June 10 '74: I'm Gonna Give All My Secrets Away: Phoebe

[Phoebe Bones]

She wanted to think about this rational, she really and truly did. But there was just so much that had been said, she couldn't use logic in this situation. Especially when logic was the exact opposite of what was happening in their house. Magic - witches and wizards - wasn't logical. There was this secret war, a war her husband was apparently hoping to be a part of. And not just him, but his friends that she had grown so close to. Perhaps even some of his family members. Hell, what was it that Roderick had told her he was going to do after he graduated? Something about being a doctor, but she doubted that was really the truth.

So all logic was gone. Because logic would dictate that this situation was just as hard for him as it was her. That he had been keeping this secret, yes, but he had done it for her safety. Because he loved her and wanted her to have a life without harm and worry. That this world he was from, it could be dangerous for her. She wanted to think those thoughts, so badly.

But she simply couldn't.

He was trying so hard, and she could tell. She could feel that he loved her and that he didn't want things to be the way they were. But she couldn't handle this, not tonight. Not when there were so many unanswered questions running through her head, not when the betrayal she felt was still fresh. "I need you to get rid of these vines crawling all over my kitchen so I can check on Sadie."

She waited with as much patience as possible as they disappeared, and walked into their living room to pick up Sadie. She gave the dog a hug, doing her best to calm the shaking pup down. She looked to Edgar, anger still in her eyes as she stood there. "If it wasn't for this war, when would you have told me? Once I agreed to married you? Once we had kids?"

[Edgar Bones]

A silence between the couple had never been so tangible. But the air was reverberating around her, hitting him in rippling waves, Ed would later swear, as Phoebe thought. He’d watched her mind work so many times, for years, and knew the tells she had when she was working out a twisty-turny puzzle. She had that face on, that face of trying-for-detachment, trying-for-logic…but could she get to that place with this current dilemma? (For as much as he’d tried to convince himself it was an all-good thing…in his heart of hearts he knew it was, in truth, a dilemma.) Her sharp tone said more than her words, sending a stabbing ache through his chest at this being her kitchen. May as well’ve said you’re checking on your dog. But he bit back his retort - surprising to any who knew him, it was a struggle in and of itself - and vanished the vines with a quick wave of his wand.

At least she’s not really leaving, Ed thought as he let her go through the doorway a few steps ahead of him. He waited awkwardly, hands drumming in his pockets, as Pheebs picked up Sadie, who wasn’t taking being exposed to magic much better than the woman. Just…stay quiet. Until she speaks.

"No, no," Ed said once that time had come, stumbling with long-legs around the couch in his eagerness to assure her. "Probably would’ve let it slip when we were kids, if our worlds had been different," he said with the hint of a smile. "Wanted to, way back then. Figured you’d totally dig me - what other boyfriend could do what I could?…But we’ve had to be so guarded with this - my telling you about this world endangers both of us, like I said…I know I put it off too long, babe - but not too long…right?" You still love me, don’t you? You can forgive me of this? His smile had disappeared as he went on, but Edgar met her angry eyes steadily, reaching out to pet the dog in her arms. This is why I haven’t proposed yet, love…

[Phoebe Bones]

So much of her life revolved around Edgar. She had spent her teenager years in a whirl wind romance, talking about the boyfriend who went to fancy boarding school. And showing him off to her muggle friends, hearing all about their jealously because he was such a catch. She never knew if it was going to end. A long distance relationship through letters had never been easy, and she had been sure for the first while that he'd find someone at his school he liked better.

But he always came back to her.

And so their life together had grown. From a simple teenage romance to falling head over heels for each other, secret plans made under the stars to spend the rest of their lives together. And after they had both finished school, she didn't have to think twice about accepting his offer to move in together. Regardless of how it had upset their parents, this was where she was supposed to be. He needed her, and she needed him.

But all of that was simply falling apart and she didn't know how to make it stop. She could hold her own in her world, snap at a lawyer to get it together without any hesitation. She knew her work inside and out, and she was fierce. But in this situation she felt completely helpless. Because this wasn't anything simple he had been hiding from her. It was an entire life.

"I don't know what I would have even thought when we were kids..." She trailed off, shaking her head. It would have freaked her out back then, but it would have been easier to accept. Back before her mind had been narrowed by logic and reason due to her job. "I don't know Edgar." She sighed as she held Sadie, looking down at the dog that was practice for when they eventually had children.

Turning, she wiped at her eyes before heading towards the bedroom, slamming the door behind her. She needed to think, and that meant she needed to get out of this house. Setting Sadie on the floor, she went to start pulling clothing out of the drawers.

[Edgar Bones]

Uncertainty is better than the finality of a 'no,' isn't it?

It was an awful stab at reassurance, but it was the best he could do. At least Phoebe was letting him close enough to help comfort Sadie, that was something. This was too much to throw at her all at once, but how could he've held anything back? "Oh, by the by, remember when I told you about how magic was real? There's also this evil wizard who wants to wipe out all of muggle-kind, and I've been training to join the forces fighting against him. FYI." That would've gone well.

May've gone better than this.

    Unhelpful, prick.

The tears had welled up again, clouding her beautiful hazel eyes, and her hair whipped around as she made for their bedroom with their dog. The door crashed shut behind her, and Ed was left in the living room, and the panic he'd convinced to stay back earlier was coming for him again, and in full force. Just give her a few minutes to cool off. While he'd run a few kilometers during training today, the minutes he spent pacing around the rest of their flat felt immensely more straining. But then as he came by their bedroom again, he heard movement - drawers opening and slamming -

"Pheebs - " He opened the door unceremoniously, his panic unhidden as he took in the scene of his girlfriend - love of his life, the most certain part of his future - packing. "Phoebe, wait, what're you -  I didn't mean to hurt you, let's talk, please - " Ed cleared his throat, his desperation soaking into every note as he neared her, as he plead. "You can't go - please, don't go. I love you, Phoebe - we can work this out, we can."

[Phoebe Bones]

Phoebe could hardly focus on packing, could hardly see what she was doing with the amount of tears that were streaming down her face. They had fought before, but she had never felt that she needed space like this. That leaving the apartment tonight was her only option of clearing her head. But they had never been in a situation like this before. She wanted to believe they could work this out - they had to. He was her future, and he always had been. Even when they were 15 years old she had seen that. She had never doubted for a day that they would know each other for the rest of their lives. But with everything she had learned tonight, maybe their lives were meant to intertwine but not stay together.

Ed opened the door, which caused her to jump as she had been lost in her thoughts. She heard the desperation in his voice, and tried to wipe the tears from her face. Because she still needed her anger, her irritation at all of this. She couldn't break down and cry, not yet. Not until she was at her parent's place where her mother would just hold her and let her be without asking any questions. "It doesn't matter if you didn't mean to hurt me Edgar - you did. You can't just keep saying that and expect everything to be fine!"

Closing the suitcase, she moved it to the floor before sinking on the edge of the bed, reaching down to pick up Sadie and put her up there with her. "You have to take care of Sadie. She's been fed for tonight, but my parents won't want her at their house. We can figure out a better plan for her tomorrow," she managed to whisper. Was she really leaving him? She didn't know if she could answer that question. She needed to talk to her parents, try to explain it to them without giving everything away. Even though she hated keeping secrets from them, she didn't think they would like this.

Maybe you should apply that thought to this situation.
I'm not like my parents.
Well you are certainly acting like your mother would...

[Edgar Bones]

You did this to her.

    It's not like I tried! If things were different - it was safer this way, it was -

Can't you see I'm doing this now because I love you?

But whatever arguments he posed to himself, his Phoebe was crying, a suitcase packed, and she was more upset than he'd ever seen her. Her words hit him like something physical, and caused him pause - extremely agitated though he was, it was like someone had put a Sticking Charm to the soles of his shoes. He wanted to go to her, to wrap her up in his arms, to feel her lean into him and cry onto his shoulder, to say she was mad and he needed to sleep on the couch tonight but that she'd stay. 

But before he could free himself from the Charm that had surely been put upon his shoes, Phoebe's voice had dropped whisper soft, her plan for the night tumbling out of her. She was going to her parents'. Her parents'. Away from him. Leaving Sadie in his care.

Leaving him.

Edgar shook his head, frantically shaking himself out of his stupor, and kneeled before her, still shaking his head as he wiped tears from her cheeks, his other hand grasping her leg. This was all wrong, it was all wrong. She couldn't just leave, not after everything they'd been through together, not before everything they still had to look forward to as a couple. He couldn't have messed up so badly as to screw up their entire future. He couldn't. They were Phoebe and Edgar, Edgar and Phoebe - never one without the other when they were out in the muggle world, attached at the hip besides school terms since fifteen, who - who even was he without her? "I won't bother you any more tonight, okay? I'll just grab a pillow and stay out there, and we can talk in the morning." His panic, his fear, made him duck his head against her knees. She couldn't be serious - she just couldn't. They'd weathered so much together, and in any time of hardship neither had left. If she leaves - why would she come back? 

"I can't lose you, Phoebe." Words Edgar never thought he'd say came out as he looked up at her again, but the look on her face threw another twist into his heart, making the whole organ heavy as it sunk towards his stomach.

[Phoebe Bones]

He was simply standing in the doorway, just looking at her as she settled on the bed, stroking Sadie idly. Sadie, who clearly didn't grasp the situation all that well. Their child, whining as she tried to understand why both the humans she had come to love were in such strange moods. Why hushed and angry whispers were being thrown around. A dog who was just as confused as she was, because she couldn't believe what she was doing. Packing her bags, going to stay with her parents. No matter how bad things had gotten, they had never gotten that bad. She'd never made him leave, never left herself. There had been nights on the couch for both of them, but things had always worked out.

And to listen to him like this, pleading with her. I can't lose you. Words she never want to say - and never wanted to hear. She picked up the whining puppy, holding her against her cheek before looking at her. "Sadie, you be good for Edgar okay? He's going to need someone to cuddle." She sat the dog back down, before making eye contact with Edgar. "I can't..." Can't what? Can't stay, or can't lose him either? She was still young, she could still move on with her life. And so could he, he could find someone in his world. Someone that wouldn't put him at risk in this invisible war she couldn't see. Because if he was with her, they were both at risk.

And she loved him too much to ever think of him dying.

"I need more time to think. I'll call my dad to pick me up," Phoebe spoke quietly.

[Edgar Bones]

Looking up at her, failing in any attempt to calm her, to get her to stay, Edgar saw his own pain in her eyes. Sadie curled up next to his Pheebs, muzzle resting on her thigh, and looked at him as bewilderedly as he felt. Phoebe couldn't go to her parents' - couldn't call her dad. Ed had gotten Jorge's blessing years ago, helped alleviate some of the battle about him and Phoebe sharing an apartment. To have her return to her childhood home because of him - Going to have to convince him again if she leaves.

Her too.

"Please don't go," he said quietly, rising up to kiss her passionately in his desperation, kiss her for as long as she'd let him. The ring that should have long been on her finger was hidden in a box in this very room, up on the top shelf of their closet - space reserved for his things, was too much of an inconvenience for his tiny woman to reach without magic. He'd been waiting, waiting, until after this revelation. They needed to get through this. She was his everything, and they were supposed to spend their lives together. Forever. This couldn't be the end. As he kissed her, Edgar realized - for the first time since their first kiss - that this could be their last. The thought sent a new rush of panic through him, sped through his veins by his racing heart.

[Phoebe Bones]

Her parents wouldn't understand this. She'd have to come up with an excuse in the time it would take her Dad to come and get her. It wasn't as if he was magical - which really though, how did they get places without cars? - he was plain. Just like her. And she wasn't going to lie and smear Edgar's name, he was a good man and she wanted her parents to still like him regardless of how things ended up after this. But they also wouldn't believe that a small fight had caused her to come back to the house she had left. She knew her father would let the car be quiet on the ride back, it was her mother who would have a bunch of questions. At least both of them would wait until morning to ask.

Oh, how her heart was breaking more than she ever thought possible. Please. It killed her to hear that word again, it killed her that he was kissing her so passionately, so desperately. She let him for a few moments, taking in his scent, the familiarity of his lips against hers. But she pulled away, slipping out of his grasp to pick up the suitcase. She didn't look at him as she left the bedroom, heading into the kitchen to call her dad.

"Hi Daddy," she said into the phone, knowing as he would hear it in her voice. "Can you come and get me? ...Yea. Love you." Setting the phone down, she ran her hand along the wall where the vines had been, trying to get her mind to stop focusing on the magic and instead coming up with a reason she could tell her parents.

[Edgar Bones]

She was leaving.

She was actually leaving.

Edgar slumped down to the floor, his back against their bed, a nuzzling dog at the back of his head. He reached up to absently pet Sadie as he listened as well as he could to Phoebe’s phone call, buzzing with too many emotions to handle. Panic, defeat, disbelief - they collided within, and as he brought his long legs in to his chest, tears finally eeked their way out. He'd failed. He part wanted to get up, dig out the ring, and propose then and there - to show her that he had been serious about her this whole time, explain again that the only reason he hadn't made their future "official" was because he didn't want her to agree without knowing the full truth - but their proposal couldn't be on a night like this. It was too desperate of a play. They'd remember that night forever - because they would still get there, right? - and it should be nothing but blissful.

Nothing like this.

Ed brushed his eyes with the heel of his hand in frustration and disgust, knowing the last moments he had with her were slipping away, but what more could he do? He'd lost.

For now.

    She'll come back. She will.

But it was hard for him to convince himself of this when Phoebe had left the room without so much as a look back at him.

He banged his head back against the bed - not satisfying - and willed away the tears that weren't helping him think, brushing at his eyes again, and dragged himself up to his feet. He'd hate himself more if he didn't see her out, that much he knew. With dread in every step, Ed made himself join her in the kitchen, and - keeping distance he didn't want to keep, but seeing how well that kiss had gone, what was he to do? - cleared his throat as he looked to her.

"Call, love. In the morning - when you can," he quickly amended. "Okay?" With an awkwardness he hadn't felt around her ever - even before they'd dated, he'd been nothing but confident, as he had no reason to be anything else - he waited in the vicinity with her for her father to ring that he had arrived. When the buzz came, Ed stepped forward, the ghost of a joke, of hope, in his voice, "Hurt my chances any more if I ask you to stay one more time?"

[Phoebe Bones]

She hoped that maybe in the morning, she could look back at this and find some humor. Find the love that she saw clearly in his eyes every day and hold on to that. Remember all their good times, the laughter and the tears of happiness. The talks of the future when they were young and laying on a blanket in back yard, with her father keeping a watchful eye on his little princess from the kitchen window in her house. Maybe if she looked back she could see the magic, the magic between them. Hadn't she always said that? Finding him was magic, every moment they spent together. She could move past this. She knew that.

She looked over to him as he came into the kitchen, looking down at her fingernails as she sat there in the silence with him. She looked up at him only for a moment to nod at his words. What seemed like an eternity passed before there was a buzz at the door, and she went to pick up her bag as he stepped forward. She swallowed hard, closing the distance between him to give him on last kiss. "I'll call. In the morning, I promise." And with that she left, her father taking her bag and closing the door behind her.