1 Oct: You Belong With Me: Lilmus

[Remus Lupin]

Friday, 1 October 1976

He’d thought a summer away would calm things down, but the second he’d seen her on the platform his heart had threatened to beat right out of his chest. There was no denying what he was feeling, not when he had it this bad. Remus Lupin had feelings for Lily Evans, and there was no denying it anymore. They’d been friends for years, but it had been last year when they’d been appointed prefects together that Remus had noticed Lily was on his mind more often than she had been previously. Not only was he thinking about her, but he’d caught himself staring at her more often than not over the past month.

Like right now, when he was pretending to read his Transfiguration textbook. He’d invited Lily to the library with them to work on their essays, and he’d hardly gotten more than a few sentences written. Instead of working he was watching her, twisting his quill in his fingers. He didn’t know if Lily felt the same way about him as he did about her, and for him to even feel this way felt like a betrayal to one of his closest friends. The one person he’d even talked to about this had given him some surprisingly good advice. She doesn’t even like him. At least she’s friends with you. But would his admission ruin their friendship? Not to mention, there was big secret that he was keeping from her - and it felt like the kind of secret someone he fancied should known.

Setting his quill down, Remus ran his hands across in face with a sigh. One week to the full moon, and he was exhausted. Looking across the table to Lily though, he had to smile. There was just something about her that always made him smile, he couldn’t help it. “Hey Lily,” he spoke up suddenly, the question one he’d been dwelling on in the past few days. “Are you going with anyone to the Halloween Ball?”

[Lily Potter]

"Blasted." Lily mutter under her breath, scratching through yet another line of poorly written essay. This was getting to be ridiculous! Her paper looked more like a heavily redacted transcript, as most of what was left were facts from textbooks. With annoyed fingers, she slipped that page to the back with the others and started fresh. You see, Remus was looking at her. She could feel him...she could always feel him when he watched her, and it always made her mind go surprising blank. Well it had not always been this way. For what seemed like a very long time, Remus had been one of her closest and most dear friends and now, well now she was... well she honestly didn't know what she was!

It was just that she had missed him so much over the last year or so. They just hadn't been as close as they had been and she had been longing for that closeness for months now. First, when she was dating Daniel -which was amazing and a whirlwind for her and Dan would always be her first love- she had missed all the time they had used to spend together, their easy friendship and quiet nights studying. She had missed the way he understood her and how she always felt on level ground with him. Then she and Danny had split up, amicably thank Merlin, and she found she wasn't as devastated as she thought she would be; Daniel would be in her heart forever but they weren't meant for each other. What she also found then was a burning need to reconnect to her old friend, to see Remus. She had been anxious to be near him, to be in his comforting presence, to make no explanations and have nothing expected of her. But he had kept his distance over the summer for reasons unbeknownst to her and Lily had had to respect  that and wait, which naturally only made things worse. When they had met on the train to begin this year,  their sixth year, she had felt her heart expand so much that she thought it would burst and her breath had grown short at the sight of him. He had been both familiar and new to her at the same time. Familiar in the way Remus always would be to her, it could have been a hundred years and she would still know him, and new because she was looking at him through new eyes now and what she saw made her heart putter a little faster.

So, you see, Lily feared she liked Remus... in more than a friendly way. She feared it because she was terrified of what that meant for her, for them, for their friendship that meant so much to her. She never wanted to jeopardize that, not ever. But now she was sure he knew something was up and that's why he had been looking at her like that since they had returned to Hogwarts and fell into their old routines. Lily dutifully avoided his gaze as often as possible, not wanting him to see any wayward thoughts on her face or emotions in her eyes. She didn't want him to ask why she had been quiet lately, or why she was being so quiet now, or why..."Huh?" Lily asked distractedly, glancing up on instinct at the sound of Remus's voice. She caught his gaze and felt that now common pull in her abdomen that signaled her feelings were definitely different and that feeling never failed to make her sit up straighter. "Oh, no. No." she answered as easily as she could with a smile that had no trouble surfacing at the sight of Remus.  She hadn't even thought about the Halloween Ball, and hadn't had her eye on anyone except Remus in any case. "Are you going with anyone?"

[Remus Lupin]

He needed to stop staring at her, but it was hard to do. She was interesting to watch as she crossed out lines on her parchment, apparently struggling with this assignment just as much as he was. It was hard though, to tear his eyes away from her. She was so pretty, and she looked so cute as she struggled with their schoolwork. He had missed her over the last year. They’d become prefects together last year, but Lily had been so busy for most of it. They’d had rounds together of course, but the little times like this hadn’t been as often. She’d been dating Daniel - and you aren’t a Quidditch player, now are you Remus? - and it had bothered him. He hadn’t known why it had bothered him at first, because Lily was welcome to date who she wanted. It had taken him months to figure out that it was because he fancied Lily. And when he’d figured that out, he’d simply kept it to himself. At least for the rest of their year last year, but once the summer had hit things had changed. Lily and Danny had broken up, and while that didn’t meant he had a chance - it had made him realize that his feelings for Lily weren’t going anywhere.

So he’d kept his distance over the summer in hopes that he wouldn’t accidentally ruin their friendship, and when that hadn’t worked, he’d finally talked to Peter about things. Peter had been with Daisy for two years now, and he was the one person Remus had felt comfortable telling this secret to. And while his advice had been solid, Remus hadn’t yet followed it. If Lily didn’t feel the same way about him, there was no point in admitting his feelings. Besides, he was almost positive he wasn’t her type. He wasn’t a jock - could barely function on a broom - and he wasn’t confident with himself. Remus wasn’t like James, always confident in himself even when he was struggling. But maybe not being like James was a good thing, considering how little Lily and James seemed to get along.

His question seemed to catch her off guard, but her response made his heart beat faster in his chest. He’d been positive that someone would have already asked her, but apparently that wasn’t the case. “Oh no, no one’s asked me,” he said with a forced laugh, adjusting his parchment as he tried to hide how flustered he was. “Probably just going with the boys.” Well, Peter would be going with Daisy. James would more than likely be going with Doe. And Sirius? Remus wasn’t entirely sure there, but there was a good chance he’d end up alone at this dance. “Hey Lils,” he said unsteadily, setting his quill down as he closed his book, trying to summon up and ounce of Gryffindor courage. “Would you...would you want to go to the dance with me?”

[Lily Potter]

Don't frown. Don't frown. Don't let him know you are disappointed! Lily worked to control her face, to keep it calm and friendly. But it was hard when she was disappointed. Sure it had only been a small part of her that hoped he was asking about the dance so he could ask her to it himself but it was big enough to cloud her judgment for a moment and make her think it could be true. Of course it wasn't though, Remus wasn't asking her out, they were friends. Lily knew she was the one being weird here so she forced a bright smile and a nonchalant shrug. She wanted to say that he could always ask someone to the dance himself instead of waiting for someone to ask him but she did not want him to do that. It was selfish but now that she was thinking of it, she didn't want to see him at the ball with anyone else. Old Lily would have encouraged him to find a date, someone he really liked, but this Lily said instead: "Yep, me too. Probably just a night with the girls."

You could just ask him yourself before someone else does! Her inner voice informed her helpfully but Lily bulked at the idea, returned to her botched essay with an internal sigh. No, she couldn't risk him saying no and their friendship becoming strained because of it. She could ask him to go as friends but she realized with a jolt that that was not what she really wanted. Oh, she was doomed! Lily looked up from her work, having written nothing down and not really caring about Transfiguration at the moment anyway, especially when Remus drew her attention to him again. "Mhm?" she said with a slightly silly grin, watching Remus close his book and focus his full attention on her. Her old nickname felt different now coming from his lips and paired with his uninterrupted gaze, made her feel things. She tried yet again to mask her facial expression as her friend went on but really, the shock was pretty hard to hide.
 

Lily...Lily...Lily Jane Evans say something and stop staring! Wow, her inner self was feisty today. "I'm sorry?" she said with some confusion. She could hardly believe Remus had just asked her what she thought he had just asked her. It was like he had been reading her thoughts, like he knew what she really wanted. Lily suppressed a shiver at the thought of Remus knowing what she wanted. The analytical part of her brain reminded her though, that he could just be asking her to go as friends since they neither had dates yet. He could just be being nice. Well, best know now his intention before she gave an answer. Lily swallowed thickly, fidgeting in her chair from all the nerves that swarmed her body at the prospect of this moment happening. She tossed her long hair over a shoulder, wondering when it had gotten so warm in here. Or why her mouth was suddenly so dry. "I'm sorry." she repeated, steeling herself for the next bit of conversation they were about to embark on. "Did you mean for us to go as friends?" I don't want to go as friends. And that was clear in her tone no matter how hard she tried to bury it. Lily gave him an uncertain yet undeniably hopefully smile at her next question, giving up all pretense of hiding her feelings. "Or did you mean for us to go to the ball on a date? Like...a real date?"

[Remus Lupin]

While it was reassuring- in a way - that Lily didn’t have a date to the ball, Remus felt that somehow Lily was disappointed. He couldn’t put his finger on it, but there was just something in her voice. He didn’t know what to do about it though, and resigned himself to pretending to work on his essay as he thought. Asking her himself was a risk, but sometimes life was worth taking risks. Perhaps Lily didn’t want to go to the ball with anyone, maybe she was looking forward to a night with the girls. But he’d never know unless he asked. Remus heart seemed to do flips in his chest as Lily grinned at him, and he was surprised he managed to get the words out with her looking at him like that. He didn’t know what he had been expecting, asking her out - but silence was what greeted him. Lily was simply staring at him Staring and not saying anything was a better reaction that he had expected, at the very least.

Well there it was, he’d ruined everything. He’d let himself ask her the question he’d been dying to ask her, and she was apologizing to him. He wanted to hide behind his book and forget this conversation was even happening, but he couldn’t. Not when Lily was still looking at him, and Remus could feel the heat creeping up his neck. And then Lily gave him a wonderful idea with her question - because it was an out. They could just go as friends, and he could pretend that he didn’t have feelings for the girl sitting near him. Except, the tone of her voice surprised him, because she didn’t seem pleased with that idea. “Uhm,” he said as he shifted in his seat, looking everywhere but at her. She was smiling at him, and he was feeling more embarrassed than he probably should be. “Well, it’s just that...you see I…” he trailed off, finally meeting her eyes. Bravery and courage, remember? Clearing his throat, he sat up taller before he spoke again. “I fancy you Lily. And I’d like to take you to the Halloween Ball on a real date.”

[Lily Potter]

It felt like the snick of a lock inside her as everything seemed to fall perfectly into place at Remus's words. Like one of the elaborate Japanese puzzle boxes she had read about, where you had to twist on one thing and pull or push another and then slide something into place before the lid would click and pop open to reveal the treasure within. Lily felt as if she had just found her treasure. Everything slide into place at his declaration. The excitement that he felt the same, relief that she was not going to ruin their friendship with her feels, joy at the possibilities that now lay before them. It all felt right and even if they didn't work out, at least they were starting on even ground, instead of awkward unresolved feelings on one part or the other. Lily hoped knew that no matter what happened now, they would be friends, but she was more than happy to try something more than friendship.

"Yes." she said, looking into his eyes and sucking in a breath. She reached out slowly to slip her hand into his. It felt the same, his hand larger and comforting in hers but it was also different, more intimate and she felt herself blushing. How could this be happening! The red-head didn't know how but it was and she knew better than to question the powers that be, especially when they were in the giving mood. "Yes, I would love to go to the ball with you, Remus." she clarified quietly, smiling a little shyly. It wasn't the blunt declaration he had given her but it was an answer none the less. Lily obviously was stoked and it showed in the way she looked at her long time friend turned recent crush turned even more recent date. It showed in her smile and the way she ran her thumb over the back of his hand and in ever piece of her being and she was sure he could feel it pulsing out of her.

She squeezed his hand before pulling away. She was so pleased with these turn of events and she wanted so much to lean over and test a kiss right now but she also knew that it was probably best to pace things out evenly. She was sure of her feelings now that there was no fear of instant rejection, and maybe Remus was confident in his as well but who knew how things would progress. It would behoove them to be careful here to preserve their friendship if nothing else. That knowledge, however, did not stop her from staring a little too long or licking her lips unconsciously as she thought about what it would feel like to kiss Remus Lupin... "So," she said, facing her partner more fully and crossing one leg over the other. She leaned back, going for a relaxed look, though, she was anything but. "Costumes?"

[Remus Lupin]

He’d done it, he’d asked her on a date. And while she hadn’t yet answered him, Remus found himself finding hope at the look upon her face. Still, his mind began to panic in the mere time it took her to give him an answer. He let himself breathe as she said yes, feeling the panic that had been growing in his chest dissipate. She reached out for his hand, slipping it into his, and Remus knew that this was going to work. He couldn’t say how he knew that, but it just felt right between them now. No more of the awkwardness that had been between them since school had started. Remus felt the urge to kiss her, but suppressed it. He didn’t want anything to move too fast between them, he wanted things to go smoothly.And that means telling her about your furry little problem. He brushed the unhelpful thought to the side, focusing on Lily’s words to him.

Remus smiled as she brushed his hand with her thumb, feeling happier than he’d felt in a long time. He’d asked Lily on a proper date, and she’d said yes. This was a conversation that he’d have to tell his mates later. He needed to memorize every part of this moment. How she was squeezing his hand before she pulled away. She licked her lips, and Remus had to wonder if she was thinking about him as well. At least, that was what he hoped. He missed her hand in his, but was quickly caught up thinking about her question. He hadn’t considered any costumes, because up until a few minutes ago he’d thought he’d never have the courage to ask Lily Evans on a date. A very public first date, for that matter. “Have you read The Princess Bride?” he asked, knowing exactly what book recommendation he’d be giving to her next if she hadn’t. They could go as Buttercup and Wesley. He’d look good dressed like a pirate, he hoped.

[Lily Potter]

A place in her heart rejoiced as her mind followed Remus’, pleased that even though they were embarking on this new chapter in their relationship, the complete way the understood each other had not changed. She smiled, thinking back to her younger self, the one who dreamed of fairy tales before she discovered the real fairy tale: the magical world. Before then she had read her fair share of love stories and really, who hadn’t read the Princess Bride. Admittedly her recollection was faint but she got the just and she knew just where her Rem was going with it. “I think you would make a...very attractive pirate.” She said honestly, being strangely excited about Remus in swashbuckling attire. “But I don’t think I would make a very good Buttercup. I’m not really the needing saving sort and she is apparently a great beauty. But I do like the idea.” It was good, even if no-one would know who they were. Actually, she sort of liked that idea. A secret all their own.

“Speaking of muggle books: Have you ever read The Lord of The Rings?” Wow, Lil’s, your nerd is showing. Lily smiled at her own thoughts, dipping her head to hide her amusement. The series was a favorite of her fathers -which was saying something as he wasn’t a great reader- and he had shown them to her years ago with un-contained delight in the hopes that she would love them just as much. She actually didn’t love it... at first -it was so slow!- it took a second reading just a couple summers ago to make her fall in love with Middle Earth, and now she was in the fellowship and there was no going back from that. “Or we could go more horror and do Van Helsing. I’m pale enough to be a vampire. You’re roguish enough to be a good Helsing in the best way of course. Wereweolf or no Helsing is a hunk.” Lily blushed and quickly snapped her mouth closed before the string of nonsensical words in her head came flying out from between her lips. She met Remus’ eye and felt a lurch in her gut in the want to kiss him again. It was more powerful now than it had been all this year. The red-head thought that it probably had something to do with the fact that they were going on a date. An actual date. She leaned forward subconsciously and noticed belatedly that her hand was in his again. She swallowed back her urges and smiled. “Honestly, I really don’t give two knuts what we go as." I’m just excited we’re going.