and well, things are going to be changing for us Peter. So I think we need to talk because I know something has been bothering you and if we are going to do this, we need to be on the same page." 

Taking a deep breath, she looked up to meet his eyes. "I'm pregnant."

[Peter Pettigrew]

Peter would never understand why women insisted in making you even more nervous instead of just coming out with what the awful news was right off. But he did as his wife bid and sat next to her out their couch, watching as she fiddled with a blanket. He wanted to reach out and still her fingers but his hands were trembling in his lap. It was agonizing but he managed to remind quiet while Daisy got up the courage to tell him whatever it was that was causing her so much distress, which could be nothing good for him.

He prepared himself for the worst and his suspicions of the worst grew with every word she uttered. No. She could not know what was going on with him; it wasn’t safe, she was better off not knowing. Then if it ever came to light what he was doing behind the Orders back –or rather right under their noses- she could claim innocence and ignorance. She would still be safe. That wasn’t the part that really got him nervous though, it was the reason why they needed to talk about what had been "bothering" him lately. And what did she mean the same page? He opened his mouth to ask her to just get down to it when she spoke again…

His whole world, his whole awful world turned in on itself, collapsed, and reformed into a world more terrible than the last. It had to be a mistake, this wasn’t happening, not now. “No.” he said to himself, unable to believe it, yet being terrified by the truth of it. His mind was torn. They were having a baby and all he could think was that it was just another innocent child in the path of destruction; another helpless being that would be in danger because of him.

“No.” he repeated, louder this time, and he realized he was standing again. He looked down at Daisy and he knew he looked desperate. “It’s not safe.” He said to her, knowing he sounded ridiculous. Peter ran a hand through his hair in frustration and began to pace. “Oh he is going to like this way too much. He can’t know. I can’t let him find out. We have to hide it.” He was rambling to himself, thinking of the Dark Lord and the sick pleasure he would get at having yet another thing Peter loved more than himself to use against him.

[Daisy Hookum]

She honestly hadn't prepared herself for how Peter was going to react. Honestly, how could she? She hadn't the slightest idea what his feelings were going to be on the matter. It had been a topic of conversation in the past, but neither of them had planned for it to happen so soon. To happen in the midst of a war that didn't look like it was getting better any day. So when the first word out of his mouth was no? She felt the tears she had been trying to fight all day burn at the corners of her eyes.

She watched as he stood, repeating the same word to her. The look on his face - it was fear. Fear of being a father? He was telling her things she already knew, it wasn't safe right now for anyone to have a child. But as he started to pace he was sputtering more nonsense that she didn't entirely understand. Who was this "he" and why were they hiding her pregnancy from him? It wasn't like she was about to tell the entire world the news.

"Peter, I know. I know it's not safe. But who are you talking about?" She asked cautiously. The only person on her mind was Sirius, even though they had been very careful in not picking side in the dispute between him and Remus. "Are you talking about Sirius or Remus? Because I don't believe either one of them is spilling secrets to the Dark Lord, we've talked about this."

[Peter Pettigrew]

Peter stopped, his body felt like it was still moving and his mind was racing, but he stopped. Almost beside his own free will, he froze. Daisy was crying. It was such an ingrained reaction in him to care that there was no way he couldn't notice, no matter how much he was terrified himself. Her pain would always weigh more than his. "Dais." he said, and even in his frantic state his voice sounded strained.

He wanted to sit next to her but it seemed that once frozen his body was incapable of movement again. So he was forced to stand before his wife, the love of his life, and listen to her pleas for an answer, unable to utter a single word about who this He was. Every word she had said struck him like a knife, especially the ones about Sirius and Remus. Pain was welling up in his chest and finally, at last, he was able to turn away; to walk to the window and press his head against the chilly pane and sigh. "Of course it isn't Sirius or Remus, we talked about this, neither one of them are that weak." 

Only he, Peter Cane Pettigrew, was that big of a coward. Only he would ever betray the Marauders, his very best friends. He needed to be careful thought, he had almost slipped up about his true master. In reality he wan't to scream his deceit from the rooftops, he also wanted to throw himself from the rooftops. He turned back to Daisy, her red hair no longer the only rosy thing about her, and said with as much finality as he could muster -though it broke his heart a little more with every word. "We can't keep it Dais, it's way too dangerous right now."

[Daisy Hookum]

The way he said her name wasn't reassuring. She knew things were rough for him, for all of them. But she hadn't thought it was this bad, that Peter would be this scared. It was terrible timing but surely things would get sorted out soon. This war had been going on for so long, things had to come to a conclusion eventually. And if she needed to go into hiding, she would. It wasn't like they were huge targets - sure Peter was in the Order and fighting against the Death Eaters. But James, Lily, and little Harry. That's where everyone's concerns were right now, with the Dark Lord himself hunting them down.

And then with brother's being torn apart at the idea of a spy among them, it was all too much. Daisy refused to pick a side in their battle, knowing in her heart that both of them were innocent. Neither one of them would give up secrets, and they were both bonkers to be fighting about this right now. She watched him walk to the window, just waiting for him to say something. And his words struck her, leaving her speechless. Because yes they talked about it - but she'd never called either of them weak. 

She sat in silence, biting her lip as she waited for Peter to say anything else. To give her something to work with in this conversation. He turned back to her, and she wiped at her face as she looked at him. But his words - words she never wanted to hear - hit her heard and only made the tears flow even more. Get rid of it? She couldn't do that, not know that she knew. Yes it was a bad time but..."I can't do that Peter. This isn't a stray animal, this is our child. I know it's dangerous, I get that. I think about James and Lily every day and what they are going through. But there has to another option."

She got up, slowly walking towards him. "Please, we can get through this. Just talk to me, what's got you so worried? Let me help. You guys will find the person leaking secrets to you-know-who, I know it."

[Peter Pettigrew]

A part of him couldn't believe that she didn't understand, it was too dangerous for able bodied adults, much less a defenseless infant The more rational part of his mind reminded him that Daisy had no idea what he had gotten himself into. What he had gotten them all into. He was so close to losing everything. Including Daisy, if he wasn't careful. Now their was a baby involved. That made the stakes even higher. He wanted to be happy; he and Daisy had made a baby. Peter knew that this child would be the most amazing being in the world next to Dais herself; because of that it was all the more unsafe.

Anything he cared for was in harms way now. The Dark Lord would use it's life to make Peter do whatever he bid, Wormtail was absolutely positive of it. But Daisy couldn't see that, she didn't know. Her words pained him in equal measure: “not a stray animal”, “our child”. What was he to say to that? If he wasn't so terrified, if he was in his right mind, he would know that Daisy would never stand to just “get rid of it”. But he wasn't in his right mind, and he needed her to understand. Although, maybe there was more than one option. He reached for her, about to suggest maybe she go into hiding for a short while until it was born and then they could hide it, give it away. 

Her next words, however, stuck his hastily thought up plan in this throat; his arms dropped limply to his sides and his stared at his wife as if she were the only thing holding him to this world. Yes, eventually they would all find out who was leaking secrets to the dark side, by then it would be too late. “It's me.” What was that? Was he speaking those words? “It's been me.” Peter choked on a sob and ran a hand over his face. “It's been me all alone Dais, that's why we can't keep it, it too dangerous.” He knew he sounded like a broken record but he didn't know how else to make her see. She had to understand.

[Daisy Hookum]

Nothing in the entire world could have prepared her for this day of her life.

She'd always looked forward to this day, a day of joy. And in her mind, it had always been Peter. Telling Peter they were having a baby, going through the ups and downs of pregnancy together. Watching Peter be a father, she'd longed for that day since before they'd even been married. Because no matter what he said, or anyone else said, he was a good man. He cared deeply for her, he did what he had to keep her safe. Even if that meant fighting in a war.

By many accounts they shouldn't be together. Merlin knew his parents hated her, particularly his mother. They were dreadful, something she had suspected caused Sirius and Peter to form an unspoken bond. Different situations, but the anger towards family was still there. And her mother...she'd always loved Peter. Her mother had started planning her wedding, even during the time Daisy and Peter had been apart. She would have loved to be here for this day, to find out she was having a grandchild.

Because her mother had seen it to. Peter was good. He was scared, they all were. This war didn't seem to have an end in site, and with the Dark Lord chasing after the family they had all created for themselves it was no wonder Peter had reacted the way he did.

But he's a good man.

The scene replayed in her head, him reaching out towards her before letting his hand fall. His response to her statement, something that stopped her in tracks. How long had she been staring at him now? The man she loved was in tears, but she couldn't move. Her feet were glued to the floor and her earlier conversation with Charlotte came rushing back. How long were you going to deny the truth, Dais... She'd told Charlotte her suspicions, brushing them off as pregnancy anxiety and jumping to conclusions. Because not Peter, he was good. He was fighting alongside his brothers and....

She felt the sob she had been holding in come out, hardly a whisper in the quiet room. How long had it been? One minute or five? Just standing in front of him shaking. Because he was a traitor. An admission of guilt followed by an immediate return to their child. How could he just spit it out like that and not realize the weight his words carried.

Your wand.
            He's a good man, he wouldn't hurt me.
That's what you want to think. 

She took a step back, reaching behind her towards the table where she had left her wand. A wand that wasn't there, and the panic inside her grew. She hadn't taken it out of her bag when she'd gotten home, her mind had been elsewhere. "What have you done Peter?" Her voice was shaky, and she continued step away from him. "How far has it gone?"

[Peter Pettigrew]

It was liking watching what his muggle literate friends would have called an automobile wreck. Watching Daisy's face, the look in her eye, as realization dawned on her. It was horrific but he could not look away. It was agonizing and it was glorious. She knew now, she knew. Someone knew. It was like the most enormous weight was gone. The lie was over. And Daisy... He could feel his heart breaking like a physical pain, and he deserved nothing less.


She would tell them and they would kill him. His friends, the people he loved most, the people he had hurt most, they would kill him. Hopefully. He would be out of his misery that way, and a danger to no-one any longer. It was so painful to think about, leaving is wife behind but Daisy would be safe, they would take care of her and the baby, he was sure. And even if they didn't end his miserable existence, He would, the cowardly man was also sure of that. It was done now, though, it was done.


Peter reached for his fiery headed wife, wanting to hold her one last time, but she was backing away from him. It hurt more than he thought it would. Daisy had always been his bedrock, she had always had the steadfast conviction that he was essentially good. Even when he didn't believe , she did, she made him see himself through her eyes: to her he was light. Now, through her eyes, he saw: he was a traitor.


“Daisy...” he whispered, not knowing what to say. He felt empty inside. What more was there to say? “Daisy please.” He didn't even know what he was asking for. She butted up against the table, fumbling around the surface with a shaking hand. Peter's eyebrows drew together for only a moment before he realized she was probably looking for her wand. She was afraid of him. He thought it was impossible, but his heart shook and cracked and shattered, again.


Angrily, he snatched his own wand from his back pocket and tossed it onto the couch. Then he backed away, slowly, hands in the air. He had done this. He had made her fearful and hateful of him. He would not get another touch before his dying day. He deserved it. He deserved much worse. So much worse. Maybe they wouldn't kill him after all...

Daisy's trembling voice brought him back to their living room with a snap. Peter looked to her and he knew his face was ripped open and spilling emotions but he had absolutely no idea or want to stop it. He had held so much in, for so long. “Enough.” he said to her questions, his voice rough. “I've done enough. I've gone far enough.” he voice cracked and he choked on the words, sliding to his knees, his eyes staring blurrily into the floor. “I'll wait here, I'm not going anywhere.”

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

This song really has nothing to do with it, not really, but it's what brought me the inspiration for this post.
Enjoy!

[Daisy Hookum]

He reached out towards her as she backed away, and the hurt in his face made her heart ache more than she thought it could. He had betrayed everyone, including her. She had trusted him to do what was good, to stay on the right side. He’s supposed to protect you. How could he protect her when he was destroying the side that was defending them? The Peter she knew could never have willingly worked for the Dark Lord. He joined his brothers without a second thought when he was asked to fight in this war. It had torn them apart, and then brought them back together. That one decision had changed their relationship entirely – as this one could – but had it really been all lies?

He was begging her to stop, to stand still and let him touch her. She didn’t know if she kept backing away out of anger or fear, an question that she supposed she answered as she looked for her wand frantically. A gesture that wasn’t missed by Peter, and the pain on his face gnawing at her insides. A sob escaped her lips, one she didn’t even know she was holding back.

He took his wand from his pocket, her heart stopping for the split second it took him to throw it on the couch. He wouldn’t hurt her, at least not with magic. But perhaps death would be better than this hole in her chest where her heart lived. It felt like every emotion she had ever felt had disappeared and the only thing she could feel was pain and sadness. Her Peter was a good man, she had never doubted that before now.

His had moved away, the sight of his hands in the air causing another blow to every part of her mind. When she found her voice, she had to hold in another sob at the look Peter gave her. She needed to solve this, fix what had happened. Surely the Dark Lord didn’t know everything. Dumbledore wasn’t the kindest man in the world, but he would have to see reason. Especially if Peter could give them information on the other side. And the boys – she couldn’t really repair that. But James was the level headed one, he would understand when he found out about the baby. Why they had to not hate Peter for the rest of his life. Why they had to spare his life.

His words were full of pain, and she closed her eyes as he slid to the floor. She didn’t want to believe his next words, because what did he expect her to do? She wasn’t going to leave him in this state, there had to be some way they could turn everything around. She had taken vows and she wasn’t going to leave his side. She opened her eyes slowly, letting her gaze fall to him as she took a few steps forward. 

”Peter…I…” It wasn’t easy to find words. She wanted to know everything, and at the same time she wanted to forget this was even a real situation. Where did she even start with questions. So when did you and the Dark Lord get chummy. It wasn’t exactly a way to phrase a question. ”I’m not leaving, not until we talk – until we fix this.”

She stopped in front of him, getting down on her own knees. They were a team, which meant they were on the same level. They had worked through everything else that had happened in their time together. She couldn’t give up on him, not if he could be saved. ”When did you mean him, the Dark-“ she paused, swallowing her fear. She needed to be the strong one right now, it was her turn to be the protector. ”Voldemort.”

[Peter Pettigrew]

“Don’t. Say. His. Name.” Peter ground out through clenched teeth, object horror and crippling fear now mixing in with his out of control emotions. Fear, loathing, regret, guilt, he was drowning in it all but he would not just die already. “You can’t say it, it’s cursed.” And they were already cursed enough. He had condemned them whilst trying to save them. The road to hell is paved with good intentions. A truer phrase had never been spoken in his opinion. He had only set out to secure his future, and that of the woman he had loved for so long, and in doing so had signed their death warrants. If he had remained true to his friends the Dark Lord would have come for them, so he had joined up and worked hard and prayed every day that it would be enough to get them out alive. But every day a piece of who he was fell away, he felt as if he was nothing, a hallow estimation of the bright eyed boy he had once been, and so he had confessed and now, here they were, trapped in misery together. And Daisy was pregnant.

She asked you a question.

        I heard her very clearly.

Peter swiped away the tears pooling under his eyes and met those of Daisy, he reason for being, the woman currently carrying his child and nodded solemnly. “Yes. I mean the Dark Lord.” It was surprisingly easy to say now that he had resigned himself to his fate. “It’s been me all along.” he repeated, rocking back on his heels and twisting his fingers together. “I’ve been the one feeding him information. Working for him. People have died because of me. More people still might. I don’t know really, I’ve tried not to think about that part.” He couldn’t think about it, if he did he would have broken already, and they would all be dead. All his friends, his family -who may never know what he did to protect them regardless, and his love -who finally knew his awful part in it all and would likely hate him now. Better she hate him forever and still draw breath than love him as a lie.

“I’m sorry Dais, I’m so sorry I put the two of you in this situation.” The tears came again but he was fresh out of sob's, and so he let them fall in silent succession of each other, his eyes staring blankly at a bare patch of floor. He felt wretched, and better all at the same time. There was no more secret life, no more spying, no more manipulation, only truth and acceptance and for him, maybe death. That would be a merciful end to his tale, and part of him wished for it. Better it be at the hands of his friends, his brothers, than the Dark Lord anyway. At least they had loved him.