Dec. 17: I'm Losing It: Mick

[Dorcas Meadowes]

▶︎ I like what you do and I like that you keep doing it,
Your eyes look mighty fine - I really think I'm losing it...

You have got to be kidding me.

Keeping her momentum, Dorcas dropped her trunk off at the growing pile and continued on, sights set on an unlikely pair. What could Bridget have to say now? Couldn't she give Mick one moment of peace? Let her go off to the holiday unburdened, unworried, unreminded of the heart the Hufflepuff had so callously given back? Students freed of their possessions milled about the Hogsmeade platform and steadily funneled towards the entries to the train, chatter high and urgency low, and while Dorcas prided herself on how little she had interfered with the love lives of her friends lately...

Everyone had a tipping point, didn't they?

Mick deserved so much more than she'd received from her ex, while they were together and through this disastrous autumn. Dorcas hadn't exactly kept her mouth shut on her feelings about that, but she hadn't let her underlying feelings loose. Well - for the most part, she had had to tell someone (Remus was the lucky one there) or else she was going to burst. Not to say that she knew how to give more of herself to someone, she didn't exactly have it together in that department, but couldn't it be enough to know that she wanted to? That she wanted to try? For Mick? What had begun as an inkling was now undeniable, the pull she felt toward her friend something she couldn't ignore, and she'd put off coming clean about it for months now. She didn't want to be - she didn't want to be a replacement, a next-best, a distraction. Mick needed time to heal, and she'd given her space to do so while staying beside her as her friend. But it didn't seem like Mick was moving on, and Bridget getting in her way like this certainly wouldn't help. And if Dorcas kept putting off telling Mick then it would burst out eventually anyway, so she should stop talking herself out of it, she should do it before they got to London, she should do it while she still had some of her wits about her, she should do it before she made a total arse of herself - and why are they still talking?

"There you are, Mick!" she exclaimed, reaching out to take her hand as she came to a pause beside her. It was a gesture as unfamiliar to Dorcas as giving away her one-of-a-kind chocolate frog cards, but as she'd been doing that for Mick since October's Hogsmeade trip and it got easier to part with them each time, surely she could get used to reaching out like this too. Especially as their hands fit together so nicely, fingers interlocking like this was something they always did. Focus. "Come on, let's get a compartment." Sparing a too-wide smile to the lingering Hufflepuff, she went on, giving a tug towards the train, "Have a superb holiday, Bee - we've got to go, bye now."

[Marlene McKinnon]

The platform was busy, with students moving into the train and mingling about saying goodbye to those who were staying at the castle over the holiday. The chill December air felt good, and Mick dropped off her trunk with the others, eyes searching for her friends in the crowd. She had to wonder how they were all going to end up sitting in a compartment together, now that James and Lily were together. Could they fit eight people in one compartment? It would be tight, but she couldn’t imagine taking one of her last train rides without the people who had become so dear to her over the last few years. Plus - she had questions, burning ones she had been keeping to herself since earlier this month. It wasn’t very likely that Charlotte would be joining them on the train ride, and while Dorcas had been privy to conversations with Remus about it, there would be something special in taking the piss out of him about it with their friends.

She was also thinking about Hogsmeade with Dorcas, which had become a tradition since October. Mary had to work most of the weekends, and Lily had been coming with them until this month. Because she went on a date with James, which frankly had been a long time coming. But she was enjoying this, all this one-on-one time she had been getting with Dorcas. They’d always been friends for a while of course, and they had the secret camaraderie of being gay. Dorcas was great, and she deserved someone great. She also clearly liked someone, given the secret conversations she had been having with Remus that she wouldn’t tell Mick about. Lost in her thoughts, she hardly realized who had called her name and was walking towards her until Bridget was standing in front of her.sh*t.

Mick had, for the most part, been avoiding Bridget. Mostly because Bridget and Mo shared a house, which meant they were together a lot, and then Mick had to think about how stupid cool Mo was and how she totally understood why Bridget would want to date Mo. It didn’t mean she had to like it, especially when she was very much sure that she was going to be alone for the rest of her life. “Hey Bee,” she said as she tried to scan for Morgan, not really in the mood to deal with the awkwardness between both of them. She made polite conversation, exchanging pleasantries about the upcoming holiday. Mick found it easier to talk to Bridget than she had been expecting, and she was just beginning to relax into the conversation when someone was grabbing the hand that wasn’t in her pocket.

She looked to see Dorcas had appeared beside her, and she glanced down to see their fingers intertwined. That was new and unexpected, but not a bad thing. Mick had always been a touchy-feely person, but Dorcas usually wasn’t. Marlene was aware of how Dorcas felt about Bridget, so her sudden appearance and attempts to pull Mick away, and Mick went willingly, giving a wave back to the Hufflepuff as Dorcas dragged her off. “You know, I’m not opposed to holding hands but I feel like something is wrong. Are you alright?” she asked, giving Dorca’s hand a squeeze as she fell into step beside her. Dorcas seemed a little on edge, and Marlene couldn’t really fathom why. Had something happened with her family, with their friends? “And thanks, for the save.”

[Dorcas Meadowes]

You don't mind me butting in? Or my fight with Bee that she doesn't realize exists?

While she'd surprised her roommate, it didn't seem like Mick was put off by her interference, and she came along agreeably. Hogwarts never felt smaller than it did after a breakup, and Dorcas wasn't sure how anyone really got over an ex when seeing them frequently was inevitable. She didn't want to believe that Bee had cared so little for Mick that seeing her didn't make her feel some kind of way, but the Hufflepuff seemed terribly content these days, with Mick left to handle more than her fair share of the heartbreak. Not left to it alone - they'd been there for her as much as they could, and Dorcas hadn't ever had so much fun at a dance or at Hogsmeade as when their dorm had decided to go all together these last few months. But doing the work to mend a broken heart was an intimate, personal thing. Not that Dorcas knew from experience, but she understood enough to know that Mick's pace was out of her control. 

Right, you're not trying to speed her along by telling her you have feelings, hmm?

What Dorcas understood more was the threat of being alone. Finding love wasn't easy for anyone - the love lives of their classmates were intertwining case studies in and of themselves - but it was hardly easier when one's dating pool could better be described as a puddle. There were only a few girls she knew who could maybe return her feelings, and while she'd before felt a tug, she'd never felt a pull like she did for Mick. So letting herself be consumed by her studies, passions, and dreams of her blazing future, while finding solace in the company of friends - that was the remedy, what put off the creeping fears of the solitary life awaiting her after graduation. Until she'd accepted what she was feeling for her friend, even though she'd declared long ago that nothing could ever happen between them, and had allowed the feelings to build until they were here.

Hand-in-hand at the station. Mick worrying over her. Thanking her.

Dorcas could usually trust her mouth to move faster than her mind, but everything about risking their friendship in the pursuit of something more had her questioning, overthinking, and she felt backed into a corner at the question that should have been so simple to answer. She should have known this would happen, sooner or later. They spent too much time together for Mick not to sense the heightened state of her emotions lately - with the highs and lows she'd been having, it felt like Flying class in first year, and there was a reason she'd not kept up with lessons - and this...this was it. I can't keep on like this. "Are you alright?" No, I'm not alright, I haven't been. I need your ex to vanish - I need you to see that I've been right here - I need to know if you could see me the way I see you. "Anytime," she managed, keeping hold of her hand as she held her gaze. "I...wasn't kidding about finding a compartment. Could we - just us? I won't keep us from everybody for long, but I've been meaning to talk with you." 

[Marlene McKinnon]

She liked to think that she was pretty smart, if her decent grades in school meant anything. She knew about a lot of things outside of academic topics too, and she prided herself on the fact that she was observant. Having felt disconnected from her parents for so long, she’d found a family in the people in Gryffindor over the past years. And she paid attention to them, and what they were going through, because they were so incredibly important to her. She watched Mary fall head over heels for Roderick Bones, and comforted her the next year after things had ended. She’d watched Lily go from thinking James was a toerag to actually going on a date with him, one that went well from what they had been told. She’d been so happy for Dorcas when she had started dating Emmeline, loving that she wasn’t the only one who was queer in their dorm. So she knew something was up with Dorcas, and had been for a little bit.

It wasn’t just the hushed conversations with Remus that stopped when she showed up, there had been a tension between them for a few weeks now that Mick didn’t really understand. She couldn’t pinpoint when it had started, but it had just suddenly been there, something under the surface that was bothering Dorcas. Mick was pretty positive she’d gone and said something stupid, but she was having trouble remembering what exactly it could have been to cause the occasional awkwardness between them. Marlene was trying to believe that she had just been imagining it, that there was nothing eating away at Dorcas. But now, standing here in line to get on the train, it was all too obvious that something clearly was wrong, and Mick didn’t know how to fix it. She’d been convinced, for a while, that on a particularly drunk night she might have done something stupid, like acting on the thoughts that had started to pop up about what it might be like to kiss Dorcas. But she would have told Mick if something had happened, right? So clearly that wasn’t it?

It was all so frustrating, watching Dorcas claim to be fine when she wasn’t, and Marlene was considering drastic action when she almost missed Dorcas asking her to talk. Them together, by themselves, in a compartment. sh*t, you definitely did something dumb Mick. She gave Dorcas' hand a squeeze, nodding at her. “Yeah, ‘course. Anytime, you know that,” she said quietly, reaching out with her free hand to brush some of Dorcas' hair from her face. Most students were still hanging on the platform, which Marlene was thankful for because it meant the line to get onto the train wasn’t long. She pulled Dorcas after her, fingers still intertwined, and soon enough they were on the train, walking down the corridor to find an empty compartment. She slipped into the first one she found, pulling the door closed behind them and covering the window. It was only then she let go of Dorcas’ hand, turning to face her. “Are we okay? I don’t remember doing or saying anything stupid, but I probably did and I really am sorry.”

[Dorcas Meadowes]

Dorcas could only nod in return as Mick agreed to talk, brushing a wayward curl from her face without pause because, as friends, they took care of each other, so what was the big deal? It wasn't something that should make Dorcas's throat dry and hands clam - never more embarrassing as when one was holding hands, was it? She couldn't keep on like this, she really couldn't. Pretending that everything was fine, and that nerves that were noticed were due to this being their N.E.W.T. year and the standards were impossibly high but she would not allow herself to fall short. It was a fine time to be so distracted by feelings, indeed, but more importantly than being able to focus on her studies again - speaking freely would lift the unfamiliar secrecy that she'd pulled around herself recently, and she needed to be free of it. Even if Mick didn't feel the same, then at least her question would be answered, and she could move on. There was little Dorcas loved more than questions that seemed to have no right answer except, she was finding, when it came to - You are not going to say it like that. - matters of the heart.

Mick led them onto the train, pulling her along as they scanned compartments, and it wasn't long before they were as alone as they could be. Curtain drawn, door locked, hands empty. There were few enough people onboard that she wasn't worried about the gossips, but as she turned to face her, what Dorcas hadn't expected was the look on the girl's face. What did Mick have to be concerned about?

"Mick, I - no. You have nothing to apologize for. I can't believe I made you think that - I'm sorry," she asserted quickly, fully taken aback. In retrospect, maybe a "we need to talk" wasn't the best idea? Absolutely smashing this, Meadowes, well done. "We're okay. I want us to always be okay," Dorcas reiterated, looking up to meet her eye, willing her to understand. She took a steadying breath and tucked her hair behind both ears, trying to center herself, to get into the mindset she took when delivering a presentation - but this was heavier and altogether more delicate than that had ever been. Flustered. When was the last time you were flustered? Get it together!

"I've wanted to...I care about you, and I know you've been going through it." Which one is the most under of understatements? "But I can't find the words to express how...deeply I've hated seeing you down. You don't deserve to feel that way, and it makes me want to scream, and if I could, I would snap my fingers and make this all better. I wish...I wish you could see yourself the way I see you." She tried to speak slowly, controlled, and hardly recognized the wistful lilt of her own voice. This feeling of powerlessness, of wanting to take Mick's pain away even if it meant making it her own, it was new. Frustrating, consuming, and altogether new. Vulnerable, Dorcas. You hate feeling vulnerable. The life and light and spark of Marlene McKinnon, she never wanted it to dim. For the girl to doubt herself, to feel less than, to let others get in her head. She would pull herself up - Dorcas didn't doubt that she would. But would she take her offered hand?

"No matter what, you are one of the greatest people I've ever met. You know that, right? I've known it for years, before you and Bee got together." She bit her lip in pause, hoping she wasn't going too far, but her momentum propelled her on. "With or without her, you are you, and you are loved, and you are not alone. We -" She huffed, resolute, and pivoted. If you keep roping everyone in, she'll never see. "I'm here. And the best day I've had in I can't even remember how long was when we skived off to go skating. I would do that every day, threats of twisted ankles and purple bruises be damned." Dorcas broke into an exasperated laugh, rubbing the heels of her hands to her eyes as she muttered, "Merlin help me, I've gone off the rails already." She exhaled and emerged, taking her in with new eyes, bracing for whatever could come next. "Do you see what I'm trying to say?"

[Marlene McKinnon]

Walking through the corridor of the train, hand in hand, Mick was running through a list of everything she could think of that Dorcas might want to talk to her about. A need to talk to her about something, in privacy, could mean any number of things. Dorcas had seemed very on edge, and for the most part, it seemed like worry over this being their N.E.W.T. year. This was completely understandable, this year could make or break their careers. Dorcas had high ambitions, and she would absolutely succeed. She was one of the most dedicated to her hard work among them, whereas admittedly Mick tended to slack off. Even this year, when she knew she should be applying herself more and not mopping about the castle. A professional quidditch career wasn’t in her future, nor in her desires. She didn’t have what it took to be an Auror, not with how little she’d cared to dedicate herself over the years. Her career woes were a future Mick problem though, as it had always been.

But this, this felt different. This didn’t feel like Dorcas wanted to talk about her worries over their exams in a few months. A shift in the energy between them she had mostly been trying to not read into, but she couldn’t not to that now. Mick knew she wasn’t always the best friend, But she thought she had been trying, this year, to really give it her all to the girls. Carving out time to discuss tea with Mary, being a support system for Lily as she navigated being Head Girl. And Dorcas, so much time with Dorcas. Marlene wasn’t entirely sure she wanted to admit how much she’d come to rely on Dorcas' presence around her, grounding her that she could get through all this. Which had led to other thoughts, during late nights in their dorm or common room. Mostly thoughts about kissing Dorcas, which had caught her off guard at first. They had always been friends and allies, and here she was letting her brain think about ruining everything between them just to see what it would be like.

She didn’t miss the way Dorcas smiled at her they saw each other or the way it made her smile because it was nice, having someone be so happy to just see you. And she didn’t want to lose that, not ever. Which meant she needed Dorcas to just tell her what had happened, because then she could fix it, right? It caught her off guard that the first thing that happened was Dorcas apologizing to her. She felt the tension ease from her shoulders and leaned back against the compartment door. They were okay, they were always going to be okay. Thankfully, Dorcas didn’t need prompting to start talking, and Mick listened, eyes not leaving Dorcas’. Going through it was a bit of an understatement, but it had been better recently. It still stung, the rejection from Bridget, but it stung less now. Mick had been the unreliable one, the one unwilling to commit fully. She knew that was on her, as much as it had sucked to admit that to herself. But it wasn’t the time to think about Bee or her hurt feelings, because Dorcas was saying emotional things, and Mick was quiet, trying to take it all in.

It all felt very much like, well like a confession. Like Dorcas was telling her this deep secret, about how Mick was great and how she was loved and not alone. Mick felt she knew all these things, but it hadn’t occurred to her that maybe she had been doubting them until this very impassioned speech she was getting. Mick had always tried to be true to herself, to not let society's opinions about who she should be or love influence her. Her mouth twitched into a grin, thinking about that day at the lake. She’d skipped the session put on by their Head students, but she had promised Dorcas they could go together. Skipping class and showing off on the lake, falling down and laughing. She’d been so damn happy that day.

Do you see what I’m trying to say?

Merlin, Marlene wished she knew where Dorcas was trying to go with this. She so wished she did, because she realized her heart was pounding. She felt so nervous, which she hadn’t felt in a long time. Licking her lips, she tore her gaze away from Dorcas, staring at the wall behind her. “I loved that day, you know. Just the two of us at the lake, it was like…” she trailed off, mind racing. Well, it was like they’d been a couple out there, teasing each other and goofing off. And yes, she had thought about that a couple of times because it wasn’t like there was a wide pool of people to date that were also girls that liked girls. “I’m alright, you know? Bee came to talk to me and I mean, I didn’t really want to. But it was okay, and I’m okay. Time heals wounds and all that shite, right?” Was it super obvious that she was trying to avoid answering Dorcas’ question? Probably. Tearing her eyes away from the wall and back to Dorcas, she let a sigh escape her. “I don’t really know what you are trying to say, I guess.”

[Dorcas Meadowes]

They had to be in some kind of special compartment, a tiny one, reserved for first years only or the trolley and its attendant. Because it was suddenly so small with the door closed, Mick leaning against it, eyes tracking hers as she spoke. You've slept in the next bed for seven years. Shared tables and benches and armchairs. Secrets and nightmares and plans. And still, you've been too far away. How can I show you that? Dorcas would have counted this among her list of better impromptu speeches, if she had done a few things differently. It was always helpful for her audience to know what they were getting into, to have some prior prep rather than an unexpected - and un-asked-for - onslaught of honesty. But she felt - off, unbalanced, as her audience of one locked in on her.

This was what she'd been wanting. Time alone, enough to say her piece, to let free what she'd been holding onto so fiercely. Only then did the everything else she'd been thinking about have a chance at happening. Then why can't you just say it? Surely it would be simpler to just tell Mick that she had feelings, let her sit with it, and go from there. But when she got rolling, she didn't stop easily, and while she hoped she'd dropped enough hints for Mick to see where she was going...

She watched, at rapt attention, as Mick abruptly looked away. Her heart, a frantic thrumming in her chest; hands clutched each other behind her back; the silence deafened. 

It was, Mick. It was.

Dorcas managed a nod, more than relieved that she was feeling okay these days, that time was helping - was time with her helping? - but she was coiled too tightly inside to relax just yet. The day was significant to them both, Mick had loved it, and that was something to hold on to. Their eyes met again - wondering and frantic and confused and hopeful - and Mick...sighed.

I'm going to have to say it.

    Words, Dorcas, she's staring.

How about without words?

    Before anything, she is your friend. And first-kiss-on-a-train is a memory already claimed. However tempting.

She shifted uncomfortably under Mick's gaze - It was going to come to this, you can't expect her to put two-and-two together when you haven't exactly been throwing yourself at her. - until she again stood tall. When had she ever let a challenge get the better of her? Just because talking about feelings wasn't her forte, didn't mean she couldn't get there. Mick was worth it. She could do this. She was Dorcas Meadowes, and she could do anything she set her mind to - 

"I want those days with you," she burst, strained. "I've been wanting them, all of them. With you." She paused, hoping to let her meaning sink in, knuckles bleaching as she clenched her hands behind her. "You're one of my best friends, Mick, and I don't want to do anything to jeopardize that. I never have, but I - I can't help how I feel, and I - have feelings for you." As the words settled, Dorcas exhaled, allowing herself a moment to close her eyes. Come out of there. You have to face her. She let go of her hands, slipping them into the pockets of her cloak, and continued as evenly as she could manage. But her heart was just there - out in the cold for Mick to see, to choose what to do with, and while she wanted to scoop it back up, she resisted. "I understand that this probably isn't what you expected, and that you might not ever feel that way for me, but it's been eating me up. Don't feel like you have to say anything now, I just - I really needed you to know." You are terrible at this. Terrible. We haven't even left the station. How are you going to survive this trip? Brilliant plan, this, absolutely brilliant, Mother will be so proud - make a plan or you're going to drive yourself batty - "Are you going to James's for the Christmas party? Maybe we could talk again then?"

[Marlene McKinnon]

She did feel bad because it was so clear that there was something in Dorcas’ words that she was missing. The confession part of it all, that’s where Mick was confused. And then there it was, the I have feelings for you, words Mick hadn’t been expecting but words that caught her breathe anyway. Dorcas closed her eyes, and Mick was trying to will her to open them again. She knew the ball was in her court now, that all the tension she’d been feeling between them was this. And it was obvious now, wasn’t it? Had she really been so blind to all the signs, just so caught up in her heartbreak that she had been missing the Dorcas had been there, healing her heart all along? So many things made sense at this moment, looking back on their interactions this year. Dorcas had called her out at the Quidditch party, and at the time Mick hadn’t seen that as, well was it jealousy? It had to have been more than just inquiring where she had gone off to. There was every Hogsmeade trip spent together, Mick’s arm slung around Dorcas’ shoulders without a second thought as they traded chocolate frog cards and drank butterbeer at the Three Broomsticks.

There was also the dislike of Bee that Dorcas had made so evident, which she could see the underlying reasons for now. And the glances Remus had been throwing her, bloody hell, those made a lot of sense too. Remus was one of the girls, really, of course, he would know about this. Of course, Dorcas had talked to Remus about this, and he’d been waiting to see what was going to happen. Waiting for Mick to pay attention. I’m paying attention now, I’m listening now. That has to count for something. Marlene realized she should probably be saying something right now because she was sort of just staring at Dorcas with wide eyes. Which wasn’t doing much, because you might not ever feel that way and you don’t have to say anything now were pouring out of Dorcas' mouth, which was not the impression she wanted Dorcas to be having right now.

So she ignored the question, and let herself breathe, and surged forward from her spot against the compartment door. She was pulling Dorcas to her, one hand coming up to tilt her chin up, and it was only then that Marlene’s brain actually caught up to her. Yes, kissing Dorcas right now would obviously get her feelings on this whole thing across - but was it fair? To Dorcas? For their first kiss to be here on the train, just like her first kiss with Bridget had been? Voice low, she smiled down at the shorter girl, “I’ve been thinking about kissing you. Quite frequently, actually. I almost did at the lake, kind of kicking myself for not doing it then. Or any day or night since then.” If Dorcas would let her, Marlene would kiss the other girl senseless to make up for it. Right now, she needed to use her words though. “I’m sorry that I’m so daft, that I didn’t see this sooner. You…you’re brilliant you know? I know you said I don’t have to say anything now, but I don’t want you to spend another second thinking that I don’t want this as much as you do.”

She wanted to be happy. Dorcas made her happy. While she’d been down since October, Dorcas had been there. Making her smile, making her laugh, just letting her figure out how to be Mick for a while. So many of her school years were intertwined with memories with Bridget, she hadn’t fully known how to be on her own. She knew she could do it now, be by herself. But she didn’t want to, not when she could be with Dorcas. “I’ll be at the Potter’s party, wouldn’t miss it. I’ll wait for you under the mistletoe. Unless of course, you want me to kiss you now. I’d be happy to oblige.”

[Dorcas Meadowes]

Dorcas hadn't felt like the best version of herself this term, for the most part. She'd been so easily irritable as her feelings grew more and more difficult to contain. She was hardly proud of how she'd handled the situation, drowning poor Remus in her woes and snipping at those who didn't deserve it. Envy wasn't a good look on anyone, and she was frankly embarrassed at how she'd allowed the ugly emotion in. But the times when the two of them could just be, when she'd put the increasingly frustrating what if's out of her mind, when she'd committed to being in the moment and enjoying their time together for what it was - she felt like her best self. She'd been emboldened to live true to herself through seeing Mick do the same, and the kinship they'd shared since fifth had brought them closer...but never to this, because of her own fears. Fears of disrupting the ecosystem of their dorm and their friend group, and while she could hardly bear to admit it, of rejection itself. Because what if, after all of her inward spirals, of analyzing the moments when their eyes met as they shared a laugh over a silly little quip, the words forgotten but the warm look in Mick's eye soundly imprinted on her mind - what if she'd built something out of nothing? The rejection would be kind, she'd never doubted that - nothing worse than receiving a pitying look, though - but she was beginning to think that the stress of not knowing would be preferable than hearing those words when Mick moved to her.

Stunned in place, body brought against Mick's and chin tilted up, the intensity of her gaze dashing all thoughts of rejection from her mind, it was all she could do to keep breathing. Shallow and quick, lips parted, arms moving of their own accord to wrap around Mick's neck - to see her smile, and use a voice that sent shivers down Dorcas's spine. Intangible relief flooded through her, stopping her whirring mind in its tracks as she focused wholly on this moment, breaths slowing as this beautiful shift in reality set in. This priceless, perfect moment that she'd do anything to remember forever, this moment that didn't quite feel real, that didn't feel like it belonged to her, but somehow, miraculously did. Just as much as I do. She wants this just as much as I do. The words fell through her, settling in her bones, the words she'd hoped for but hadn't fully let herself imagine coming true.

"You're not daft, stop it," Dorcas beamed as she whispered back, fingers twining in the short hair at her neck. "I've been holding my cards too close. I didn't know how or when to tell you but I just - I can't believe we're here, that you feel this too. Melin, I can breathe." Her head tilted back, free, as she laughed, the weight of this term starting to leave her. And there you were, coming up with contingency plans moments ago. She's here. She's right here.

"I'll meet you there," she grinned, the Potter party a grand escape to share in holiday cheer, and a perfect first event for them to attend together. And while she appreciated Mick's consideration, feeling they were thinking along the same lines...now that everything was out in the open, Dorcas couldn't feel the need to wait. Just because Mick's first kiss had happened on this train with her first love, that didn't take anything away from what was happening here. Now that she could relax, it really was kind of funny, wasn't it? Who would have thought of the Hogwarts Express as a recurring character in Mick's love life? But here they were - admissions admitted, holding each other, a breath away from sharing a first kiss. And so she let out another laugh, rising up on her toes. "It's more like I need you to kiss me, to make sure I'm not playing this out in my head."

[Marlene McKinnon]

This was real, and it was happening, and Mick had to remind herself to stay in the moment. Sometimes she had a tendency to get ahead of herself, and while Dorcas had said that she had feelings - Mick couldn’t go about rushing things. As much as her brain was suggesting hiding away the whole trip with Dorcas, away from their friends to just be - they would have time. They were both 17, they could apparate to each other if needed to. Which meant they could spend as much time together as they wanted over the holiday. Besides, they both lived in London - which meant they walk to each other if they weren’t taking the easy way. Or meet somewhere around town. There would be so many moments for them to create new memories together. Mick, as she did most years, hadn’t even started shopping for the holiday. Which meant a break hitting up local muggle shops to snag gifts for her friends, and Dorcas would be a huge help in figuring out exactly what to get everyone. But here she was thinking ahead, instead of staying in this moment where Dorcas was wrapping her arms around Mick’s neck and whispering back to her.

The judge was out on how daft she was or wasn’t, because from this point of view Marlene was seeing just how much she had missed over the last few months. The night she’d found Bridget and Mo together, Dorcas had seemed so upset that Mick had left the party. This had to be the missing answer to why she’d been so short with Marlene that evening. And the trips to Hogsmeade, and the Halloween masquerade together. The nights spent in front of the fire, just enjoying each other’s company. All normal things, but all things that could have been something more if Mick had gotten her own head out of her arse earlier. “Well I, personally, am glad you didn’t wait a single moment longer to tell me. And I’ll make it up to you, me not knowing sooner. As long as you keep breathing,” Mick teased.

While it would be fun to keep this a secret from their friends, to have a few days of sneaking around together before the Potter party, there was no way Mick was keeping her hands off Dorcas in front of their group. Marlene would hold Dorcas close to her every day if it made up for the lost time. Right now though, she was going to fill the request that Dorcas had just given her, and hopefully, spend a few minutes kissing the girl that cared for her. And so she met Dorcas's lips with hers, a smile on her face as she lived in this moment. Their first kiss, and on the train of all places. She was going to have to write the conductor a thank you letter, for having the train be a place of such good memories for her. Kissing Dorcas was perfect, it made Mick feel energized. It was everything a first kiss should be.

[Dorcas Meadowes]

Mick's eyes, dark and warm and wonderful, were unutterably busy. Dorcas knew that the brilliant mind behind them was whirring, and she couldn't blame the poor girl. She'd just uncorked her feelings at long last, and while they were terribly close to getting caught up in the moment, there was so much to dissect. New meanings put upon their times together this term, new understandings of her own embarrassing outbursts, of being caught staring. Thankfully, something they did have was time.

They had a whole holiday to share in London, a whole handful of weeks to see who they were together, how they were together - before they were back to living together at school. Not quite a normal step in a relationship, but it was what it was. They were embarking on their final term soon, it was true, but that meant that the rest of their lives was about to start. And if they made it through these next few months, that meant that they had the chance to start their next chapters together. Time was on their side, even if it felt against them now, with the train starting to rumble under their feet as it readied to depart. So Dorcas waited, more excited than impatient now that they were wrapped up in each other, and while she didn't think it was possible, she grinned ever more broadly at Mick's words. She had corrections to make - sweet as the sentiment was, and how nice was it to have someone want to do nice things for her, Mick didn't have to do anything, she'd been the one hiding things for months - but...later. Time was theirs.

She'd been dreaming about this kiss, and Mick had too, and their lips met - so much for keeping me breathing, Merlin.

Mick was so warm, so sure, and while Dorcas hadn't bothered to spend energy worrying about their chemistry, feeling it was to be a given should they get the chance - the kiss was affirming, nonetheless, that they were on the right path together. Feelings that she'd kept dammed were pouring out, in fumbled - and sincere - words, in the eagerness of her kiss, in her ability to be close, to tangle her fingers in Mick's hair and trace the curve of her face. She hadn't loved someone yet, not with the whole of her, and she felt herself rising towards it in this freedom of feeling. She'd long thought that when she did feel that way for someone, that she'd love - the kind of all-encompassing love, unstoppable, unconditional, the kind that was in stories far sappier than those her life was made of - as determined and committed as she was to all important endeavors. Perhaps the fear of that was part of what had held her back, knowing that she wouldn't be able to stop herself from being all in, and opening herself up to others didn't come naturally. But fears were to be faced, and if they were on their way towards something...they'd go hand-in-hand.

Breathless when they parted, Dorcas rested her forehead against the other girl's for a few beats, giddy, before letting her heels drop. She bit her lip as she took Mick in, a giggle escaping as she gently made her short hair presentable again, and drew her hands down the other's arms, linking their fingers. "Very good start to making things up to me," Dorcas teased, swaying as she spoke, tethered to Mick. "But I've been the tiniest bit of a terror, feel like I've got an apology tour ahead of me. We're not meant to bottle things up, it's not good for anybody. The girls will understand, won't they? Be happy for us? And - " Dorcas laughed, knowing that at least one more person was going to be relieved at the turn of events, and that Mick should be aware before they ran into the others. "Remus, Remus knows everything, I had to tell someone. He's been doing his best to keep me steady, bless him. He's getting something special for Christmas, no doubt about it." 

[Marlene McKinnon]

Mick truly couldn’t believe her luck, that someone she had respected and admired over the years had feelings for her. It wasn’t as if she’d entirely written off the idea of finding someone, it was just that the dating pool was small for them at their school. She had thought that one day, by some miracle, she’d find someone else like Bridget had found Morgan. How interesting, it was, that the someone she’d been hoping to find was her roommate, just as Morgan was Bridget’s. There was probably some irony in that to be discovered later, for now, she was all about sharing the most perfect kiss with Dorcas. A kiss that she’d been thinking about, but had thought would never happen for fear that she’d destroy her relationship with all her dorm mates. That thought was the furthest thing from her mind right now because Dorcas wanted to be kissed by her, and that was far more important than thinking about how Mary and Lily would handle this change of relationship.

Because this kiss was perfect, like they’d been made for each other. And Mick didn’t want to stop, quite content to spend the entirety of a train ride locked in here with no one but Dorcas. But there would be time, a whole holiday’s worth of time, and Mick was positive they would be taking full advantage of it. Knowing there would be time for more kisses, Mick pulled away, grinning at Dorcas as the other girl rested her head against Mick’s. Dorcas’ giggle was infectious, and Mick’s grin only grew as Dorcas set about fixing her hair and linked their fingers. There were questions on Mick’s mind that she wanted to ask, although she couldn’t decide on which one to ask first. But Dorcas was answering one before she could even say it, and Mick was glad that making up for her incompetence was already going well - and to know that at least Lily and Mary didn’t know about this. “Oh, they’ll understand, honestly a bit surprised there’s been no grand plan from our gingers to get us together actually - or maybe there has? Suppose we’ll find out.” Mary loved love, so it wouldn’t be a shock if she had suspicions or plans related to the two of them.

A laugh tumbled out of her at Dorcas’ next admission, although this news wasn’t surprising when Marlene considered how Remus had been acting towards her this term. It wasn’t as if things had been abnormal between her and Remus, quite the opposite. Their easy friendship had been good, especially when Remus came to talk to her with worries about Rufus. But… “Bloody hell, Remus does deserve a good present. We’ll have to brainstorm. You know, he told me sometimes you find someone in places you least expect, like your own house at school. Tosser really made me think he was talking about him and Charlotte.” Raising one of Dorcas’ hands to her lips to place a kiss on the back, she leaned forward and placed one on the other girl's forehead for good measure. “You think they’re looking for us, or that Remus has assured them we’ll be arriving eventually?”

[Dorcas Meadowes]

"Oh Merlin, I've tried not to think about that. They will be unbearably smug if they've been scheming," she said with a fond chuckle. Who among them didn't like being right? Especially when it came to bringing hearts together, Mary always had her quietly kept - and not so quietly kept - theories and matchmaking projects keeping her too busy to think on her own love life. It was embarrassing to think that she and Mick had been the subject of such plotting for their roommates, but she could at least take solace in knowing that even if they had been trying, they had been subtle enough to allow them to come together on their own.

Sure. Nothing more subtle than you getting threatened by Bee being friendly -

    Shut it. Over it. Onto better days already.

Thankfully, Mick was laughing instead of being bothered by Remus knowing everything. The pair was so close, but even so, Dorcas had known he'd be the best confidant she could hope for, for this particular moment. The girls were grand, but she'd have had no hope for either Lily or Mary keeping mum when they were all so entangled, and she hoped they'd understand. Remus had been brave this term, letting himself feel for Charlotte Fudge and tell her as much, and while she'd been glad to share and keep secrets with their friend - Dorcas was relieved to live with fewer of them, going forward. Next stop - get Rufus up to speed. "So he did try and give you a hint...We'll go shopping this week, find him something special." She smiled in place, face warm, as Mick pressed kisses to her hand, her forehead. It'd been some time since she'd received such affection, and would take some time to get used to the rush of feelings - but it was good to feel them again.

"If they're all together and it's just us missing...I bet he's made an excuse for us, and is fighting for his life to not give us away." She cared strongly about her fellow Gryffindors, she really did, and had been working on accepting all of their quirks as much as she had her own. But Dorcas couldn't be the only one to notice that locking all of them in close quarters amplified everyone's...everything. She could too easily see the others tearing in like dogs with a bone, and while they hadn't exactly been out of sight for long - the corridor was still full of laughter and collisions, Hagrid could be heard ushering on tardy boarders from outside - if anyone had seen them go off hand-in-hand, they would only be making it harder for their friend. Out of an overabundance of love. She rose up to press a short, sweet kiss to Mick's lips, dropping down with a bit of a resigned laugh. "As much as I'd rather cocoon in here, we should probably go and save him."

[Marlene McKinnon]

Dorcas was right, if Mary and Lily had been scheming to get the two of them together, they were certainly going to be smug. Mary probably had a table picked out for them at the tea shop, with a specific tea to prepare and treats to share. And Lily - well, Lily had her own will they/won’t they situation this term, so perhaps their dear friend had been too distracted by her own feelings to scheme too much. Which, there were still details of Lily’s new relationship with James that Mick was absolutely dying to know. They’d gotten the gossip about the dates the two had been on, but it seemed everyone else had figured out the two of them were going to get together before Lily and James did. Which, admittedly, Marlene was now wondering if their friends would say the same about her and Dorcas. While there was no way to know for sure how their friends would react to the two of them being together, Marlene was pretty sure not a single one of them was going to be surprised by it.

There was a grand muggle chocolate shop in London they would have to go to. It might not be Honeydukes, but chocolate was chocolate and she knew Remus would eat it regardless. And something else nice, because he probably had tried to hint this to her more than once that she had missed. Which had to come from his respect for keeping secrets, because he knew her well enough to know that it was easiest to get her to understand something if you just were blunt about it. “He deserves something nice, although now I’m curious - do you have the scoop about him and little Fudge? He barely tells me anything about her,” she said with a laugh. She’d been witness to some moments between them, but she knew the two of them spent the majority of their time together away from prying eyes and gossip trains. Other than the cold winter day she’d stumbled upon them together in the common room, she wouldn’t have suspected that the two of them were together. They had made things official by now, hadn’t they?

Mick wanted to say that Remus could hold his own, that whatever excuse he was making for their absence from the train compartment was going to be perfectly reasonable. Not that those things weren’t true, because they were, but those were mostly excuses to stall. She could hear Hagrid sending the last of the students onto the train, and the compartment they were in wouldn’t remain just the two of them together. Intertwining their fingers, she relented and savored the last kiss before she turned to open the compartment door. No one seemed to care as the two of them emerged from the compartment together, and Mick led them down the crowded hallway. She couldn’t remember who it was that had picked a specific compartment on the train to claim as theirs, but it wasn’t a surprise to find some of their friends already gathered there when they reached it. Opening the door, she held Dorca’s hand tightly, ignoring the smirk Remus shot them as they entered. “Hey losers, what we talking about in here?”

open to marauders and company

[James Potter]

"Oh come off it, Remus. You know something, it's written all over your face," James laughed in jest, clapping his friend's arm at the latest excuse. Sure, their Moony had his secrets and was quite good at keeping them when he needed to - the lad had hidden one rather hairy one from some in the compartment for all the years they'd known him, and he had a patented knack for smoothing out wrinkles and redirecting unwanted attention from most parties. But when Lily and Mary had no clue on the whereabouts of their missing roommates, and the searchlights landed on the next likely holder of such knowledge... Well, suffice it to say that if James had been in the know and was holding out, they'd know too, such was the company in the compartment.

Remus was covering for Mick or Dorcas. Or Mick and Dorcas. So one of them, or both of them, had confided something in him? That no one else in the group knew? James was curious, absolutely - but in the wake of an on our way into break exhale kind of way, rather than a pre-exam witching hour need to know now sort. It was unusual for most of them to be out of the loop about something in the group, to be sure, but he didn't expect it to be that way for long. The girls would find them, or someone from here would run into one of them while on rounds, and the little mystery would be solved, and they'd get to King's Cross together like normal.

Well - a little differently than normal. Their new normal, rather. The one which included Charlotte on Remus's other side, and his own arm around Lily.

Minus a few stumbles, James had been walking on air these last few weeks. Since their first date in Hogsmeade, things between him and Lily had gone well. So well, in fact, that the first stop over break for both of them was Cokeworth. He could hardly believe that they were not only dating, but that in just a few hours he'd meet her parents, and that tomorrow night they were headed to dinner with her sister and this Vernon fellow. Ahead of attending a family wedding. Together.  However fast things now seemed to be happening, James was buzzing, and ready as he could be to take on the next few days as they came. He felt confident about winning over Mr. and Mrs. Evans, less so about Petunia and the fiance - but Lily wanted him there, and if that's what she wanted, if him being there could help her out, then what more was there to do than find him a proper muggle suit?

The train rumbled beneath them, the whistle blew high and sharp, and they began to lumber away from the station as the compartment door shifted open. In came their missing companions, and James raised his brows with a grin. "About time you showed up," he teased. "Just been taking bets on where you've been. If you got into the sweets trolley - chuck us a cauldron cake, would you?"