For she had eyes and chose me | Love Letters (Charlotte)

[Charlotte Fudge]

September 31, 1978

"Love is blind."

Rem,

Please don't think that I am "too good" or "perfect." Please, I am anything but. I appreciate that this is what you think of me, and I love you for it, but I do not feel its truth. If this is the image that I portray, then it is a false one, made such by my needs over the years to be just so to succeed in varying circumstances. I don't strive for perfection of any sort, seeing that as an unobtainable goal, but only to push myself to be my best self - a self who will still be imperfect, but unique in those imperfections, and loved for them. You're so kind to me, and I feel awful amending this as I should learn to take your compliments. However, it feels as if you're pushing yourself down to lift me up, so I hope you can see why it's difficult to accept the words, given that.

You have more good, more light, in your life than only me, love. You yourself contain all the good that one needs, if you would let yourself see it as I do. I know I have been blind to situations, but I believe this to be true, and hope that one day you will too. What can I do to show you? You are a faithful friend and confidant to those you love, you've not denied assistance when someone needs you, you've the kindest heart I know, and you're not only willing to but acting on putting your needs behind the needs of the world as you pursue your work. I know I have not known you as long as it feels I have, but these things I know to be true.

I do not think you perfect, but perfect for me. And that is more than enough.

In terms of my parents, I hope that they will be accepting. I'm still in school, after all, and while we're serious it's not as if this dinner would be a pre-engagement discussion, which would invite much more scrutiny. I've no doubt they will find you delightful, however much I fear they will not speak to it. They are not the most complimentary of people. I appreciate, more than words can say, that you do want to meet them. For whatever they are to me, they are my family, and I want their approval perhaps seeing us together will finally convince them both that I am no longer their malleable little girl, fit to make my own decisions, and make them well.

From what you've told me about them, your parents seem lovely, and I'm truly sorry that my family will be a disappointment next to them. I wish I had better to offer you. I'm very much looking forward to meeting your mother and father, do tell them hello from me next time you write.

Thank you for the words about Daisy, I'm glad that you've come around. She is still one of my dearest friends, and I hope that things can go back to being pleasant among all of us, and that Peter is doing better with time.

Take your time with what you need to share, you know where I'll be.

I love you,
Char

[Remus Lupin]

October 1, 1978

"To sleep, perchance to dream..."

Char,

Ah, love, I have always thought you were perfect. It is not an image you portray, it is simply what you are. And while you may not believe me, I speak the truth in this matter. I am rather undeserving of your continued love, even if you don't agree that this is the case. Although perhaps what you said is correct, and you are simply perfect for me, as you so put it. If it bothers you I will do my best to refrain from referring to you as perfect even though you are perfect. You are, at least, the best thing to ever happen to me.

And you are too sweet. While I can't deny any of these things that you have written about me, I do feel that you don't understand precisely how much you light up my life. You have shown me a world that I had once thought I would never experience, and that's more than I could really ever ask of you.

As for your parents, I do feel that they will be as accepting as a parent can be. I don't accept any compliments from them, I'm well adjusted to how some families can be. But I do hope they will see how happy you make me, and how well we work together. It would be much easier, I think, if you parents at least didn't hate him. Especially when I ask your father if I can marry you. Please do not worry about it too much, as I am sure it will all work out just fine.

I will my parents you said hello, but please do try not to compare them to yours. They want to meet your parents Your parents will not be a disappointment in any manner. My parents are excited to meet you. And far more excited about other things, seeing as my mother has given me my grandmother's engagement ring. Winter Break will be quite lovely, I do hope.

How is Daisy holding up? I know Peter has been writing her, but we haven't talked much these past few days. Willa invited everyone out to the Leaky tonight, and I have considered going over to drag Peter out for some fun. Goodness knows we could all use it.

I love you,
Remus

[Charlotte Fudge]

October 3, 1978

"Who could refrain that had a heart to love and in that heart courage to make love known?"

Rem,

I overreacted a phrase I'm not used to using to describe myself but apparently should start to be about the "perfect" remarks, I'm sorry. You're being absolutely wonderful and I'm being a downer. I haven't got any sort of excuse, except that perhaps I'm better with this sort of thing in person than in writing. I wish I could come see you. Don't you know ways into and out of the castle? I could've sworn Rufus spoke about something like that. How is it that we can't believe in what the other sees? Thank you for buoying me up even as I'm stubbornly unused to it and don't know how to take it, the girls always said a lack of confidence would bite me one day - I'll be doing my best to break that habit from now on, I promise.

I once felt that a partnership of any sort was out of my reach as well, love, so I feel I can more understand this part of things. I tried not to think about what I was missing out on, and honestly didn't mind all that much until we started to know each other, until he tried that absurd ultimatum. As if I would ever choose between the two of you like that - you're both to be in my life, and hopefully by the time I next see Rufus he'll have realized that this wasn't some idle crush. So thank you for proving me wrong on relationships as well - never thought there would be a bloke for me, even once my brother was out of the picture, and here you are, showing me what I didn't even know I needed, and now don't know what I would do without.

Thank you for your reassurances about my family, I just don't want there to be any more unpleasantness with you and any of them. I want you to feel welcome there, but this is something I cannot promise - but will put out of my mind, as requested. You're right, of course. I can't control them, and we will be as we are, and hopefully that will lessen any negativity. In no world could they hate you either, Remus, I do know that.

I agree - winter break will be lovely, and much needed. I've been here a month, but it's felt much longer. Chatter has already begun about Halloween, can you believe it? Alex is in a tizzy, the dress she bought for the masquerade is similar to one of her friend's in Ravenclaw, apparently, so expect an update on the dresses and costumes she coerces me into during our next Hogsmeade trip as we try and find something better for her. Hopefully Daisy will agree to come, even as neither of us is feeling thrilled about the dance itself, and are unsure of whether or not we'll attend. She's getting better with time, marginally, thanks for asking; I wish there was more I could do for her, but breaking things off has broken something inside her, or so it seems.

Did you end up going to the Leaky to see friends? If you did, I hope it was a good night, you all deserve some time off.

I love you,
Char

[Remus Lupin]

October 5, 1978

"Young men's love lies not truly in their hearts, but in their eyes."

Char,

Love, there is no reason for you to apologize. I did not take offense to your words. I myself have a complicated time believing what you say to me so I do understand. I wish I could see you too, as I miss you dearly. As for ways in and out of the castle, I am going to assume you already know that I do. I wouldn't want to cause you to be in any trouble however, so I won't be giving you the information on how to escape the castle that you desire. However if you would like I can arrange to come visit you on one of your next visits to Hogsmeade. I can promise it would be a much better visit.

And I don't understand why you are thanking me when quite honestly I have you to thank. You have shown me that love is something that I, while am perfectly capable of living without it, don't want to ever imagine a life where I feel as sad as I once did. You say you don't know what you would do without me, but quite frankly I don't know what I would do without you. Even though you have been back over a month it is still strange to wake up in the mornings without you curled up next to me. You have changed my life for the better and you honor me by continuing to do so.  

And as long as your family doesn't hate me, trust me, I can handle the rest. I could possibly even handle hatred but I wouldn't want you to have to deal with that. I've briefly met Sirius family, and I guarantee there is no way your family could even compare to the insanity that is his parents. A shite lot of people they are. So trust me, I am sure I will find your family lovely and I hope that they will do the same with me.  

Ah, Halloween. I was never too fond of the ball. Then again I never had a proper date so I do imagine that would make all the difference. I expect updates on dresses and costumes however! I do hope that both you and Daisy decide to go together. You both could use the distraction from school, and she could use the distraction from Peter it would seem. Peter is just as broken, and I do wish that there was something we could do to make them both happy again.

As for the Leaky, I was a tad late but I did make an appearance. I got to interact more with some higher up Order members, quite the pair those Prewett twins. Over all it was a good time.

I miss you.

All my love,
Remus

[Charlotte Fudge]

October 6, 1978

"This grief is crowned with consolation."

Remus,

Three weeks and a day and we could have the day to ourselves in Hogsmeade, work and all permitting. Silver lining, indeed! But please don’t get in your head about making it better, as long as we can simply spend time together it’ll be what we need. I’m glad we’re in the same boat in missing and loving each other, as topsy-turvy of a boat it is. It’s comforting that we can understand each other well through these, but I can’t express how much I’m looking forward to actually being able to talk with you. There’s some things that don’t come out right written, you know?

I do hope you know I wouldn’t be frivolous with the information of the in’s and out’s, Rem - I’ll not pester you for it, but I wouldn’t be leaving it out for anyone to see, or take an excursion lightly.

But, regardless - we’ll catch up on a lot of lost sleep this winter holiday, I assure you. Sleep best at yours, with you. We’ll have dinner with my family at some point, will start to work out the details with them soon (they schedule in advance), but beyond that, if you’ll have me, I’d love to spend the break as much at yours as possible. I didn’t anticipate distance being so difficult, but without you I feel as if I’ve outgrown it here. My life isn’t here anymore, as much as I do focus on my studies.

I feel the same - never went with anyone besides dormmates, of course, but will keep you updated! She’ll need something fun to look forward to, and dressing up usually cheers her up. We’ll figure something out. Sorry to see that Peter is in the same state as she. We can brainstorm at Hogsmeade, see if we can’t come up with something to help the pair of them.

I’m glad you went out with them! That sounds lovely, and it’s always good to get to know more people from work better. The Prewett twins? Did I meet them this summer? There were so many people in and out always...

I hope you're doing well otherwise, have you still been going to the bakery?

Love,
Char

[Remus Lupin]

7 October 1978

A friend is one that knows you are you are, understands where you have been, accepts what you have become, and still gently allows you to grow.

Char,

I apologize that I am sending this letter later in the day. I just got done with a visit from Marlene, one that I would say was well overdue. Her concern for the two of us has certainly given me a perspective that I wasn't seeing before. I am looking forward to seeing you in just a few short weeks. You are correct, some things don't belong in a letter.

And as much as I would love to tell you one of the many ways in and out of the castle, I've been sworn to keep them a secret. And since Peter lost the map it makes everything much more difficult. I can tell you that I've spent more time in the cellar of Honeydukes than I have in the actual store - and you know how much I love to go and visit there.

I do look forward to having you here for the holidays. And scheduling in advance works out quite fine, that way I can let my Mum know my plans. And as long as your parents don't complain too much, I'd be more than happy to have you here at the flat. Just remember that time will go faster than we anticpate, and before you know it you will be done with school. Enjoy this last year, as much as one can.

Peter did come out to the Leaky with us all, and while you could tell he wasn't exactly in the best spirits he did make an attempt. I think there is a small glimmer of hope in all of us that the two can work things out, but we will have to see what we can come up with in a few weeks.

As for the Prewett twims, I can't say that I remember you meeting them. I didn't meet them up September, and they are quite a pair. They seem to be quite close with Edgar Bones as well, but I haven't had the privilege of working with him either. Regardless, the seem to be held in high respects.

I have been to the bakery, and they ask about you when I am there. I've told them fascinating stories about your time away at boarding school, so you may be caught off guard next time. Don't worry, I've kept it simple and boring. Wouldn't want them to get too interested in this far off school, would we?

I love you, Char.

Love,
Remus

[Charlotte Fudge]

7 October 1978

You've been "sworn" to keep things secret? Even from me? Remus, what else is going on?   

Marlene didn't say I'd gone batty over your recent letters, did she? We've been writing and I've been venting too much to her, sweet girl   

What is it she's "concerned" about with us? And what do you have to tell me that you can't write?   

Please don't have us turn this visit into what happened last time   

You've been dropping hints for weeks about what's gnawing at you, what's been gnawing at you. What do you expect me to do with that but wonder? And research? My mind is going everywhere, love. I've thought back to times we've had these arguments, or you've been out of sorts, and I feel the start of a pattern growing. My present theory is too wild, but does fit with some of what you've said...Just tell me, please   

I love you, but you're driving me mad with this.

---

9 October 1978

I would not wish
Any companion in the world but you.

Remus,

I'm glad to hear that you were able to spend time with Marlene! She's such a dear friend, and while you're working together, I expect your usual shared time doesn't allow for personal matters to be discussed. It's kind of her to be concerned, but I hope neither she, nor you, is overly worried. Whatever it is, we can discuss in person very soon. I'm truly trying to be patient, for I know it must be important.

(The next time I am in Honeydukes, I will need to be very observant to catch what you mean by that clue! Honestly, what did you and the boys not explore?)

Thank you for your flexibility with the holidays, I'll let you know once I hear from my family. I'm trying to find the joys here yet, it's just difficult some days. Daisy and I are doing some planning for the masquerade, though - it's our last year so we decided to step out a bit with a phoenix theme. We'll see if we can come up with the components in time or if we'll need to adjust, but I'm certain we can manage pulling something off. If you would like to join us, the masquerade is the day of the Hogsmeade trip this month, and I'm sure Professor Dumbledore wouldn't mind you coming by. I won't take offense if you choose not to, I know these events were never your favorite. It would give us more time to plot for our friends' happiness - I'm glad to hear as well that Peter came out with you lot, I'm sure it did him some good to have a more relaxed time with friends.

When we're together next I would love to hear more about your new workmates, they all seem to be such characters!

Oh my, thank you for the warning, I'll be sure to laugh along with whatever yarn you've spun for the bakers. For you're right, it's best that they don't ask too many questions. If you remember, feel free to let them know that I'm looking forward to seeing them over the winter holiday. I got so accustomed to their goods that even some of the sweets made by the elves pale in comparison.

I love you,
Charlotte

[Remus Lupin]

10 October 1978

Expectation is the root of all heartache

Char,

I get this feeling from your last letter everything between us isn’t actually okay. It was nice seeing her. She has her healer training as well as her other duties, so I’m not entirely sure when the girl sleeps. I told her the truth. I have a tendency to overthink things, and she knows that, as I’m sure you do. It was simply me overthinking something and nothing to stress over. It is important and I can’t express how much your patience means to me.

The castle may be large, but with enough dedication I am almost positive we explored all of it. Except the Hufflepuff common room, as we didn’t know how to get into it until graduation night. But besides that, you would be surprised what you can find around the school. I found a room filled with chocolate once but I was never able to find it again.

I am excited to hear all about the masquerade, but it’s unlikely I will be able to come that night. While I’m sure Dumbledore wouldn’t have an issue with me being in the school, I can’t positively say that I will have the free time. But I will come and see you during the Hogsmeade trip, that much I can say.

I will tell them you said hello, and remind them that you’ll be back to visit soon enough. I may have to spin a few more stories before you arrive just for my amusement. Don’t worry, nothing too complicated!

I love you,
Remus

[Charlotte Fudge]

“Have you guessed the riddle yet?” the Hatter said, turning to Alice again.

“No, I give it up,” Alice replied: “what’s the answer?”

“I haven’t the slightest idea,” said the Hatter.

“Nor I,” said the March Hare.

Alice sighed wearily. “I think you might do something better with the time,” she said, “than wasting it asking riddles with no answers.”

---

12 October 1978

“And what is the use of a book," thought Alice, "without pictures or conversation?”

Remus,

I was going through my trunk and, while I didn't find what I was originally looking for, I did come across an old book I hope you will enjoy. Do give the owl an extra treat for traveling all this way with it! While this appears a children's book, to be sure, there is quite a lot to it if you read into it. I hope, if you have time, that you enjoy the read - there are plentiful logic and word puzzles to keep your mind busy, and bits of lighthearted amusement as well. It's one I enjoyed when I was younger, but have grown to appreciate more with every read. Do tell me your thoughts on it if you choose to give it a try!

I hope you and Marlene can continue to make time for each other, I'm sure she enjoyed the visit as well. I do hope that your thoughts are settling. Are you and Lily still working closely together? I'm sure she could help ease your mind as well. How are she and James doing, by the way?

I will need to be extra vigilant, now knowing that there is a room hidden here somewhere that's full of chocolate. Is that what began your love of it? If I happen upon it I will be sure to note exactly where it is, so it won't be lost again. I understand about the masquerade, and look forward to our day in Hogsmeade soon. 

I love you,
Charlotte

[Remus Lupin]

14 October 1978

No legacy is so rich as honesty

Char,

Marlene's visit was nice, it had been far too long since we got to sit and just talk. That is to be expected of course, she does have two highly demanding jobs. But she has us all looking out for her, and I imagine she will be just fine. We will all be just fine, and I truly do appreciate your patience. It is an important conversation for us to have, and I promise that we will talk about things.

As for our exploration, we have explored every inch of that castle. Of course Hogwarts still has it's secrets I am sure, but I'm pretty positive we discovered every single secret way in and out of the castle.

I talked with my mother, and she agreed that we could move our Christmas dinner to the day after the holiday so that you could attend. I know we haven't set any plans in stone yet, but I assumed your parents will want you home for the day. I know Rufus still has his objections to things, but I think they will come around if given time. Perhaps I could accompany you to Christmas dinner so that I could get to know your family more? Just a thought.

As for the masquerade I can't make any promises, but I do hope to see pictures at the very least. I love the theme you two have choosen, quite an excellent idea for a pair of Gryffindors! I'm sure Fawkes will also appreciate the sentiment, assuming it's not a burning day for him.

I will have to write down some of the things that happen at work, as sometimes they can be interesting. And don't worry, I haven't spun too crazy of a story to the bakers. I stopped by today and let them know that the servants at your fancy boarding school can't bake nearly as well, and they are just so delighted by the complement.

I love you,
Remus

[Charlotte Fudge]

16 October 1978

I'm testing out a theory by sending this out today, and late in the evening. I know I should be less inquisitive. You've said you'll tell me when we're together. I should write about our friends, and the masquerade, and my birthday. But would you love me as you do if my mind were put so easily to rest? It's the full moon tonight, and I have to try   

I don't know what to expect from this experiment, if anything. If there is a sizable delay in your response, is that a clue? If you don't sound like yourself? If my owl seems like it's had a fright?   

Nothing more dangerous than a mind at wander, my love. I wish you would   

---

16 October 1978

"The truth is rarely pure and never simple."

Remus,

I'm heartened that you two spoke, the support of friends is invaluable, especially for the lot of you. Going from being with each other every day to being in such demanding positions must be trying, but I agree - everyone will be all right. I look forward to seeing you and having that conversation as part of your next visit. One week and a half!

Perhaps it was because of you four that Professor McGonagall never much cared for the antics of my class! Not enough energy left to deal with them, I presume! I do admire your adventurous spirit, it is enviable!

I appreciate the adjustment of the winter holiday, how kind of you and your family to accommodate me so already. My family is hardly flexible, so yes, you were right to think that they would desire me to be home. I think that your coming to Christmas dinner would be a step in the right direction, but I cannot promise you that it will be the most pleasant of evenings. I will write them and express that it is my wish that you attend.

Thank you! If we have the time, I'm sure we could experiment with our charmwork to integrate flames into the design. I'm certain that there is a variant of Bluebell flames that would be appropriate, and hopefully with some research or discussion with Professor Flitwick we can make it work. If you are able to come, then, it shan't matter what you wear - for we will simply add the flames to you too!

I look forward to hearing your work stories in person! Never a dull moment, I presume, even if the paperwork abounds. That was a kind way to spin the story, I'm glad that they were happy! I hope you have a pleasant evening!

I love you,
Char