An Unfortunate Argument | September 16 | (Charlotte)

[Remus Lupin]

When Remus Lupin woke up, he was dreading the day more than he wanted to admit. He had been looking forward to this day since he had said goodbye to Charlotte at the train, he wanted nothing more than to see her again. They had such a wonderful summer together, even with all of the bad things that had happened. She had been by his side for both funerals. And the wedding...he still hadn't forgiven himself for what had happened to her. While the scratch had faded, the scar above her eyebrow was a constant reminder. He didn't know the name of the man who had hurt her, but he was determined to find out. It had been a rough situation, and the smell of another wolf had hit him suddenly, and strongly.

It had smelled familiar, and if Fenir Greyback was the one who had hurt Charlotte, Remus was going to kill him. Fenir had already taken his life away from him once, if the man tried to do it again. Remus shook his head, realizing that he was sitting on his bed shaking with rage. He stood up to pace, trying to let the energy go. He hadn't been truthful with his last letter to Charlotte. The order meeting had gotten to him, and he was incredibly worried about the full moon this night. Things hadn't exactly been fine and dandy with is friends. He shouldn't have lashed out at them about their complaints of being stuck behind a desk. They needed a distraction from the summer's events and being out in a field would help them. He just couldn't help but be angry with them. He had wanted a different job, he had asked to go back to Hogwarts and teach. But Dumbledore had swayed him, told him that it wasn't a good idea. The Order would be better, he could serve a good purpose.

So he was here. Working for the Order, happy to have a job in the magical world. He had applied at a few muggle places, but he hadn't heard much back from them. The only place he found steady work was the book shop by his flat, and he only helped out when he could. They didn't pay much, but he was getting by. He had so many things to be happy about, but all he could be was bitter. Bitter and angry about his situation. It hadn't helped that his night had been plagued by the reoccurring dreams of when he was attacked.

He stopped pacing, checking the time. Charlotte would be waiting for him if he didn't get a move on. But he was worried, today was the full moon and he hardly knew his own strength sometimes, especially this close. He was a basket case of emotions, jumping from one extreme to another. And missing the Wolfsbane potion? No, the transformations were brutal and ugly and unpleasant. He'd had more scars appear than he had acquired at his entire time at Hogwarts. He should have cancelled the date, claimed his mother was ill.

He was not prepared to put on a happy face and pretend everything was ok. But telling her the truth? Completely out of the question. So he gave a sigh, before grabbing his coat and leaving the room, moving quickly so that he wouldn't alert any of his friends. He would see them tonight, and they could talk about what had happened more then. For now he just wanted to see the girl he loved, and no one else. So he left, and trudged his way to the entrance to Hogsmeade from the castle.

[Charlotte Fudge]

This was a good day.

The Gryffindor had been excited for this Hogsmeade trip for much more than having a shopping and socializing opportunity - hers and Remus' schedules were allowing them this day together. It had been mere weeks since she'd seen him, but leaving him at King's Cross - the day after Charlus' funeral - had not sat well with her. It didn't feel right to leave him alone when he had so much to process, and when his friends were so poorly off as well. They'd kept in as close of contact as they could through letters, but there was no substitute for being with him. His last letter had been briefer than most, but he'd been spending time with the boys, and she didn't fault him for it. They had hours to honestly catch up today, to express what couldn't be expressed through writing with being together, actually talking, being held by him...

Charlotte Meyers never thought she'd become a lovesick romantic, but she was in love, so was he, and there was no shame in wanting to kiss your boyfriend.

She'd dressed with extra care, and Alex had jumped in to do her hair to compliment her ensemble, chattering excitedly about Char and Remus having this day to snog. The other girl had been rebuffed as she'd sharply turned her head, messing up Alex's work. She'd been given a stern look and faced the mirror again, muttering an explanation about how their relationship was so much more than just that. "I'm just teasing, Char," her friend had replied, grinning mischievously at her reflection. "Just saying that it'll be good for you lovebirds to have some time to be lovebirds, is all." Charlotte relaxed slightly, appreciating the sentiment, although her friend couldn't know how deeply she wished they could just be "lovebirds." The time they'd had so far together had been good, undeniably, and she wouldn't change any of the struggles that they'd gone through. But due to events out of their control, happy occasions had turned more than sour, summer days turned cold with grief. She didn't know when things would be simple, or if she could ever expect them to be...but she and Remus had weathered those storms and come out stronger for them. Clear skies would be on the horizon one of these days, wouldn't they?

Alex helped with her make-up as well, but as she tried to use cover-up to erase Char's new scar, the other girl mutely shook her head. Remus felt horribly about the entire affair, and trying to cover it up would make it seem like she resented it. The wedding had turned terrifying, yes, and of course she'd prefer not to have the lasting reminder - but he had been hurt more than her that night. She needed to show him that she had accepted the mark in the hopes that he would too.

The girl did her best to push thoughts of anything less than pleasant from her mind as she left the castle with Alexandra, chatting about everything and nothing, until she saw a familiar figure down the path. She bid her friend a goodbye and hurried her steps, a broad grin appearing as she neared her Remus. But as she saw him more clearly that grin faded, confusion growing, as she saw he appeared...off. She could be misinterpreting it, but having spent so much time with the bloke over the summer...Charlotte felt that she wasn't.

So she quickly wrapped her arms around him, leaning into him for support, and letting out a sigh as she gave him a squeeze. Whatever was going on - and it could be anything - they would figure it out.

   

[Remus Lupin]

He wasn't sure how long he had been standing there. He'd arrived earlier enough, far before students had begun to trickle out. But he was pacing, unable to stay in one place. He figured Charlotte would be arriving with Alex, and he wanted to do his best to put on a good face for her friend. He didn't think he could hide from Charlotte, but he'd rather her friends not worry about him as well. So he stopped pacing, and closed his eyes, taking as many deep breaths as he could. People walking by glanced at him strangely, but he didn't care. He wanted today to be perfect.

He heard familiar voices floating up the path, and he opened his eyes. He could see Charlotte and Alex walking, and he couldn't bring himself to smile. He was grateful as he saw Charlotte bid her friend farewell and start approaching him. But as she approached, a grin on her face, he watched it fade. Did he look that terrible? He figured he must have, by how she came to wrap her arms around him and pull him into a hug. He stood there blankly, taking a few moments before he wrapped his arm around her waist and pulled her closer. He needed to pull himself together, she deserved to have a good day.

He took a step back, stopping to lightly run his hand across her scar. The guilty pangs in his stomach returned, and so he leaned forward, placing a kiss on the scar before lowering his head to meet her lips for a moment. "You look lovely," he whispered as he rested his forehead against hers. He felt bad, as he had barely dressed himself. His pants were too short, which he liked to make up for fun colored socks. But his jumper had a hole and his jacket was the only somewhat presentable thing, as his mother had bought it for him as a gift towards the end of summer.

He pulled back from her, slipping his hand into hers. He wasn't going to think about any of it today. Not how he was dealing with Charlus and Dorea's death, not about the Order. He wasn't going to think about his friends being selfish and on high horses while he was struggling to get by. And he was certainly not going to think about the full moon. He was on edge as it was, terrified he would do something to hurt Charlotte because of his condition. The day of was always when he ended up breaking things by accident, minus the time he had broken the sink at the Potter's house. She had already been hurt by a wolf once, he wouldn't let it happen again.

"What did you want to do?" he asked, his voice hoarse and barely above a whisper.

[Charlotte Fudge]

There was a lull between her arms going around the young man she loved and his joining around her. Charlotte was accustomed to quiet time with Remus, times when one, the other, or both were caught up in their thoughts...but this felt wrong. She usually felt connected to him during those times, but here she felt a definite disconnect until he gripped her tightly. She'd seen him shocked before, grieving, at a loss...So as he stepped back from her slightly, tenderly touching her face, kissing her scar, her lips, she couldn't take her eyes off of him, trying to determine what was eating away at the core of him. She smiled slightly at his kind words, her fingers still twined behind his neck until he separated from her, taking her hand. She held on tightly, in her searching finding more scars than she remembered, dark circles under his eyes...

And his voice as he asked her what she wanted to do? As if he so wanted things to be fine - but did he expect her to ignore the obvious? That sound was squeezing at her heart, and Charlotte held onto him as she moved before him, finding his eyes. She shook her head slightly, not about to pretend.

"Remus, what's happened?" The words were quiet, wavering, as her worry came out.

[Remus Lupin]

She was searching his face, watching him closely. He wanted to turn away, to not let her see how the past few weeks had treated him. He didn't want to her to see him as a wreck. He needed to be strong, he had to protect her from everything at all costs. So he had gone to her side, trying to keep her from searching through his face even more. He saw the scars, the dark circles. Everytime he looked in a mirror he was reminded of what he was. He didn't need her to see it to.

But she pulled away, her eyes still searching his face. He turned away, looking to the ground after their eyes met. Today was supposed to be a good day, and here he was, bumming her out. As she spoke, he felt the tremor in her voice, cursing himself. He was ruining what was supposed to be the most perfect day. He wasn't going to have any of it. They could talk about the boys later, but for now he was going to make sure she had a good time.

"Nothing," he muttered, pulling away from her. He felt terrible, his tone was harsh. It wasn't the kind of person he wanted to be, but he suddenly wanted nothing to do with Charlotte. He was cursing himself for suggesting a date on this day. He should have claimed his mother had gotten really ill. She would have understood. "Let's go get some butterbeer," he added, taking her hand and walking away, pulling her with him.

[Charlotte Fudge]

Had it really only been a few handfuls of days since they'd seen each other? The Remus who was hiding his face from her wasn't the one she'd left at King's Cross. From the letters he'd sent Charlotte knew he wasn't doing extremely well, but that young man wouldn't have been evading her like this.

Or...speaking to her like this.

Not the Remus who'd written of his love for her, poured his heart onto those pieces of parchment. They lay in a tidy pile in her nightstand's drawer and were read regularly, always responded to promptly...

He'd always shown her respect, treated her as an equal, one of his own. She'd never been put down by him, spoken to as lesser. Like she couldn't tell that something - many things? - was troubling him deeply. In her heart, Char knew he didn't mean to sound as he had, but it had come out, and stung, and there was no denying it. Instead of pushing for answers as she wanted to, the girl felt herself shrinking as he pulled away from her, retreating inwards...detaching. As she had whenever Cole would go on a heated rant, when Violet would speak about her social life in lofty tones she knew the younger girl could overhear, when she could hear her parents fighting from rooms away...

That had been her means of self defense in the life she'd had before Remus had entered it. He had gotten her out of that habit, but it had lain latent, evidently, and she allowed herself to be pulled along by him uncomplainingly, unsure of what else to do but try to keep up with his long strides. Remus wouldn't...he was just having an off day. And didn't want to talk. She could worry, but not press - couldn't she?

But how long can you stay silent when someone you love is hurting?

    But how can you expect answers when he can't look at you?

The last thing she wanted to do was sit in a loud, crowded pub when he was upset. They should be finding a quiet place to decompress, not force themselves to act normal when they obviously were not. The words were on her tongue, fighting to get out, but she bit them back, so unsure of him at this point.

If he needed her to be quiet - just this time, not always - she could be.

Right?

Even if the words were fighting harder to escape as they neared the Broomsticks, trying out varying intonations in her mind, attempting to determine the best way out...

"We don't have to - we can go to Flourish and Blotts, or take a walk - " We don't need to do anything. It hadn't been the best arrangement of words, or the most calmly spoken, but she tried to find his eyes again, fighting through the wrongness of them today.

[Remus Lupin]

The guilt of his actions was going to eat him alive. He could tell she wasn't pleased with how he was acting, and she shouldn't have been pleased. He wasn't pleased with himself either. How hard was it for him to get it together? He could simply tell her that he'd fought with his friends, she would understand that. It wouldn't be a complete lie, and it might make him feel better. But it would require more of an explanation. How could he tell her he was angry at his friends for not liking their job because this was the only thing he could get? In her mind, he didn't have anything holding him back.

He knew the conversation was coming. She was bound to be suspicious at some point, if she already wasn't. It hadn't taken his friends long to notice what time of the month he started acting weird, what night he kept disappearing on. The scars, the gray hair, the emotions. All the signs of lycanthrophy were wildly present, if you looked for them. And she had to see them, she saw right through his terrible attempt to be have a good day.

If he had any sense, he would stop walking and apologize. It was weird, holding her hand and walking while they were both so stiff and uncomfortable. They'd never fought, they worked so well together. Remus sighed, knowing that his secrets were going to destroy everything he held dear. She loved him, she wouldn't be upset with him for keeping this a secret, right? Lily hadn't been mad at him for not telling her until their last year of school. Then again, Lily wasn't his girlfriend. Lily hadn't been hurt by a werewolf, she didn't have a permanent scar.

Charlotte had every right to be terrified of him, of what he was. He couldn't blame her if she walked away from their relationship when she learned the truth. He stopped short as she started to speak, letting go of her hand to turn and look at her. She didn't want to go to the Three Broomsticks, and he wasn't going to make her. He was still determined to have her have a good time.

"Which would you rather do? We can do whatever you want," he answered, his voice monotone. He sighed, shaking his head at his own words. "I just want you to have a good day."

[Charlotte Fudge]

He dropped her hand, and Charlotte’s heart began to race. What had happened to her sweet Remus? She’d only seen him off like this once before, about a month earlier. She’d dropped by his flat unannounced, but that had become a normality. She’d not thought much of it - he and his mates had been through the ringer with the loss of Dory, and with Charlus’ death so soon after, she shouldn’t be surprised that he was not up to his usual self today, and definitely didn’t blame him for it.

But that didn’t mean his words didn’t slice at her heartstrings. He was always trying for her. Always. As if he wasn’t enough for her, just as he was. Absurd, in her mind, as obviously he was more than enough for her, and she should be the one who worried.

"I know, sweetheart," she said quietly, giving his jumper a tug at the sleeve. She swallowed, meeting his eyes, forcing herself to continue. She cared too much for him to allow him to continue suffering alone. Char didn't know what she'd be able to do, but there had to be something. "I know. I want that for you too. But you've got to be honest with me for that. I bet I can help, if you let me. Will try my best, at least. You don't...you don't have to carry whatever it is alone."

(ooc: I swear happy Charmus tomorrow/Wednesday bahahaaaaa)

[Remus Lupin]

Remus was going to cry. He had cried in front of her before. When he found out about Dory's death, when she had been hurt at the wedding. When Charlus had died. But this was different. He had been vulnerable then, but this was a whole different level. He couldn't control anything about himself. He couldn't place what exactly was eating at his soul and causing him to be so rash. Was it his anger at his friends? Or perhaps the lack of the Wolfsbane Potion was finally starting to affect him more than he realized. Combine either one of those with his heightened senses and just overall pre-moon moodiness, and it was a recipe for disaster.

A recipe that was slowly unfolding in front of him as the love of his life was whispering to him, gently pulling on his jumper. She looked so sad, so hurt. And Remus felt a rage building up inside of him, this time directed at himself. He'd let her get hurt, and now he was hurting her. What kind of boyfriend was he? A terrible one, that's what. He stared at her as her words penatrated his thoughts, not sure of what answer he could give her. He wanted to tell her, at least about James and Sirius. But how he could he truly explain how upset he was without revealing everything?

He wasn't sure how long he had been staring into her eyes, but he was aware that years were starting to leak from his face. He stepped back, wiping his eyes on his sleeve. Fantastic, now he was crying like a child. He cursed under his breath, turning to walk away from her. Once he put a few feet between them, he turned to glance back at her, unsure of what he was going to say. "Just leave it Charlotte. Everything is fine, let's just go do something. What do you want to do? You still haven't answered the question and I'm here to see you so just pick something."

Well, you're a bloody idiot.

He wanted to apologize for his words, for his harsh tone, but the sweet things he wanted to say and the apologies he felt wouldn't spring to his lips. He was lashing out and she was completely innocent but he couldn't stop himself. He opened his mouth, trying to force the word sorry from his lips. It wouldn't come, and he stared down at the ground, not bothering to stop the tears as they started to fall.

[Charlotte Fudge]

Never had Char seen him so worked up. As he stared at her - staring but unseeing, mind tied in problems unknown to her - Charlotte waited, breaths shallow, for him to speak. Tears welled and fell, rolling unsteadily over his scarred cheeks - an avenue she’d rarely tried to cross, the history of those scars - and in realizing this he moved from her, spitting a curse and wiping his eyes in vain. She watched him carefully, forcing her feet to stay where they were, but at his words…

It was as if she’d lost her footing on the trick staircase to the fourth floor, half of her lopsidedly stuck in the stone, her stomach turning, breath gone, as her view of the world suddenly shifted. The words were sharp, accusatory, and the hurt of them showed all too plainly on her features.

But on his as well.

She couldn’t think, Remus looking at her like that, and she needed to think. So she averted her eyes from his, rather wishing she’d left her hair down so it could shield her in this moment. She felt more than heard other students giving the awkward pair a wide berth, laughter quieting as they were neared, odd looks surely coming their way. But Char couldn’t be bothered to care about what others might be thinking, too caught up in trying to make sense of this abrupt turn.

"Boys will use you, Charlotte," Cole had said so confidently, coolly, as he looked at her over the top of his beloved Seeker Weekly. The two were sitting on the porch of their home, summer before her sixth year, and the day was bright, calm. Not all boys are like you, not all of them treat girls how you do, she’d thought but hadn’t said, vaguely nodding into her book and hoping he wouldn’t press her for more agreement than that. "I’m serious - they’re cleverer, meaner, than you give them credit," he’d pressed on. "They’ll use you, hurt you, and leave you - all before you know what’s happened."

She’d not believed him, but had not contradicted him. She knew the world was full of all kinds, and one couldn’t be so heavy handed in dolling out generalizations. There were girls crueler than boys, boys crueler than girls, and the same was seen with kindness. It was the person, not their sex, that determined generosity - or lack thereof - of heart.

And Remus had never been the sort of boy she’d been warned about. Not even when he’d been upset with her last month.

And she knew he regretted these words, and how they’d come out - but he was trying too hard, trying painfully hard, and it was more than evident. He needed to accept that this wasn’t the day he’d planned it to be. It simply wasn’t, and that was that. And she wanted little more than for it to be - she’d thought it’d be a happy day, one for them to reconnect, but something in the air was not letting that happen. She took a steadying breath before looking up to find him, and her heart ached, leaping from her chest and to him, as she saw Remus so downtrodden. He was looking at the ground as if he wished a hole would open to swallow him up, tears still falling. She took another breath, took a step towards him, and hoped that whatever came out of her wouldn’t make this worse.

"Every day can’t be a good day, Remus. You can’t force this one to be." A large part of the girl hated herself for giving him this sort of tough love when she just wanted to go to him, but Charlotte fell back to being realistic as she tried to keep her emotions in check for the two of them. His words, however much regretted, had left their sting. She continued, words running into each other as she fumbled through them. "But we work better than this," she continued earnestly. "We can make this better - because everything is not fine, please don’t tell me it is and expect me to buy it. If it was, you wouldn’t be like this, and we both know it."

She paused, this sort of talk not coming naturally, and coming too sharp or too gentle in all the wrong moments. Steeling herself for her next, because it had to come, Charlotte willed her heart to steady, but she was more than apprehensive for his response. She was not prone to much fear, but she was afraid of going too far, and losing him by it. It’d been months since she’d feared losing him, and coming back to that fear was disorienting in and of itself.

Gryffindor courage usually lay in wait with her, but it was fueling her persistence now, and she hoped dearly that she wasn’t making a mistake."You want me to pick something for us to do?" Taking another step closer, Charlotte continued, nerves and worry causing her voice to waver again, hating the words as she spoke them but feeling them necessary all the same. He was crying. She should be holding him up, not pushing him. But she couldn’t stop. "I pick this. Whatever this is. This comes first. You don’t need to tell me everything - but - we can’t - we can’t fool ourselves into believing that all is well. You can trust me, Remus. You know you can." Her voice had faded to a whisper by her end as Charlotte fought back tears of her own, because what if he didn’t?

[Remus Lupin]

He couldn't remember the last time he had been upset about something this stupid. Yes, James and Sirius had said some choices phrases but Dumbledore had complimented Remus for putting them in their place. And he knew that they felt incredibly guilty about their words. But it wasn't making anything better. He'd been exhausted yesterday, and he was just as tired today. Potionless and tired, he felt like he was becoming an uncontrollable monster that was going to hurt someone.

Especially with Charlotte looking at him like that. His words had hurt her, it was very apparent in her face. Not to mention, it hadn't occurred to them in just how public of a place they were. People who were walking by were giving them sideways glances. Fantastic, not only was he having a terrible day but Charlotte was going to have to deal with her friends telling her he was a terrible boyfriend and she was going to break up with him.

The thought slipped through his mind and his heart felt like it fell out of his chest. He had seen what losing someone you loved you to do, not only with the loss of Dory and Charlus, but when Daisy had left Peter. They'd been so close to being together for four years. And while he didn't know all the details, he knew what a wreck Peter had been. He needed to apologize to Charlotte, before she could go tell Daisy and then his entire life would be over.

But here she was, taking steps towards him and he froze, his brain not ready to accept the fact that he was the one being unreasonable in this situation. She was sweet and innocent and he was a terrible person. But where he had thought she was going to say something sweeter than he deserved, she was showing tough love, and it wasn't something he had been prepared for.

"Everything is fine," he hissed, his tone changing from one of sadness to one of anger. How could she sit there and tell him that today was not going to be a good day? It was their day to spend together and it was going to be good. It had to be. He took a step back, crossing his arms to shield himself from her. She had been his rock when he had lost his people he considered family over the summer. He needed sympathy and understanding, not to be told he was doing something wrong.

He shook his head had at her, not accepting her choice. He wanted to trust her, he wanted everything to be fine. But he couldn't stop the words from spilling out his mouth, "You want to do this? You want to sit here and discuss how absolutely terrible my day was yesterday? Then fine. I have two friends with their heads so far up their asses they can't see that everyone else is hurting. They can't understand that they have everything good in life going for them and sit there and whine and complain because their not getting promoted." He was snapping at her, his words falling from clenched teeth. "And then my other best friend, Peter, you remember him? The one who dedicated everything he had to Daisy and she broke his damn heart and he's been upset. And I get to sit there and watch and do nothing for him because he doesn't need us he needs her and you're still sitting there being her friend."

He stopped, realizing for the first time that she had tears in the corners of her eyes. He sighed, rubbing his hands on his face, "Char…"

[Charlotte Fudge]

Charlotte watched apprehensively as Remus...changed. She was being selfish, standing her ground like this, but she couldn't not and why was he so intent on persisting this lie? He needed a good day, that much was certain, but they could hardly have one when he had so much pent up inside that he wasn't willing to share. He could see that, couldn't he? Even in thinking this, the Gryffindor couldn't stop the hurt from his words, angry echoes of those that she had so clearly asked him not to say, and that he was moving away from her, arms around himself defensively.

What are you trying to do to this boy, Charlotte? He's suffering, obviously, and you're only making this worse.

    But...what if this is an it-has-to-get-worse-before-it-gets-better situation? I've said too much to take back, and I meant it all. We'll make time, later...I'll make it up to him, he'll see we needed this -

It was as if she'd knocked down the floodgates, the way he suddenly was letting all of the information pour out of him, wash over her, threaten to knock her down and drag her away. It was coming so quickly, rushing, that she did her best to keep hold of everything she could, but Char knew she was missing things. Yesterday had been awful, James and Sirius were being self-involved, namely about their jobs - but had he expected her to stop her friendship with her best friend? 

The young man she loved cut himself off as abruptly as he'd started, her name a plaintive note from his lips, after all of that, which only made her tears hasten. She gave her eyes a frustrated swipe, willing away the tears that had gathered. This was no time to start crying - if she let herself go, then they both would have, and she could at least do this, not let him see her break down. Couldn't she?

As thankful as Char was that he had opened up...that didn't make this any easier to go into. She took a breath, trying to separate enough from her emotions to 1) stop those cursed tears and 2) look at this logically. That would help all of this, wouldn't it? She could let this out later, but for now, for him, she needed...

"Yes, Remus - I do want to talk about these things," she said, taking a steadying breath before meeting his eyes. "I love you," she said firmly, "and I plan to be with you quite a while, so there's going to be goods and bads for both of us. I'm sorry that yesterday was one of the bads - truly, I am." Voice softening, she took a step towards him, hoping that he'd not move back. "It can't be easy, hearing all of them hurting, complaining, when you're processing everything as well. And I've a friend who's hurting too - and I won't deny that she broke Peter's heart, but she broke hers in the process. This wasn't an easy thing for her to decide, but she couldn't handle his staying in the - the -  you-know-what, and none of us can blame her for that. Anything could happen, Remus - and if she knows now that she can't handle something like James and Lily's again, can't handle imagining him being put into battle - "

Realizing she was getting heated again, caught up in memories of her own thoughts, of picturing Remus pitted against those faceless, nameless villains, Charlotte cut herself off, looking down to compose herself again. She continued more quietly, "We can't fault her for that. She didn't know going into the relationship that he would end up...doing what he's going to do. And it's horrible that they're done, but if she's not up for it, then it's better now than later, isn't it?" She neared him again, hands balled in the long sleeves of her cardigan, hoping she hadn't just ruined everything. "I'm sorry you've been carrying all this, it can't be easy to bear."

[Remus Lupin]

There was a part of Remus that was hoping tonight didn't go well. Perhaps he wouldn't be in control, and James and Sirius could knock him down a few pegs, cause him a little pain. It wasn't as if the two of them hadn't even hurt him before while he was a wolf. Sometimes it was necessary, and he most certainly deserved a few bumps and bruises the way he kept acting. Then again, those nights didn't exactly end well for the boys either and if James got hurt Lily was going to murder him. Although he knew Charlotte and Lily talked, perhaps he'd already sealed his death. Lily was going to give a hard time for being so cruel to Charlotte. That much he was sure of.

It didn't help that all the apologies and sweet words he wanted to say were on the tip of his tongue. He wanted them to come pouring out, to make everything about this situation better. But every time he opened his mouth he just screwed up things even worse. But Charlotte was wiping tears from her eyes and he needed to comfort her. Everything in his body was screaming at him to go to her, to take her into his arms and stroke her head and just apologize, dammit.

He was screwing up his entire life, but maybe it was for the best. He couldn't possibly be happy, not like everyone else was. Everyone else could settle down, have families, and spend their days drinking tea while curled up on couches watching their legacy continue. Not him, he couldn't do that. The risk was too high, and while he wanted to be the one at the Christmas party chasing a kid around, he couldn't ever do that. Not when they could suffer in life just as much as he had.

But when she said that she loved him, the words cut like a knife. He wanted to tell her he loved her every day, and the first time he'd managed to get the words out was because she'd been hurt by a monster. The same sort of monster that was stirring inside him, waiting for the moon to be unleashed. He forced himself to hear her words, forced himself not to step back as she approached him. But the anger began to stir again, how could she defend that girl? She hadn't seen what it had done to Peter.

"I'm supposed to accept that as an answer? He's risking his life to protect our world, to protect her. And she feels the need to destroy him in the process," he spat the words out, frustrated that she was defending Daisy. After all, if she truly believed Daisy hadn't done anything wrong, how could he trust her. If his job in the Order was that big of a deal, how could he trust that Charlotte wasn't going to walk away at any moment and use the same excuse? Especially with Daisy constantly around, probably telling Charlotte to leave.

"You say you plan to be with me for a while, but how can I believe you? She left him, and you think she's right to do so. He's a good person, he's spent years making her happy and you have no idea what he's done for me. And he's not even a wer-" he cut himself short, eyes widening. Had he really almost just outed his secret to her? That would have been bloody brilliant. Sure, tell her that Peter isn't a werewolf, that's the best way to tell your girlfriend that you're a monster.

He scowled, looking down at her in anger, "You don't understand. And you never will."

[Charlotte Fudge]

For too much of her short life, Charlotte had judged her worth by her academic aptitudes. She was a fast learner from books and professors alike, articulate in her written and oral responses in class. This isn't to say she didn't work hard - Char put in her effort, often going above and beyond to make the work more interesting to herself.

It was rare - or perhaps this was the first time - that she'd been told she didn't understand something. That she never would.

Whatever was going on, if he would just tell her more about it, she was quite sure she was capable of understanding, thanks. He was still holding back, that was evident from how quickly he'd cut himself off. And at the end of this they may not be in agreement, but they should be able to understand where the other was coming from.

"You can believe me, Remus, because I've made that decision," she said evenly as she could, although the feelings roiling within her were making this increasingly difficult, and her voice broke soon after. "I'm not under the illusion that things are going to be easy - you doing what you do, my having to be here. A-all the unknowing about everything - " The girl cut herself off, crossing her arms and worrying at the edges of her sleeves, trying to regain the calm that was usually so easy for her to emit. After a few moments she continued, although the pause hadn't done her much good. "But I am accepting that that's part of this. And you - you are worth it to me."

It wasn't often that Charlotte let out thoughts like this, even though she'd been trying to be more open with him about her feelings as the summer progressed. It was bloody uncomfortable to be this vulnerable - especially as your significant other was royally pissed for reasons apparently beyond your understanding. It'll be worth it, it will...

She shook her head, anxious fingers at dangling threads again, before she continued. "And I'd never say anything badly about Peter. I don't know him as well as you, of course, but from what I've experienced over the years he's nothing but a good man. And he deserves someone who's going to be with him through all of this - I wish she was it, but Daisy doesn't believe she can be that person, and she can't be forced. It's ungodly difficult for now, but they'll be better for it later." Merlin, how she hoped she was right...

[Remus Lupin]

Was it really that hard for him to say that he was sorry? It was too simple words, and he knew it would start to fix things. It would take more than the words at this point, he knew that. But he emotions were a roller coaster and he couldn't find it in himself to start letting this go. Especially when she was being so pushy. He loved her courage, it was one of the many things that made him fall for her. When the two fo them had confronted Cole and told him the truth, the way she had shut her brother down. It had made him feel amazing.

But right now her determination and courage was annoying him, and he just wanted her to let him be. Especially with the words she was saying, he felt incredibly guilty for how angry he was with every single word she spoke. But if she would just stop and let him take her somewhere, just let him give her a good day it would be so simple to get over it.

"I don't want your pity," he hissed, unsure of where that word had come from. "I've been dealing with these sort of things my whole life, I'm very well aware that my happiness isn't a possibilty. But to sit there and lie to me, to tempt me with a future I can't have. You will leave, I know you will." He blinked back the tears that were burning his eyes. He didn't want to believe his words, but how could he not? Charlotte had her whole life ahead of her and he wasn't going to let her sacrifice it just because she felt bad for the lonely little werewolf.

He couldn't deal with the pity she would show, he couldn't deal with the looks he was going to get. Dumbledore was going to send him to find the pack, and then everyone he worked with would know. And the feelings of sympathy would be all over their faces. He hated that, the way people looked at him when they found out. He had survived this far, he could get by just fine. Even if that meant being alone.

"As for Daisy, you can say what you will. But Peter didn't deserve that, he's doing what's right. I wouldn't be surprised if she was just over him and wanted to be free so she could spend time with Arnie. Would be real kind of her to try and get in between him and Doe, since she seems to love crushing my friends."