For she had eyes and chose me | Love Letters (Charlotte)

[Remus Lupin]

September 7th, 1978

"I love thee with a love that shall not die, till the sun grows cold and the stars grow old" 

Charlotte,

I've been reading more Shakespeare. I haven't had a thing to do since you left for school. I feel lost without you around. I miss you terribly. I had brunch with everyone after we said our goodbyes at the train station. It was nice, but it's a very bittersweet feeling to not be at school. Especially since I have done nothing but paperwork the past few days. My mum suggested that I get a pet to keep me company at the apartment, but I'm quite content with just the owl and the silence. I think she intends to get me a cat, but cats have never been fond of me. When I was nine the neighbors cat nearly chewed my arm off.

Enough of that though, I don't mean to bore you with stories. I hope this letter finds you quickly, and that school is going well. I know it's not very far into the year but I recall how much work we were assigned that first we back. You'll do great, as always. I can't wait to see you on the sixteenth. I do hope you can find a way to leave Alex behind. I know she is your friend and she is a lovely person but I'd much rather just spend the day with you. I can't express how difficult that day will be for me, having you around will make things bearable. 

You'll also be delighted to know I haven't killed that potted plant I bought over the summer. It's only a matter of time before it meets a bitter end, but I do like seeing it on the counter. So I will do my best to keep it from wilting. 

I don't want to drag on. I miss you, Char. I wish I could see you sooner.

All my love, 
Remus.

[Charlotte Fudge]

September 7th, 1978

"So we grew together, like to a double cherry, seeming parted, but yet a union in partition."

Rem,

I'm awfully glad it hasn't just been me pouring through the bard's words lately, trying to find some comfort in his wisdom. It's so odd being back here, without you - I know we both knew it was coming, and it's not like we spent the start of last year or any before that together, but a Hogwarts without you after experiencing a Hogwarts with you is rather lackluster, even with all of the castle's timeless charms. As you wrote, the professors seem determined to doggedly keep all of our noses clean as they each saw fit to pile on assignments from day one, so at least I've that and my friends here to keep me from getting too caught up in missing you. (Not that I don't miss you and feel your absence, I really do, it's just - Merlin, how can I forever be articulate in describing the Goblin Wars of the seventeenth century but not have the words to express this feeling? Have I told you lately how much of a saint you are for putting up with the truly ineloquent one in this pair?)

Also - foregoing more parentheticals - please don't worry about boring me with your stories! I love to know more and more, and now I know that a cat wouldn't be close to an ideal present, and that the little plant is wholeheartedly - or with all of its xylem, at least - clinging to life. If it ever does get into dire conditions, I know Willa would be happy to nurse it back to health - otherwise you can expect a replacement when I can next visit. And let's not think on how long that will be, yes? Too saddening of a thought, too many months away. Speaking of - it's strange, isn't it, how quickly one can get used to and, just as suddenly, miss a place? I've rarely felt as at home somewhere as I felt at your flat, and I know it's silly as it was new to you too, but...I could sum up this summer in the cartons of tea that we went through in your kitchen and the titles of books that we read on your couch and the number of forgotten and found jumpers in your wardrobe. Being away from you as well as a place that became our felt like home, even with all of the distractions a place like this can afford, is quite disheartening.

I'm sorry to hear that you've been having a rough time of it as well - quite a jolly pair we are! I hope that your work starts picking up interest soon, at least - has there been there any word on when you and the others will be moving up? And I'm glad that you and your friends got together, it must have been so surreal to pass the day without ending it at Hogwarts. Are James and Sirius faring any better? I last saw them, of course, at Mr. Potter's memorial, and my heart just goes out to them as they are, as I hope, on their way to recovery.

As for the Hogsmeade visit, never fear, I'll make sure the day is just us. I love Alexandra as well, but she will understand that we need some time. But I'm sorry to hear that the day will be so difficult - is it a gut feeling, or is there anything in particular? Something I could do to help? Do let me know, love, I still worry about you.

I miss you, I love you, and I will see you soon,

Charlotte

[Remus Lupin]

September 10th, 1978

"The course of true love never did run smooth."

Char,
Indeed. It seems so long ago that I first quoted him to you. I want to say it was a pure accident that I choose those words but perhaps my heart knew something my head did not at the time. However I do understand what you mean. I have been wandering around my flat, and it just doesn't feel right. I should be in study hall working on homework, and convincing James and Sirius that Quidditch does not need to come before their essays. It doesn't feel right not being there, but I do believe it also does not feel right having you here. You have made this flat much more comfortable for me. I am glad that your friends have kept you distracted though. I haven't seen anyone since the day you left on the train and I am getting quite lonely.

Also, love, you are very eloquent. You do remember how I invited you to Lily and James' wedding, don't you?

I am glad you find my stories entertaining. I suppose I have told them so many times over the years to James and Sirius that I don't really think about the fact you haven't heard them before. If you wish, though, we can get a cat to purchase a cat I have no complaints. I don't dislike them, they just aren't quite fond of me. And I do agree, shall the plant start to die a most horrid death I will call upon the magnificent Willa to repair it. If it does fail, however, I would be glad to go on a replacement shopping trip with you. I think that it would be best if perhaps we got a fake plant though, if I do not keep this one alive. You know herbology was not exactly my best subject.

I miss you terribly, and I do know what you mean. This flat feels empty without you. I found a jumper you left here, and I hung it in my closet. Is it strange it makes me feel better to see it mixed it with my jumpers? I can send it to you, if you would like. If you don't need it, however, it will be waiting here for you the next time you visit. If I might, though, Christmas is terribly far away and I am rather fond of you. It seems like such a long time.

As for work, I haven't heard much. We have a meeting the day before your trip to Hogsmeade, and I suppose I will have more information then. I can't say too much, obviously, but I am hoping it will be relatively good news. I don't know how much I will be able to focus, however, knowing that the day after I can hold you in my arms again. As for James and Sirius, I wish I could say more. Neither of them seem to be handling it well, which is understandable. The death of both their parents in one summer is a terrible thing to go through, and it's a loss I feel almost as deeply as they do. I am keeping it together, though. I know Dory and Charlus would have wanted me to keep my spirits up and continue on with my life.

No need to fret, love. You could call it a gut feeling. My mum is down sick again, and I am just concerned that while I am not at a place I could easily go see her she might get worse. I am sure things will be fine though.

Have I ever told you about the time I found a puppy? It was a cute creature, but we ended up finding the owners after two weeks of taking care of it. I was distraught, mind you, because I always wanted a pet. It was probably for the best though, I was young and I often forgot to feed it. Thankfully my mother was always looking after it to make sure it was ok. Still, a pet would be a nice thing to have. Other than an owl, which I don't think really can classify as a pet.

Have a good week, love. Try to keep your head up, I know this year can be rough with school work but you are brilliant and you will have no problems.

I love you,
Remus

[Charlotte Fudge]

September 12th, 1978

"A woman would run through fire and water for such a kind heart." (Alas, I cannot run through time to the point where we won't have this distance - four more days until a reprieve, though!)

Remus,

It hurts to know that you haven't been seeing your friends; I know you all must be processing the recent deaths of loved ones, and adjusting to not being back at school, and simply still getting used to life in the Order, but I feel - for as much as my semi-objective opinion can be worth - that it would be most helpful if you all stayed together, a constant in this otherwise tumultuous time. If you ever want to write about how you're doing with their losses, you know I'm an outlet for you - I wish I'd known them so I could be more help, but they both seemed like such lovely people and parents for all of you. If I can use Arnie as an indication of how his counterpart is doing, Dorcas isn't having a good time of it either. Perhaps she could be a good support, and you for her, as you're going through such similar experiences. It's just a thought, dear, and I don't mean to push. I simply worry for you all, out there on your own when you don't necessarily need to be.

Have you been reading anything? Besides Shakespeare, I mean. Maybe a new-to-you author or series would help cheer you up! Attached is something I hope you enjoy if you haven't read it yet, or get a new look at if you have. It's The Princess Bride, an American novel I found a few years ago positively buried in one of those half-priced shops I showed you this summer. It's lighter than my usual taste, but there are some great characters and humorous bits I hope you'll get a laugh out of, if you so choose to read it. (The hero reminds me of Sirius and James, now that I'm thinking of it - you can determine who's a better fit!)

And thank you, I try, and yes of course I remember! There was some mention of a window and a fall and all of a sudden we were going to the wedding together. We shall just agree to agree on our mutual eloquence.

Oh, dear, I'd much rather you hold onto the jumper, anything to help. I'm rather fond of you as well, love, and I like picturing it among your things - if I can't be there, at least some part of me is, right? Even if it's just a jumper, hopefully it'll remind you that I'm not as gone as it seems.

I'm sorry to hear that things are so uncertain with work - I mean, I knew they would be, you knew they would be, but I like knowing what's coming so am having a difficult time conceptualizing what's going on with you. However, I do know I'll be seeing you this Saturday, and that's all I need for now. It's too bad to hear about your mother, though - she seems so often ill, has there ever been any discovery of why? Not that you need to tell me, but with something so chronic, that's simply troubling. It's sweet of you to be worrying, but try to just think of what you can do, and how she will still be taken care of, as I'm sure your father will be doing his best. Will you go and see them after our visit?

I hadn't heard about the puppy! Perhaps a dog would be a better fit than a cat - does your landlord allow pets? It would definitely be worth finding out so that you can have a companion! (A companion besides a silk plant.) Didn't you once have a troublesome rabbit? Or am I imagining things?

Thank you for the boost about this year, classes are getting more interesting as the days go on, and I know it will be a lot of work but I can't yet be bothered to worry! I'd expect I'll be more worried about keeping Alex on track than on falling behind myself, but such is how my mind is wired - I don't think I could miss a due date if I tried.

Do tell me that you are eating and taking care of yourself, love, best as you can - even with all of this you've got to stay well.

I love you,
Charlotte

[Remus Lupin]

September 14th, 1978

What made me love thee? Let that persuade thee there’s something extraordinary in thee. I cannot: but love thee; None but thee, and thou deservest it.

Char,
You are correct, of course. It would be beneficial to us all to spend more time together, especially during a time in which we are all dealing with such a painful loss. Dory was like a second mother to me, and I am still incredibly thankful for her words of encouragement during the last Christmas break I spent with them. She was an amazing person, as was Charlus. It’s so painful to know that I won’t be seeing them again. I can only imagine what pain James and Sirius are feeling, losing their parents. Which is why I have given them their space. I do believe, however, that I will be spending some time with them in Hogsmeade the day before I see you, and also perhaps that night after you must return to the school.

As for Doe, you are correct. I feel terrible for not speaking to her often, as she does understand more than the other do about how I am feeling. I will have to send her an owl and see how she is holding up.

I read the book you send, it’s absolutely lovely. I would have to say that the hero reminds me more of James, though, as Sirius doesn’t seem to be the type who would ever go to extreme lengths for love. Then again, people can change and I do believe he may eventually settle down. I do want to thank you for sending me the book, it kept me very amused. I’m sure the neighbors think I’m a bit odd laughing to myself about a book, but alas, that’s not my concern.

And since you insist, I will keep the jumper in my closet. You may need it during Christmas break, as I’m sure my flat will be a bit chilly. Which, does remind me, my mother has requested that I bring you home with me for Christmas. There is no pressure, however, if you do not wish to. They simply want to meet you, and I’m sure thank you for making them feel better about my lack of dates during most of my schooling. They can be a bit much though so I do understand if you would rather not. Also, would you want to stay at my flat during Christmas break at all? I know you have family obligations but I miss holding you in my bed.

As for work, I shall know more tomorrow, hopefully. I will of course keep you posted, especially if I end up doing anything more than filing papers. You are my everything, love.

My mother is doing well this week, which is good, but it is a troubling condition. She refuses to see any magical doctors, which is unfortunate but considering how much she distrusts her muggle doctors I can understand. Magic is sometimes still a bit much for her to see, even if she did willingly marry a wizard. I wish we could find out what is ailing her, but it’s her choice and my father and I don’t see it right to force her. I will try to see her shortly after I leave Hogsmeade, though.

I do believe the landlord allows pets, I have heard a few dogs barking downstairs. I don’t know if I could handle a puppy though, they have a lot of energy. Sort of like Sirius, actually. And if you are referring to my “furry little problem”, as James says, yes. I did have a pet rabbit that lived with my parents, he was quite a little terror.

I promise that I am eating as many meals as I remember, and getting enough rest. I will see you in two days, though, so sleep is a bit difficult as I am incredibly ready to hold you again.

I will see you soon, my love,
Remus

[Charlotte Fudge]

September 15th, 1978

"I would not wish any companion in the world but you."

Remus,

I’m just going to jump right in - I can’t rightly express how excited I am for tomorrow! It’s only been a few weeks, but it seems much longer, doesn’t it? I rather miss you, dear. Rather a lot. It’s nothing against anyone here, as I am enjoying getting back into a routine with Alex and the others and can hardly be discontent when classes and friends are fine, but friends aren’t you, and classes can only keep my mind so busy. I simply miss us, as that is something that cannot be replaced.

I hope that this letter finds you well, and that your meeting was beneficial. Must have been interesting to have everyone together, I can’t wait to hear all about it. As much as you can tell me, at least; I know that there are restrictions for good reasons and will, of course, respect that. It’s just good to know what you and the others are up to - it’s vitally important work, and hopefully knowing more will make it less frightening to imagine. That’s my hope, at least. and all.

You are my everything too, love.

That does make sense, giving Sirius and James their space to process, as you are all truly grieving the loss of parents and parental figures. It was such a blessing that you got to know Dory and Charlus as you did, and not having gone through something like this I simply resend my sympathy and my willing ear to listen, fortunately or unfortunately not having more pointed advice to give. Just know that I am here for you, and wishing that the process could be simpler for you all, but acknowledging that grief is a peculiar and ongoing process without a cure-all. Take the time that you need, and hopefully soon the memories with them will be more fond than stinging. I am glad that you had the opportunity to connect with them today, and I hope I'm not disturbing your time with them with this letter.

Oh, dear, I did not write that to make you feel poorly, just meant that Dorcas and you could also be good supports for each other. I got the impression that she was awfully close with the Potters as well, so may be grieving similarly to you.

I'm glad you enjoyed the book! Speedy reader, you are - and don't have a care what the neighbors think, you are quite allowed to laugh in your flat. And I know I don't know them as well as you, but Sirius seems quite a determined fellow - if he had a great love, I couldn't see him giving her up easily. But you're definitely right - James fits the bill for this particular hero, and Lily could have a battle of wits with her fictional counterpart!

Remus, I would love to visit your parents over the holidays. They are a part of you, and I'd be more than happy to spend time with them. As the break gets closer I'll find out what my family is up to and we'll find a time that works for me to come out. Also, yes, I will definitely be needing that jumper when I visit over break - I mean, assuming that you're not too busy with work and all, I'd love to spend the time with you. I'm imagining that my family will have a dinner Christmas Eve, but beyond that, as you know, everyone is likely to be doing their own thing.

That does make sense, about your mother. It's hard to always trust magic even when raised with it, after all - it must sometimes be quite shocking for her, still, and trusting forces she does not know with something as precious as her health would be a lot. I'm glad you'll be able to see her soon, I'm sure you're such a comfort to them at home.

Hmm, in terms of pets - if a puppy would be a bit much (as you wrote, definitely a Sirius), but a pet is something you'd like, I'd be more than happy to go to a shelter or pet store with you over break to see what is available! I'm sure once you're holding the right animal that you'll know. We'll figure it out.

See you in the morning!

Love,
Char

[Remus Lupin]

September 15, 1978

“He is the half part of a blessed man left to be finished by such as she and she, a fair divided excellence whose fullness of perfection lies in him.”

Char,

I’m sneaking in this letter as James and Sirius will try and add to it if they catch me writing, so I’m afraid it may be short. I’m anxious to see you tomorrow. I feel like I need you in my arms again. I’m glad you have gotten into the swing of things with classes but tomorrow is a day I feel we both have been needing.

The meeting was helpful, it gave me more of an idea of what to expect with work. I won’t give many details in a letter, of course, but we can discuss it tomorrow.

Lily dragged James to many of the shops before the meeting, so I’m hoping that helped get him into better spirits. We are having a “boys night” tomorrow night and I also hope that helps them. I know I have needed them more than I thought I did. While I am a tad concerned for the four of us to be together again and unsupervised, I’m sure things will be ok.

Ah, do not fear. You did not make me feel poorly. I apologize if I expressed that in my last letter. Doe was incredibly close with them as well, and as such is good support for me. She’s also incredibly helpful in dealing with missing you, as Arnie is currently at Hogwarts as well. Which you already knew.

I find it hard to imagine Sirius with a great love, but given certain…circumstances I do feel that maybe he is more of a lover than we had all originally thought. I do believe you are correct in your assumption that he would not easily give a great love up. James and Lily though do both remind me of the characters in the book.

Ah, I shall let them know. There are some things I have been meaning to discuss with you regarding myself my parents, so perhaps we can find time tomorrow to discuss it. However I would love to have you spend time at my flat over break, I assure you that filling papers will always come second to spending moments with you.

Ah, well. I do suppose that we could go look at animals over break. You’ll have to pardon me at the shelter though, the sight of that many animals needing homes may make me a tad overwhelmed. I do hope that you’ll help me make the right decision on an animal.

See you in the morning, beautiful.

Love,
Remus

[Remus Lupin]

September 18, 1978

"Love me or hate me, both are in my favor. If you love me, I'll always be in your heart. If you hate me, I'll always be in your mind."

Char,

I know I did not say it, and that writing it hardly means as much as hearing my words would, but I am terribly sorry. Yesterday was supposed to be a splendid day, and my attitude did nothing but ruin it for you. I would not be surprised if you choose to never speak to me again.

I got into trouble, not actual trouble, with the boys last night. I think James may have kicked me in the fact at some point, because my head is killing me. We have made up, however. If you were concerned about that. I think things will be ok, they just get caught up in things at times. I can't blame them.

I am home now, though. The plant we bought died. I told you I was no good at these sort of things. I've given in water in hopes that maybe it will recover.

I'll keep this short, and I do hope to hear from you.

I love you,
Remus

[Charlotte Fudge]

September 18th, 1978

"Doubt thou the stars are fire; doubt that the sun doth move; doubt truth to be a liar; but never doubt I love."

Remus,

You're not going to shake me that easily - did you really think that? We are only human, after all. We've all got our faults, we're all going to make mistakes. But that's a nice part about love, isn't it? The way we can forgive?

We were both of us out-of-sorts, and I am sorry for how I behaved as well. I trust you, and trust your judgement, but I admit it's hard to let go of wanting to know, wanting that imaginary sense of control as the world continues to do what the world does. I've been keeping up with the news, of course, and every day there's some new tragedy, something the ministry's trying to brush off. And it's not like I'm a fighter, but I read, and read, and feel so useless. So I suppose that's been more prevalent in my mind than I even knew before we got to talking, and may have influenced my erratic behavior. And I know that although it feels I've known you my life, that is not the reality, and in some ways we are still in the getting-to-know-you's. I neglected that idea when we were together last, and will try to approach future surprises, for lack of a better term, in a more reasonable way.

Yes, dear - I have been concerned about you and the boys. I'm glad that things have sorted out a bit, even if it took a kick to the face? Are you all right? I hope that the four of you can move forward in a more united way, like you once did. You've all got so much to deal with, each stressor multi-faceted, and your group will be your best support in these coming months. As I'm away, there's only so much I can do, love - please reach out to them, they need you as much as you need them.

I'm sorry to hear about our plant, the weekend away must've done it in. It's all right, really you don't need worry about it, you've got enough to handle. Perhaps next time we'll do our research, get something more hardy.

I love you,
Char

[Remus Lupin]

September 20, 1978

"Love looks not with the eyes, but with the mind."

Char,
I can't express the comfort your last letter brought me. And I appreciate you forgiving me for my actions. It was entirely uncalled for, and I will do whatever you ask to make this up to you.

You have nothing to apologize for. Any person would have reacted as you did in that situation. You simply wanted to be there for me, and I've done nothing but shut you out. I'm afraid I've shut you out for far too long, but there are somethings that are difficult for me to discuss. My life has not been as pleasant as I may have portrayed, and in time, I would like to think that we can talk about these things.

But please don't get so caught up on the world. Things are terrible, and they are going to get worse. I won't lie. But we have people on our side too, so many great witches and wizards who are risking their lives to right the wrongs that are happening. And if you get too caught up in things, it's hard to see anything positive. You are my positive light, love, and I hope that in some ways I can do the same for you. You are not useless, everyone has their purpose in this world.

And I'm fine. The kick wasn't intentional, I am sure. We just got to roughing around, it's nothing new. The aches and pains have already subsided. Hopefully things can return to how they were doing school, we have been so close for so long. I knew things would change to an extent, but I do hope that it doesn't continue down this road where we seem to be growing apart.

I had a small plant funeral today, it didn't do any better even with the water I gave it. Perhaps we should look into getting a cactus for our flat. Or bamboo. They seem like they hold up more.

I love you,
Remus

[Charlotte Fudge]

September 21, 1978

“Laughing faces do not mean that there is absence of sorrow! But it means that they have the ability to deal with it."

Remus,

All I ask as we move forward together is that we move forward together as much as possible. I know it probably sounds silly, as there’s really so little that I can really do for you from here, but at the least I can offer to be a sounding board for what’s going on, and at the most hopefully give you some peace of mind with my replies. However, this comes back to honesty, and I do hope that you’ll soon feel comfortable sharing with me the bits of your life you hint at as unpleasant. It must be stressful to hold so much in, and whenever you feel ready, I’ll be here to listen. So if you're having a bad day, know that you don't need to hide that from me, all right? We all have our better and worse days, and without acknowledging a problem I don't know how to move out of a bad day myself.

Thank you for that, love - the world is just so easy to get caught up in at a time like this, but I know I’ve got to focus on my studies (failing a course and citing the cause as “wartime” wouldn’t be acceptable with my parents, unfortunately) and friendships as well, and find my way in the world once I’m actually out in the world. Everything in its time, right? But as much as I have always loved Hogwarts, I’m wishing more and more often that I’d graduated in your year. I’m so proud of you and your friends for jumping right into things, but I suppose it is good to have this year to get more of a handle on what I’ll do once I’m out...just missing you, at the end of the day, I suppose.

I’ve never been such a complainer, I’m going to drive you and the girls mad - look what’s happened to me when there’s someone I care so much about! My light.

I’m glad to find that you’re all right, you and the boys are certainly always full of surprises. Looking forward to hearing how things progress. Speaking of, have there been any changes with work? We never got to talking about that the other day - I take it the meeting itself went well, beyond your friends’ reactions?

Thank you for giving our plant a proper farewell - a cactus is a grand idea, I don’t think we could kill it if we tried.

I love you,
Char

[Remus Lupin]

September 23, 1978

"Our doubts are traitors, and make us lose the good we oft might win, by fearing to attempt."

Char,

I will do my best to respect your wishes, but there are things I can't discuss with you. And believe me, if I could find it in my heart to put the words together for you that could make this all better, to share the depths of my soul with you, I would. And as much as I appreciate the gesture of you being willing to listen, some things are best left unsaid for now. There are certain things about me, about my life and my family, that would tear your heart apart. I can't simply drop those words on you and expect things to be alright.

There is a difference between a bad day, and a horror story. I won't subject you to something like that, not now. And not until I am ready, which I have come to realize could be quite some time. And as it pains me to think of you leaving, I often wonder if you would be better off without me.

Focus on your schoolwork, love. The world can wait for you to finish school before you tackle it. And no, I doubt your parents would accept that as an answer for a bad grade. They don't seem like they are accepting of much. Which brings me to ask, would I be able to meet them? Not now, of course, but perhaps over winter break?

And I miss you as well. More than words could express.

Work is the same, and while certain others may still not enjoy it, I find it to be good. The meeting was fine, nothing exciting happened besides the boys.

I love you,
Remus

[Charlotte Fudge]

September 24, 1978

Remus,

How is a relationship supposed to work if we can't be honest? How are "things best left unsaid" when the unsaid things are causing more distance between us than being apart? If you're trying to comfort me by saying that a "horror story" will be delayed, that's not really working, love. And if it so hurts to imagine my leaving, don't you think it's fair for me to have the information to make that decision for myself? Reassure you that I won't? Because whatever you say, I know you, and whatever's happened to you in the past that you're still dealing with, that you haven't yet shared, we can work through together. Can't you see that we won't move past this until we do?

I don't know what to say. I wish you were here and we could actually talk.

[Charlotte Fudge]

September 26, 1978

“Fire that's closest kept burns most of all.”

Remus,

All I can say is that I hope you can find the words. In fearing of tearing apart my heart, the tears have already begun. I only worry that you're not hope you're all right. When you're ready to share, I'll be ready to listen. I'm ready now. I know I'm not the most creative of people, but the mystery of all of this is making my mind reel to the most absurd of conclusions. Truth would be preferable than fantasy.

As it pains you to think of me leaving, it pains me for not knowing why you'd think this. I hope I've not done anything to suggest that this is my mindset, for with everything I know, I am my happiest with you. Selfishly, then, with you is where I plan to stay. I've experienced life without you, Remus, and I'm realizing as more time goes by that it wasn't the full life I want. With you, it is. I don't know how to settle your mind on this, but just know that, please.

Yes, dear - if you'd like to meet my parents, I will make sure it happens. Winter break would make the most sense, I agree. But I have to warn you say that it may not be the most pleasant of meetings. It's not so much that they are protective of me, but of our family's reputation. They arranged Violet's marriage and she was happy enough to follow along with all that required, and is now married to a pureblooded fellow in the Ministry. They've met none of Cole's girls, I doubt that they know the extent of what he got up to at school. As he made it to a team, I doubt he'll be able to keep anything a secret for much longer. Marriage talks will likely begin soon. But for myself - where I am going with this long winded explanation - they were surprised to find out I was even dating, as you know. They will want to put you through a veritable inquisition, which I will do my best to mediate. But I have to say that it's disorienting, bringing up meeting my family after suggesting I'd be better off without you.

I love you,
Char

P.S. I apologize for the mess and brevity of this, sensible words have not been my faithful companion lately, as they usually are. I'd rewrite but am already running late to meet Daisy for dinner.

[Remus Lupin]

September 29, 1978 

"There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so."

Char,

No need to apologize, I fear that my letters are the same, a mess of words spilled from my head without any proper thought. I do hope you had a good lunch with Daisy, I regret the words I said about her. It's not my place to judge her actions, even if it is hard to watch Peter go through something like this.

I don't know how to find the words. This isn't something I can just blurt out to you over tea. I'm a monster. I'm not as kind and good as you think, and that's hard for me to admit. So telling you this, about my family, about me. It's not something I can do light heartedly. So few people know, and it's always been safer that way. But I delve too deep, these letters are not to make you worry, only to brighten your day.

You have done nothing to suggest that you are going to leave, I simply fear that you will. Often. You could find someone much better than men, you're too perfect of a person to be with someone whose life is so bland and dissapointing. You are my only ray of light, but I am not silly enough to believe that one day I will be in complete darkness again. But I appreciate your words, and I will take them gladly in an attempt to settle my heart.

As for your parents, well. I wouldn't expect anything less. I'm well aware that I will not meet their standards for you, something I have come to realize is simply a fact of life. You are far too good to me, and I can admit that. And while I do realize that my blood status is, in your families eyes, lacking. I am sure they are perfectly capable of rational thought, however. As such, while I have no doubts in my mind that they will have many questions for me, I'm sure they will find me to be delightful. At least, that's what my mother has been insisting ever since I brought up the fact I had a desire to meet your parents.

I love you,
Rem