Broken - Hog's Head - Sept 16 | Peter

[Remus Lupin]

16 September 1977

Remus was not having a good day, and it was entirely his fault. He was supposed to be hanging out with Charlotte, enjoying some tea and their favorite bookstore. But he couldn't hold his tongue, and she had left to return to the castle. There was still a couple hours of daylight left, and Remus was getting ancy about the full moon. He would need to leave in plenty of time to be in the Shrieking Shack before the moon was in the sky. But that gave him enough time to keep drinking.

The firewhiskey burned his throat, and he winced as he sat the glass back down. He wasn't much of a drinker, and particularly not a drinker of firewhiskey. But the situation called for something more than tea, and so Remus had sat himself down at the Hogs Head, waiting for the appearance of on his friends to let him know that it was the time to go.

He had hoped that at least Peter would have still been at the tavern, after all, it wasn't like he had Daisy to spend time with today. But when he had arrived, none of his friends were to be found. Remus looked back down at his glass. It was only his second drink, and that was mostly because he found it difficult to force the vile liquid down. But he did wonder if it was the best idea. He no longer had his potion, and he had never transformed with the boys without it. How would the alcohol affect the wolf? These were questions he hadn't bothered to consider before sitting down in the corner.

He picked up the glass again, draining the last of the liquid in one go. He coughed at the taste, letting the glass rest in his hand. Charlotte would be angry with his choices right now.

[Peter Pettigrew]

Peter wandered aimlessly around Hogsmead, his mind far away from the quaint little village. His heart was still beating particularly fast, and his brain seemed to be mushy, his thoughts fogged. Daisy had always had this effect on him. Maybe it was a little bit of her and a little bit of the shock from seeing her. It was unexpected.


He hadn’t realized exactly how much he missed her until she was pressed close to his body and he was able to remember the feeling he got when she was near. Peter ran a hand through his mused hair, when he had left this morning he had combed it perfectly, and now it was sticking up at odd angles. His face probably had that dazed expression that only Daisy could give him and he knew his lips were red and swollen from the heat of their passion.


Peter smiled, man he had missed her. But it was all wrong, she was confused, and she was confusing him in the process. She had the most insane reason for their split up, her fear had driven her away, and he didn’t think that had changed. So why were they snogging like they hadn’t seen each other in years? Why wasn’t she avoiding him like the plague? Why did she even want to be near him? Why? He was so confused. But not complaining, something was better than nothing, and no one fed his arousal like Daisy did.

 

He sighed, pushing the door open to the Hog’s Head and spotting his best mate easily. How was he going to concentrate tonight, he needed to be on his game for Remus. He held up a hand to the barman who brought him a butterbeer. Peter stared at it for a while before taking a long sip followed by a groan of frustration. He was so confused! He turned to his friend, his brows drawing together in further confusion. He was just clueless today. “Fire-whiskey Moony?”

[Remus Lupin]

It took Remus a while to realize there was someone standing in front of him, and that the someone in front of him had actually spoken to him. Looking up, he eyed Peter for a few moments, before setting his glass of firewhiskey down on the table in front of him. He wanted to answer his friends question, but he had to admit he had a few questions of his own. Peter looked a tad disheveled at the moment, like he'd been snogging someone.

Daisy, or another girl? If it was someone knew, he almost felt bad for Daisy after the conversation he had just had with Charlotte. But if it had been Daisy, that put everything into a different perspective. Realizing that he still hadn't answered the question, he gave a sharp nod. "Yes, Wormtail. Firewhiskey. Because today is possibly one of the worst days of my life. And thus, firewhiskey." He knew what he had said hardly made sense, but he wasn't sure if he was entirely ready to get into the type of day he had just experience. 

He leaned forward, resting his elbows on the table and pointed at the chair across from him. "Although judging from your appearance, I'm not the only one who has had an interesting day. Care to sit and talk about it?" Surely, Peter's story would be far more interesting. And Peter wasn't one of the guys who had chosen to be passive aggressive towards Dumbledore the day before.  He really was the least of Remus' stresses at the moment, and with how crazy the summer had been, they had hardly had a chance to talk. Perhaps Peter could provide some insight into Remus' argument with Charlotte. 

[Peter Pettigrew]

Firewhiskey, because of a bad day. In the grand scheme of things it was rather simple he thought. Not very informative but clear and to the point; nothing about today had been so, it was rather refreshing, he remembered he liked his best mate very much. Though Peter wondered what had made Moony’s day so bad that he needed the strong stuff. He decided he would let the bloke stew for a bit longer and drink his butterbeer before really broaching the subject.

Maybe that would give him some time to sort out his own thoughts. All to soon Remus was speaking again and Peter blinked at his friend, he must have zoned out, half his drink was gone and he had no recollection of consuming it. “I saw Daisy.” He said with a sigh. The mousy hair boy had intended to explain himself but all that came out was “I saw Daisy.” There he had said it again, like it needed repeating. Then he smiled quite suddenly and very stupidly and he got a feeling he couldn’t describe.

He had seen Daisy. He couldn’t process it further at the moment and found he had been staring at the barkeep without even seeing him. He looked down, his drink was dry, and so he called for another. Peter turned to his friend, needing to focus on something else. He didn’t look so good, and he couldn’t help but worry. He reached over and clapped his friend on the back. “What’s up Moony?”

[Remus Lupin]

He knew he shouldn't have been so harsh with his words, but Peter didn't seem to catch on to the anger that was behind his voice. Instead his friend simply accepted his answer. At least, that was how it seemed. It was likely that Peter would eventually ask again, but at least Remus would have time to gather his thoughts. Just like he was letting Peter do, as the silence fell between him.

But he had to break the silence, and Remus was quite glad he did when he heard Peter's answer. Peter had seen Daisy, and Remus felt a pang of guilt when he saw Peter smile. It was the smile that only Daisy could give Peter, and he had been so mean to Charlotte about her best friend. Daisy wasn't taking the break-up any easier, he knew that much from talking to Charlotte about it after it had happened. Why had he been so cruel? Peter would be upset if he knew what Remus had said.

He was pulled out of his thoughts however by Peter asking him a question, and he sighed, running a hand through his hair as he sat his drink down on the bar. "Well, I'm not having a good day. Moon and all tonight, you know? I'm on edge and I took it out on Charlotte. She still doesn't know about my...condition. And we got into a fight. Not a huge one, but still, we've never fought before."

He looked up at Peter, shaking his head as he replayed his conversation with Charlotte over in his head. "But you saw Daisy, how did that go? Are you two working things out?"

[Peter Pettigrew]

Sometimes it bothered Peter, the way other people saw his best mate. Sure Remus was an awesome bloke, with a big heart, and a brilliant mind; he was also prone to moodiness, messiness, and all manner of self-hatred. Like he was now. Most people only saw the ‘nice’ side of Moony; he was one of the lucky few that truly knew the man opposite him. If people knew the real Remus, Peter was convinced they would adore him even more.

Remus of course disagreed. In other news, these days were notoriously bad days for the chap, it was part of Peter’s job to help cheer him up; so he ordered another round and looked to his down in the dumps friend. “What did you fight about? I mean if it wasn’t big you shouldn’t stress about it. With everything else stressing small things won’t help anyone. We have bigger things to deal with tonight.” That sounded bad, like Charlotte wasn’t important. “What I mean is…well…what did you fight about again?”

Oh Merlin he had to do better than this! He was just so caught up with Daisy, he wasn’t thinking straight. And Remus was only adding to his growing obsession with his longtime ex-girlfriend. “I don’t know mate! That’s just the thing, I don’t know.” Wildly he gestured with his hands at nothing at all; he simply couldn’t express his frustration well enough. “We didn’t talk about anything, we didn’t try to work it out we just snogged. Now I’m more confused than ever. Like will she take me back, does she want to be with me? I mean I know she is attracted to me but what does it mean?”

Peter looked to his friend imploringly, hoping the other boy could explain the events of the day to him. He hung his head, frustrated and tired with the whole situation. “You should tell her.” He said contemplatively, not understanding what he was meaning even as he spoke. “If you want to keep Charlotte you should tell her about your furry little problem, otherwise she might leave you anyway.”

[Remus Lupin]

The Marauders had an unbreakable bond, all four of them. But James and Sirius - they always got each other in a way that sometimes Remus didn't. But where he missed out on situations with them, there had always been Peter, often times just as confused as Remus. Peter simply understood him, even when he wasn't directly saying what was up. And so Remus held no surprise when Peter ordered another round, and gave his friend a nod.

And as Peter stumbled over his words, doing his best to talk things through, Remus gave him an appreciative smile. Remus wasn't entirely sure if he wanted to talk about things, but bottling it up wouldn't do any good. It was evident with how Sirius and James were bottling their emotions since their parents had died...it just wasn't good. So he gave a sigh, running a hand through his hair. "I don't even know mate. I'm just...in a mood. On edge. James and Sirius being down right prats yesterday didn't help, you know? They could have any job in the world and they chose this, just like us. There's no need for their attitude. So you know, I was already annoyed with that." Remus paused, taking a moment to take a sip of the new drink that arrived at the table.

"I was just on edge and I didn't think. She could tell I was off and I just, went off," Remus shook his head as the conversation came flooding back. "Yelled at her about them, yelled at her about Daisy. Told her I didn't believe that she would stay with me..."

Remus was glad for the shift in conversation, even if it was about a person he had just put down. Daisy was a sweetheart, and she was hurting. He did know that, even if he didn't want to believe it. He watched as Peter gestured wildly, trying to put sense of everything that had happened. Remus gave a shrug, not having any answers. "Charlotte said that Daisy isn't over you, cries all the time. But I don't have an answer for you, wish I did mate."

A brief silence feel between them, and Remus stared down into his drink, trying to pull himself together. He didn't want to cry in front of Peter, didn't want to deal with this today. He had a transformation tonight, the first one he'd ever had been with the guys without the Wolfsbane potion. That was what he needed to be worrying about. But Peter's words made his eyes snap up to his friends, his breath hitching in his throat. "I can't-Peter-I...I know. I know you are right. But I can't just let that kind of secret out, I can't just say it."

[Peter Pettigrew]

Pete may have been a bumbling fool,but  he was supremely shell shocked still. Daisy did things to him. She drove him crazy when he was with her and it seemed, he was raving mad without her. Remus, however, seemed to only need a proper invitation to unload what all was weighting on his mind. He wanted to tell his best mate that their other best mates could be right piles of dung sometimes and to not let them get him down. He wanted to say that the animosity would wash away and things would go back to normal soon enough. But the words, thick like molasses, stuck in his throat.

Things were changing. There were no guarantees. Peter was drawn back to his friend, his brows knitting together as Remus spoke of yelling about Daisy. He took a long swig, weighing what he thought about that. He decided he was not informed enough to form an opinion or whether Remus yelling about Daisy was good or bad for him. “What were you saying about Daisy?” Peter asked seriously though his words were coming out a little sluggish, his voice was carefully guarded. If Remus had messed something up for him…

He gave his mousy head a shake, she couldn’t blame him for something he had no hand in right? All he wanted was to have her back he couldn’t take it if his best mate ran her off. Said best mate was redeeming himself however and Peter looked at him sharply. “Does she? Over me?” he asked, wanting to believe that Daisy still loved him. He wanted to believe this was just some girl thing she was going through, something he couldn’t understand. Breaking up with him, kissing him, crying over him. What did it all mean? Remus was not very helpful on unraveling the woes of women, even with his own.

As the conversation turned back to Charlotte and Remus and the other blokes fury little problem, Peter gave a sigh, running his hand through his mused hair. It never quite fell so perfectly as James’ messy black cap. “Look,” he said, his voice coming out a little harder than he intended. “if you love her, even if you don’t think you deserve to have her, she wants you and you owe it to her to give her whatever she wants. Part of that is letting her know all of you.” Peter flinched. Straight from a hypocrites mouth.. There were parts of him, dark, selfish parts that he hide from Daisy. But he didn’t care. He loved her and apparently she still loved him. They should be together. Why weren’t they together? He glanced at his nearly dry drink, thinking he should probably stop now before he really started waxing poetic. Peter drained the glass in one go.

[Remus Lupin]

Remus appreciated the silence that Peter left between them. Peter could have lied, he could have said that everything was still the same between them all. But they both knew that was a lie. Everything was different now, and it was only going to keep changing. There was no way they would come out of this war the same people they were before. It would change them, in ways that the four of them couldn't even imagine or understand yet. This was really just the start of it all. James and Lily had each other, Sirius and Peter lived together. And then there was Remus, further on the outside than he had ever been.

But at his mention of Daisy, Peter was focused on his words. And Remus gave Peter what he hoped was an apologetic smile. He was hopeful that none of his rash words would get back to the girl, but that wasn't something he could promise. "I just mentioned to Charlotte that you've been upset, that I didn't agree with Daisy's decision. Nothing terrible..." Although Remus left it at that, he felt he wasn't entirely being truthful. He'd said more, but he didn't want Peter being upset with him. The last thing he wanted was to spend this night's full moon by himself after the day he'd had.

Luckily, it seemed like his words about how Daisy had been were a good cover, and he gave a shrug. "It's not like I've seen her, but from what I've heard, yea. She's not taking the breakup well mate. And I'd trust Charlotte, her and Daisy are best friends. Maybe you should attempt to talk to her, see if you guys can...I don't know. Fix things." Not that Remus was even sure it would help. He really wasn't the one to be offering relationship advice with the situation he was in.

Leaning forward to rest his head in his hands, he looked at Peter for a moment, trying to take in his words. There was no sugar coating happening here, something Remus was thankful for. It was what he knew he needed to hear, even if his mind was still trying to figure out how he could even act upon Peter's suggestion. "Yeah mate...I know. I just don't know how, or when. But I'm going to tell her. I just need more time, just need to patch things up until then." He watched Peter down the rest of his drink and followed suit. They still had a few hours before the moon, but stopping drinking now was probably the best. The last they needed was to be drunk of their arses. Remus wasn't even sure how the wolf would behave if he had a ton of booze racing through his system. "Think Prongs and Padfoot will show tonight?"

[Peter Pettigrew]

Staring at his best mate for longer than really necessary, Peter decided he believed him. If Remus said he hadn’t said anything too bad to Charlotte about Daisy then he would give him the benefit of the doubt and not press him too much on it. He would also find out exactly what the other boy had went on about, later; maybe he could coax it out of Remus if they continued drinking. “I’m sure she can’t be too cross with you over that, just sticking up for your friend is all.” Pete gave the morose boy next to him a light punch on the shoulder. Not minding at all that he had told Charlotte he was so upset about Daisy…leaving him; he wanted the whole world, including Daisy, to know that he was totally lost without her.

He sobered up a little as Remus began speaking about Daisy and the state she was in over their split. He listened as closely as he could, he could feel a buzz from the booze coming on but he couldn’t miss anything said, it could be of help to him. When his friend was finished Peter spoke immediately. “I want to fix things so bad.” He declared, one hand fisting up. The recent graduate took a swallow of alcohol to stem the tide of feelings in his chest. He glanced at his friend and words he didn’t want to speak, words he knew were true and hated it, words he had dare not even think spilled forth through loose lips. “I love Daisy, and I think she still loves me. But really, even if she wants me back, even if I get her back, nothing’s changed.” Peter looked to Remus with open, honest eyes. “I’m still…working... putting myself in danger. Daisy is still at school…” he trailed off sadly. "What if there really is no hop for it? What if i'm really not good enough for her?"

Daisy had a few good reasons for breaking things off with him, and all the things she had objections to, they were all still the same. He couldn’t fix anything. But Remus could and Peter was not going to let him get off easy. “No Moony. You telling her your furry problem is the solution to a slew of problems you two have. You will patch it up this time but if you don’t tell her now your secret will created more problems and it’s just a vicious cycle. If she loves you she loves you for all of you and this won’t make a difference, best to know. I guess it just boils down to if you can survive without her.” In the moment Peter couldn’t help but think Remus was daft for not telling her, if it would make her stay and stop the fighting, he should do it. Pete would do it to get Daisy back, or to keep her in the first place. He was learning surviving without his heart was not something he wanted to do, or could do.

He felt so old, like he had lived and loved two lifetimes; he thought maybe vampires might feel this way when all the ones they loved were dead and only they remained, alone. Wormtail barely noticed he had been staring into his half empty glass contemplatively until Remus piped up. Peter laughed, straightening up and looking at his friend with slightly glassy eyes. “I hope so or we’re going to be pissed and who knows what a drunk wolf is like. Besides we are miserable sods we need them.”

[Remus Lupin]

Remus was glad that he hadn't crossed any lines. Peter being upset with him would be the cherry on top of this crap cake that these last two days had turned out to be. It wasn't as if Peter needed Remus to have his back, Charlotte wasn't the enemy in this situation. But Peter was his brother and it was just natural to Remus. They had each others back no matter what happened, it was simply how life between them worked. And Peter was distressed about this, it was obvious to them all without Peter ever mentioning it. Daisy had been such a big part of Peter's world - she still was.

He grinned as Peter punched him lightly in the shoulder, rubbing it in jest like his friend had actually done damage before dropping his hand back down to his glass on the table. He looked up in surprise as Peter started speaking, letting emotions and thoughts out of his mouth. Not that it was shocking that Peter would be so open with Remus about this sort of thing, but they hadn't really talked like this in a while. It was comforting, even if it was about such a difficult topic that Remus didn't really have much knowledge in. "Hey, I know you love her. And she knows that. I'm pretty sure she still loves you too, otherwise she wouldn't be so upset. But maybe she just needs time to come to terms with it. You'll get her back Peter, you're perfect for her."

But as much hope as Remus hoped his words brought, he knew that there was no guarantee. No one could fault Daisy for her choice, it wasn't a life that everyone was meant for. Even if they all believed she could handle whatever happened, maybe she really felt that she couldn't. He didn't know, he wasn't close to her like Sirius or James. They'd have better answers for Peter. And Peter's words to him, they were still what he needed to hear. But he just couldn't, that much he knew. "You're right. I'll tell her...tomorrow. Not tonight, I want to let her cool down. I'll figure out a way to see her tomorrow and we'll talk then. I can't live without her, but it has to be her choice if she wants to stay. Not mine."

It was a bold lie to tell, because Remus had no intention of bringing it up so soon. But maybe on the next Hogsmeade visit, at least. It wasn't a conversation he was about to have through their letters, that much was certain. He chuckled at Peter, stretching his hands out above his head. "Isn't that the truth? A drunk wolf is probably the worst idea, so I guess I'll call it quits."

[Peter Pettigrew]

Peter titled a little to the side as Remus slugged him lightly on the shoulder, feeling the sway of his body make his head spin. Defiantly shouldn’t have any more to drink then. It was making it hard to think as well, everything was muddled. He was forgetting to remember to find out exactly what Remus said to Daisy. It was making it hard to contain his emotions, which had been at the breaking point as of late.

He stared at his best mate, half wondering, half disbelieving. What was he on about? If she loved him, really loved him, nothing else should matter right? When it came to her nothing else mattered to him. But it stood to reason that they still faced the issues she had left him for. And there it was; square one was a favored and familiar place of his lately. “Maybe you're right.” He said nodding, then began to shake his head instead. “Or you could be wrong. Either way I think she may be done with me and was just making sure today. She can do better than me Moony.” He looked to his friend, a challenge in his gaze. Ha! As if all their women couldn’t do better! Well Daisy wasn’t his anymore…

“Tomorrow?” Peter asked curiously. That didn’t leave a whole lot of time to prepare to tell someone you were a werewolf for Merlin’s sake. But he was right about one thing: It should be Charlottes choice if she wants to be shagging a wolf man. Pete guessed the sooner the better and impulsively pulled the other bloke into a manly one armed hug. “Good luck bro, I know she is still going to love you in spite of your furry little problem, or hopefully because of it.” He was suddenly choked up as he released his friend and was glad for a laugh at Remus’ last words. “Oh I can think of a few things worse than a drunk wolf…”

[Remus Lupin]

Remus was thankful that Peter had been the one to find him drinking alone. James and Sirius were great, but they weren't really on the best of terms right now. Remus frankly had no idea where they had gone off to after the meeting yesterday, only seeing James for a few moments while they were all at The Three Broomsticks getting their rooms situated. He had received a brief run down of what was said after the meeting, but he was still waiting on all the details. And with how frustrated he was with them, he doubted he would have opened up to them.

But Peter understood him, understood what he needed to talk about and was simply there to listen and exchange woes regarding women. But when Peter started to doubt himself, Remus gave him the biggest frown he possibly could. "Peter, I am many things, but I am hardly ever wrong. She deserves to be happy, and you make her happy. I think today was a prime example of that. She could have ignored you but she obviously didn't. Just give her time." That was some wise advice coming from someone who had less than a year of experience dating, but Peter needed to believe it. Hell, Remus needed to believe it. They all needed the happiness they could get with this war.

Remus gave a nod, trying to do his to stick with his lie. He could always just say he chickened out at the last minute, and then he'd be able to avoid the question for a while. It wasn't like he had access to see Charlotte at any given point in time, and there was no way he was going to let her know through a letter. Snorting as he laughed, he shook his head, "A few things worse than a drunk wolf? Give me an example, because I certainly don't think there would be too much worse than that."

[Peter Pettigrew]

Sometimes, though not often, Peter got the undeniable feeling that he did not deserve his friends. They were so much better than him inside and out. He didn’t understand why they let him tag along. Even now sitting with Remus, decidedly drunk, seven years later, he was struck again of his unworthiness. Remus invoked it with his kind words.

Sure Daisy deserved to be happy, but he obviously wasn’t the one making her so. Otherwise they would be together right? Right? He knew telling his friend this would not get him anywhere though. Pete stared morosely into his empty drink. “I hope you’re right Moony.” If all she needed was time then she could have it; if only he knew that in the end she would come back to him.

The man next to him didn’t know how good he had it, with Charlotte that was. Peter hoped he didn’t mess it up by keeping secrets. He could only trust his friend would do it in his own time, even if that time was tomorrow. Good luck to him! And good luck to them tonight if they didn’t get to James and Sirius soon.

Peter’s face scrunched up as Remus asked what would be worse than a drunken wolf. He had only thought a second ago that there must be something far worse than a drunk werewolf and a floozy rat, now he wasn’t so sure. “Oh Remus.” He said in a way only a drunk man could, looking both grave and glassy eyed. “I can’t think of anything worse.” He sat for a moment before getting up slowly, leaving some coins on the bar. He clapped his friend on the shoulder, mostly to steady himself. “Come on, we need Padfoot and Prongs I think.”