An Unfortunate Argument | September 16 | (Charlotte)

[Charlotte Fudge]

Charlotte Meyers very much felt that she had skipped ahead a few chapters by accident, or was missing a major plot point.

Somewhere along the text of their story, had there been one, hints must have been dropped that, if she could go back and reread, would allow this to all make sense. A first read was cursory, really - you could get the overall storyline, the main characters, remember a few key lines of dialogue, but that was about it. A second and third read allowed you to keep digging deeper, understanding nuances, seeing subtle shifts in character development that you hadn’t noticed before.

But all the girl would be able to do in the coming days was try and sift through her memories for clues, which was unfortunately much more difficult to do than annotate an already earmarked favorite book.

Because where had he gotten that she was pitying him? What sorts of things had he been dealing with - why couldn’t he be happy, have a future with her? Why would he say she would leave when she was trying to show him she wouldn’t? How could he be so upset when they had always been so happy together? The words sliced at her, because how had she not known he was feeling this way? It pained her to see such pain in him, and she felt at such a loss, because how could she make this right?

The words about Daisy were hurtful, but so incredibly off the mark that Char couldn't believe that this was what he was really thinking. They'd - they'd talk about Peter and Daisy another time, because obviously he wasn't in a place, for whatever reason, to discuss them rationally. Because was this the crux of what was bothering him? Thinking that she would suddenly drop him?

That was something she could focus on, and hopefully amend.

"Remus, I'm not lying. I'm not going to leave you." She met his teary eyes with her own, and although he was in this place of anger and frustration, a place she didn't know he could go - he was still hers, as she was his. They would get through this, she had to believe they would.

"I don't - I don't know where all this is coming from, but I can promise you that." She looked to her boots as her tears finally spilled over. Worry that she had pushed him too far, that he'd not have her after this, that she could be so unaware of his problems - it had become too much to contain. Char gave her eyes a tired wipe with her sleeve, just wanting to go to him, but he was so upset and unpredictable at this moment, and she honestly didn't know if she could bear him not pulling her in.

[Remus Lupin]

Remus, in the part of his mind that was still able to process normal human thoughts in this moment, knew he was being completely irritational. She had never indicated that she would leave, in fact, she was standing in front of him assuring him that she had every intention of staying. That while it was going to be hard, she was going to work through things with him because she loved him. Why couldn't he listen to that part of his brain? The sweet, sensible, human side. It could fix this whole situation and then perhaps they could still have a sweet day.

But the wolf side, the angry and bitter side of his mind that he kept locked away every day of the month that he could. That side wouldn't listen. That side looked at the girl standing in front of him, crying and in pain. And it didn't even feel the least bit guilty because why should he? After all she didn't know the truth and she wouldn't accept it. Sure, she thought lycanthropes were people but that didn't mean she would give up her hopes and dreams to spend the rest of her life dealing with rough transformations and partner who was going to look ancient by the time he was 30.

So as her eyes met his and he saw the tears, a battle raged in his mind. The boy and the wolf, a battle for the right to say words to fix this whole situation instead of ruining it more. And while it wasn't ideal, when she finally let go and started to cry, Remus took his chance. He took a breath, stepping forward to wrap her in a hug, placing his lips on the top of her head. "Please don't cry," he whispered hoarsely, his voice broken and bitter from what he had done to her.

"I can't give you answers right now, I don't want this. I don't want to argue and have a bad day, but I can't stop right now. So maybe it's best if you go find Alex or Daisy, you deserve a nice day off," he added, regretting his words. He wanted her to hold him, to find a place to relax and forget about the day. But he wasn't sure how much longer he could hold back the anger that was still stirring inside.

"Please, we can't discuss this anymore. There's too much you will never understand."

[Charlotte Fudge]

As if he could read her thoughts, Remus was there, taking her into his arms. She leaned into him, closing her eyes to bury her tearful face in the front of his familiar nubby jumper, her own arms finding their way around him within moments. Charlotte was not prone to crying, able to keep herself in check most of the time - the only tears shed before in front of him at the attack, and that was a reaction purely out of the physical pain of it - but at his heartfelt plea for her to stop, it only became worse. He asks you for so little and you can't do this? Frustrated at herself, at all of this, she tried to quiet her crying as he spoke; and although this was leaving her with more questions than answers, she gave a nod as he finished. Char let out a long breath, trying to calm herself, and loosened her grip on him slightly to lean back, see him properly.

"I'm sorry, Rem, for pushing - I am. I didn't mean to make things...I just feel so useless when I don't know." She let go of him with a hand to give her eyes a wipe, letting out a tired sigh. Arguing was turning out to be exhausting. "As - as for today, I was thinking we'd go to Poe's, but I understand if some space would be better." The bookshop was one of her favorite places, and maybe it would help them to calm down.

[Remus Lupin]

Remus was glad she leaned into him, and hugged her tighter as he felt her arms wrap around him. He held her quietly, letting her take the time she needed to calm down. He was being rash still, he shouldn't have asked her not to cry. Especially not when he was the one that had caused the tears. As she pulled back, he moved his hands to her neck, holding her face as he looked down at her. It was streaked with tears, and the guilt he felt was starting to eat at him. He used a hand to brush away the last of her tears, and rested his forehead against hers.

"Don't apologize, this isn't your fault. None of this is your fault," he answered, choking back tears of his own. None of this was her fault, but he couldn't tell her why. He needed a lie, a reason out of this. "I'm on edge. Work, my mom, my friends...this isn't your fault. It's mine. I've been putting up a front. Please don't blame yourself." He pulled her back into a hug, holding her tight. He was beginning to fear that if he let her go that he might never see her again.

But he couldn't hold her forever, and today was not going to end up well if he stayed with her like this. He couldn't hold back much longer, and that wasn't fair. So he took a few steps back from her, and gave a sigh. "Go find Daisy or Alex, have a good day. I'll write to you."

[Charlotte Fudge]

Whatever words had been said between the pair, the way he held her reassured her more than anything that they would be all right. That he truly wasn’t upset with her, but with the other situations that he’d touched on. That he still loved her, and was simply...dealing. Dealing with things beyond her control, apparently. You need to let it go. You trust him, don’t you? If he needs to do whatever this is himself…

    Even if he’s obviously miserable? I’m supposed to let -

He’ll come to you when you need to know. You need to respect whatever privacy he needs.

But she’d meant what she said - she felt useless without knowing the issues. Useless. Restless. Curious. Apprehensive. It was knowing you were going to miss the bottom step as you approached it, but having no choice in the matter.

It wasn’t going to be a forever of not-knowing.

Her efforts to dry her eyes hadn’t gone well or unnoticed, and Remus’ rough hands were gentle on her neck, her cheeks, to calm and comfort her, even as he seemed so close to breaking as well. His forehead was against hers, voice thick as he tried to steady himself as well, the pair of them teetering on the edge of...whatever this precipice was. Both trying to not fall, not push the other down. Charlotte’s eyes closed as he spoke, his regret and guilt more than evident in his words. It worried her more than she could say that he’d been pretending to be all right - For how long? - but she couldn't bring herself to ask, not when he was being honest about needing to be done with this for now.

The girl hugged him back for as long as he held onto her, the comfort of his arms much more steadying than his words, but didn't protest as he backed up. She gave a nod to his suggestion and promise, and as brave a smile as she could.

But she didn't want to say goodbye. Not when she didn't even know when she'd see him again.

Whatever the issues, this would be so much simpler if he was still in school.

So she hesitated, trying to figure something out that would be satisfactory in bringing some sort of resolution to all this.

Nothing more to say, is there?

She gave him a slight wave, another forced smile, and turned her feet towards Poe's. Charlotte didn’t much like walking away from him, but she was doing what she had to do. They couldn’t talk any more, as more talking would just lead to more arguing - or worse. She had no intention of finding her friends, feeling the need for time alone to process what had just happened, and knowing her friends...Daisy had been dealing with the break-up with Peter rather as expected, which was to say not well. It had been incredibly difficult for her to make that choice, and Char had tried to be as supportive as possible, not let her own worries impede upon her friend's suffering. Daisy...didn't need to know about this fight. Not right now. And Alex...Charlotte usually enjoyed the distractions that Alex brought her, but she needed to truly think.

Whatever stresses Remus currently had, acting like this was still extraordinarily out of character, and there had to be more underlying causes. She felt she’d alleviated - hopefully for more than the now - his fear of her leaving him, but the girl had an uneasiness that there was much more to his being “on edge” than that, or even his difficulties with his friends, the losses of the Potters...so she did make her way to the bookshop, if only for a quiet place to hide away, undisturbed in her twisting thoughts of the day's events and the knowledge gained, until it was time to head back to the castle.

[Remus Lupin]

He should have admitted to Lily that he wasn't doing well. That he needed help trying to make the Wolfsbane Potion. Perhaps she would have been able to help him make the potion, to show him where exactly he was going wrong. It was a complex potion, and he knew he wouldn't be able to make it. And while it was simply to make him calm during the moon, he wondered if he would have helped improve his mood during this day, at least.

He didn't want to let her go, but he felt her start to pull away. His mind was begging him to ask her to stay, to not let him spend the rest of the day by himself. If she walked away he knew he was simply going to return to the Hogshead and sit at the bar, moping and hating himself. He could fix this, he could control the wolf, couldn't he?

He let her go, giving her a forced smile and a wave as she walked away. He couldn't stop the tears as he watched her back, forcing a hand up to his face to brush them away. His secret, it was destroying them. His entire life was in pieces on the ground because he couldn't keep it together. No, he needed to not spend time alone. He was angry at his friends, but he needed somone who could keep him from going off the deep end right now.



So he turned on his heels and walked away, his mind set on finding anyone who could make him forget what he had just done.